Woman snaps at 'rude' DIL; kicks her out of dinner; says, 'respect me or get out.'
Respect can make all the difference in an in-law relationship. You don't have to be best friends or connect on a spiritual level in order to get along. All you need is mutual respect, and sadly, some people understand that better than others.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for kicking her daughter-in-law out for disrespecting her. She wrote:
"AITA for demanding respect from my DIL and if she can’t then get the f#$k out?"
I’m a young MIL, I’m only 39. Had my kids pretty young and I am very lucky that my husband makes a lot of money so I don’t have to work. I was a SAHM for a long time and once they started to spread their wings instead of going to work my husband and I decided I would be a home maker and be active in the community. That’s what I have been up to and I try to make the community a better place.
Now my oldest son is 22 and married and I was really excited until I met her. In general, she is a very business focused person that is very blunt. I actively dislike her but I try to be polite for my son's sake. A few examples of why I don’t like her, her wedding gift I handed over saying it was from me and my husband. She responded back with just your husband since I know it wasn’t your money that paid for it.
Saying I am volunteering well that’s not a real job since it doesn’t make money. It’s passive-aggressive and yes I have talked to my son about it and even once with her to try to clear the air. We had a get-together last night and I made a homemade meal. When I was playing everything she came up and made the comment other no wonder I could make a home-cooked meal I don’t do anything else with my day.
I lost it and told her that she needs to respect me or get the f out of my house. She was shocked and then started to cry when I did kick her out. My son is pissed and we had a huge argument and he called me a huge AH. I need an outside opinion.
People had a lot to say about the family dynamic.
Federal-Ad9430 wrote:
NTA. Holy crap. She's putting you down for being a SAHM for what? S#$ts and gigs? That's very small of her, she's the AH and the fact that you've talked to your son about this and how he's most likely seen her make these comments makes him an AH too. I firmly believe that you don't marry someone because they get along with your family, but that doesn't mean they get to treat your family like s@#t.
Living-Highlight7777 wrote:
NTA - what the hell? Who made her the boss of what women should and shouldn't do or what does and doesn't count as contribution? She needs to keep her condescending comments and judgements to herself.
tastygluecakes wrote:
NTA - somebody welcomes you into their home, cooks you a meal, and your response is back handed comments like that? GTFO And your son as an AH because he doesn’t want to deal with the fact his wife is rude AF, and instead is making it your problem because to him that’s easier than addressing the real problem.
Coward for letting somebody come treat his own mother like that and just watching it happen.
Feisty_Nope wrote:
NTA, but your son and his wife sure are. Your son should never tolerate that kind of BS from his wife. For the wedding gift, I would have said, 'My contribution was wrapping it and bringing it, but since it's not really from me this never happened' and snatch the gift back.
ItchyRedBump wrote:
This is too brief and lacking in detail to possibly be the full story. I’m not saying YTA, but I there has to more to the bigger picture.
beanfiddler had some clarifying questions:
INFO. What is your and your husband's emotional and financial relationship with your oldest son and your other children? How old is your husband? What did your daughter-in-law say or do at your first meeting that made you 'actively dislike' her? Why were you 'really excited' until you met her?
And OP answered:
We are very well off, my husband is more the no words type and I am the one that was the emotional relationship. I thought our relationship was pretty good, my husband is 3 years older than me. We first met at a restaurant and I went to pay ( it was a big bill) she commented how I can afford it since I don’t work.
That started the snide remarks from then on about me using my husband's money I was excited due to only having boys and I thought it would be nice to have another woman in the family. I was hoping to invite her to do stereotypical girl activities, like the spa but I never did because the comments started real quick.
While a few commenters felt there wasn't enough background or emotional context, most agreed that OP was NTA in this situation.