Posted by efariousVegetable:
I (F27) have been married to my wonderful husband (M30) for five years. We have been together for seven years in total. In all that time, my parents (F58 and M60) have never really taken a shining to him, but everyone has always been amicable.
That is, everyone except my sister (F22) who seems to think that the world revolves around her. She is the light of my parents' lives, and can do absolutely no wrong in their eyes. Simply put, my husband and I generally keep our distance from her.
Last weekend was my dad's 60th birthday, and everyone was invited. My husband and I went knowing that my sister would be there, but we didn't think too much of it. We expected a pleasant evening celebrating my dad.
It is important to note before we go further that my husband follows certain dietary restrictions as part of his religion, which I am keeping vague, but everyone in the family knows and has been accomodating thus far.
Unfortunately, after everyone had eaten dinner, my sister announced that she had specifically asked the caterers to add in some of the restricted food items so that she could test 'if [my husband] would even know the difference.' To say the least, I. WAS. FURIOUS.
(Just for clarification purposes: The restricted ingredients were added into sauces and there were no noticable pieces.)
My husband and I were both absolutely appalled, and just walked out while my sister yelled that she 'didn't get the big deal,' and we need to take the sticks out of our butts. My parents had abolsutely nothing to say and just watched. They later texted me that I should consider the fact that my sister is young and didn't know better. I did not respond.
I guess that leads me to the title, I have absolutely gone no-contact with everyone since the party and have not responded to a single message or phone call. Nor has my husband. When my parents showed up at the house, we did not open the door. When they showed up at my work, I did not go to reception. I have not laid eyes on them at all.
Today, some cops knocked on the door saying that they had received a missing persons report and were looking for me. Fortunately that was all solved quite quickly in that I never actually went missing, but now my friends are saying that I wasted police resources when I could have just texted my parents back saying that I didn't want to hear from them.
I just feel like a grown woman should not have to justify where she is to her parents.
NTA. YOU didn't waste police resources, your parents did by filing a bogus report that you were missing. Of course they knew you were upset with them and refusing their contact attempts. You might allow a channel from them if you think that they plan to apologize. But not if they're just going to make excuses again for your sister's awful behavior.
Yes, having a golden child and calling the police to report someone ‘missing’ are pretty classic tactics of narcissistic parents. They call the police to try to pressure you into getting back into contact with them (and also because it makes them look super caring to outsiders).
You are absolutely NTA. They are trying to manipulate you into resuming contact without ever acknowledging what they’ve done wrong.
Report them for filing a false police report. They literally showed up to your work, and unless the receptionist said “oh she hasn’t showed up for work”, they knew the truth: that you were avoiding them.
Your sister did this deliberately. It wasn't by mistake, like 'I'm so sorry, I never realized that Worcestershire sauce has anchovies in it, or that soy sauce is not always gluten free'. She had to ask the caterers to add this to the sauce in a way that wasn't easily discernable.
Your sister is 22. More than old enough to understand what she did wrong. Your parents knew you were ok and just didn't want to talk to them.