Woman suspects SIL loves her husband; wants to uninvite her from baby shower. UPDATED

'AITA if I uninvite my SIL who's in love with my husband?'

AITA if I uninvite my (32f) SIL (30f), I'll call her Tina, from my baby shower because I think she's in love with my husband?

My husband (33m) and I met each other at a ski lodge 9 years ago. I was with my young daughter and a female friend and her child. My husband was with his 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a few friends.

There was a singing competition and both of us were set up by our friends to enter it. Sparks flew during our duet and the rest is history. Back to our first meeting. This was the 1st time I caught on to my SIL's disturbing behavior.

After the singing competition, he and I went to the cafe to chat. His middle sister, Tina, who was adopted at birth, came storming up to us and demanded he come back to their group.

She never looked at me and whined when he shut her down. She ran off crying and apparently took her sister's room keycards and locked them out so they had to stay with the friends in their room.

Fast forward to when we bought a house together. We had a housewarming and invited family and close friends. Tina showed up in a sexy club outfit. She ignored me the entire time and hung all over my husband (bf at the time).

She kept recalling tales of them when they were little and how close they were. She'd kiss him on the cheek, hug him, and touched his arm when laughing, he was visibly uncomfortable so I stepped in.

At first, I just thought she had a crush on him, but the way she was acting looked like she was the girlfriend and not me. She was going around reminding/telling everyone that he use to say he never wanted to have kids, but now he's playing daddy to my daughter.

One of my friends said she thought Tina was weird for talking about how "hot" his modeling photos were when he did print work back in college and that her favorite photo was of them at a beach in Hawaii during a family vacation a few years back.

The most bizarre thing she told a few people was that he had never dated a woman of color before and now all of a sudden he's in love. It's only bizarre to me because she's biracial, so I don't know why this would bother her, unless she's jealous of me because she wished she were me.

Then things go south at the end of the night when he gets down on one knee and proposes to me. She started crying and ran to the restroom. Their dad went to check on her and then drove her home. I knew exactly why she was upset, but my husband always equated her behavior to jealously because she never had healthy relationships.

After that tantrum, she skipped our wedding, baby shower, our children's birthday parties, and other family events that we attended. I was fine with extending invitations because I knew she wasn't going to show up.

She had some sort of mental break down and was in and out treatment for years. Now I have to say, I wish nothing but the best for her and I don't know what kind of issues she's going through, but I don't want her disrupting our peace.

I'm currently pregnant and our baby shower is at the end of this month. I'm having it a few months early because I'm at risk for going into labor early, like I did with my other two children. My MIL called to RSVP and stated Tina would be riding with them and if it was ok if she brought her new boyfriend.

I was surprised because we hadn't seen her in years, but I was apprehensive to agree. Eventually, I did agree and hoped that she resolved whatever caused her so much distress when she was around my family. Well it took all of 24 hours for her to start her nonsense.

She text my husband paragraphs at 3am telling him him how she felt about our family. First, she went on to say how much she missed them being close and how I came in and destroyed their close relationship, when I barely said 50 words to her in 9 years.

She asked him if he was happy with his life because again, he use to say he never wanted kids or to get married. She then asked if he thought about her in all this time and if he could meet up with him before the shower and talk alone, face to face.

That was the last straw for me. I asked my husband if he knew she was in love with him and he just shrugged and said he didn't doubt my theory. Apparently, when she was 11, she asked if they could cuddle and kiss and he said no.

He admits her behavior since then has always been weird and dramatic, but he didn't pay her much attention because there were many siblings and they all hung out all the time. I asked him if he could uninvite her and this "new boyfriend" because I think she's going to bring drama to our baby shower.

He said he wants to talk to his parents first to see what kind of state she's been in, but I know in my gut that she's ready to ruin our day with her theatrics. So AITA for wanting to uninvite her to the baby shower?

Edit: For those of you wondering if anything intimate ever happened between them, the answer is no. I am 100% certain of this. He has a total of 3 adopted siblings (2f and 1m). He says he sees them as blood-related siblings because the 3 of them were adopted at birth.

He's the 2nd youngest, and they're all within 1-4 years of each other, so all he knows them as siblings. He said he chooses to ignore her because she's always been dramatic. He's always worried about her physical safety because she's suffered from depression for as long as he can remember so he tries to handle things gently.

He's not opposed to uninviting her, but he does want to know what his parents think about her mental state and whether she can behave.

2nd Edit: So I keep seeing something about High School Musical. I'm a little too old to have watched that show/movie, but didn't know about that plot. I changed some details of how we met so this post wouldn't be immediately recognizable, but it's very much, unfortunately, my life right now.

My husband is on his way home right now, despite having another 3 hours left at work, because his phone kept blowing up. He didn't sound good on the phone, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong.

I don't want to call back his mom and other sister to ask what's going on, but I'll try to post an update when, hopefully, we come to a final solution because I'm stressed and over this.

OP returned a few hours later with an update:

This will probably be my last update since my husband and I decided that we need to be completely removed from SIL's drama/trauma so we can focus on having a healthy pregnancy and family life.

I have an appointment with a perinatologist (a high-risk prenatal doc) tomorrow morning that was scheduled weeks ago to check on the baby. Thank you to those who were concerned about me and the baby.

So I don't even know where to start, so I apologize if this update seems all over the place. I also have to point out for the person who went through my comment history. I switched the numbers, genders, and event details so I wasn't as easily identified in real life.

I have a professional license so if someone recognized me and thought I was being unethical due to the nature of the post (I've avoided certain verbiage because of my job), I could be brought in for a review, which I would much like to avoid so I'm sorry I can't be 100% truthful with all of the details. I tried my best to keep the most important information as factual as possible.

My husband ran home because Tina BLEW UP his phone, texting and calling. Now, my husband ALWAYS texts or calls me on his lunch break to check on me, even before the pregnancy, so I knew something was wrong when he didn't.

Since he left Tina on read, she started calling and sending a slew of unwarranted and degrading texts about me and our children, so basically Tina being Tina.

He didn't run it by me, but he sent her a long paragraph, which he showed me when he got home, basically telling her off and told her that he would rather never speak to her again than listen to her talk bad about our family.

He told her she would never be invited to any of our family functions and that she needed to check herself back into the hospital if she thought their sibling relationship was ever closer than it actually was.

He closed it by saying he would let the family know the reason she was uninvited and that he hoped she's either seeing a therapist or would find one immediately. I'm not surprised at his response because the things she said pushed him to that breaking point.

I think the worst thing she said was that my 2 miscarriages years ago, which would have been our first child together, was caused because we don't actually belong together and that my body couldn't even carry any of my children to term (32 and 33 weeks deliveries).

I expected her to bring something like this up, but I could tell it really hurt him, and that's why he didn't hold back from her. He then blocked her and told me he's changing our phone numbers.

He called his parents and the oldest/bio sister, whom he is close with, and explained to them why she's never allowed to visit our home. He shared all of their text exchanges, and they were mortified. He asked them not to share our address and when we changed to new numbers.

They assured us that none of them shared this information with her because she actually asked for his work schedule and mentioned driving up a day early to "surprise" him. My FIL had the most to say, and I get it.

It's his baby girl, but he hadn't shared much info beforehand with anyone besides his wife. He said he always knew she had a "little crush" on him, but after her outburst at our housewarming years ago, they had a conversation about her behavior and she told him that she had been keeping a diary about him since she was a teenager.

She explained it was to process her emotions and to challenge negative thoughts. All I heard was that she wrote about him FOR YEARS! So there's several journals in their home, probably enforcing her beliefs.

Apparently, she only stayed away from my husband because my FIL kept her in check and was able to get her hospitalized several times for being a threat to herself. I don't know if all her issues stem from her unrequited love for him, typing that just made me nauseous, but I hope she gets the help she desperately needs.

He asked that they speak with her about his last text, but that we don't want to know the outcome. They told us they would deal with her and apologized for thinking she had resolved her issues.

My in-laws are saints, and I thanked them for believing us and keeping her away for all these years. Luckily, she's currently living with them due to her issues, so they're going to speak to her tomorrow morning.

The bio SIL called me when we got off the phone with the in-laws. She told me that she was really sorry because she's the one who hooked the new bf and Tina up and suggested that she show him off at the baby shower, but admitted they had only been dating for like 2 weeks.

She said she sent the texts Tina sent to my husband to her the bf (because that's one of her best guy friends and she wanted to protect him) so I'm pretty sure they're probably not a thing anymore. I'm kind of nervous how Tina will deal with two rejections so close together.

The two sisters aren't that close, and she was audibly disgusted to find out that her sister has been pining for their brother all these years. She has a theory, though. She thinks it started with the older bio brother, Sean, because when Tina was little, she would follow Sean around all the time.

He's older, so he went off to college abroad. Tina was about 10, and then he permanently moved to Europe. It seems like the crush transferred to my husband when Sean left. Sean hasn't been back to the States since he graduated high school, and no one really has contact with him, so she said she can't call and ask him about it.

I have to admit I'm kind of curious and would have been interested in hearing what Sean had to say, but I'll rest assured knowing our involvement in the whole thing is over.

Someone pointed out that Tina is potentially dangerous and could hurt me or our children, and this really scared me. My husband is going to upgrade our alarm system and purchased more cameras.

I don't work summers and will most likely be out on bed rest by the time I have to go back to work, so he wanted to ensure the kids and I were safe when he's away from the house. I forgot to mention we live about 5 hours away, so she would really have to go out of her way to show up here if she somehow found out where we live.

So that's it, basically. This will most likely be my only update. I also want to point out for those that think my husband was intimate with her at some point to cause her erratic behavior, if that were the case, she would have loved to throw that in my face over and over.

Plus, a guilty man would have tried to silence her a long time ago to keep me from finding out. You don't have to trust him, but I do.

Thanks again for all the helpful input. I'm feeling a little more at ease and can't wait to see our closest friends and family at our shower.

Here were the most upvoted reactions before the final update.

SummerOracle

NTA. Your husband needs to shut this down, now. Her behavior is obsessive, the fact it’s not only still ongoing after years, but even escalating is dangerous, as well as unhealthy.

Given you are the target for her delusions, that puts you and your children at potential risk. Everyone involved needs to get their heads out of the sand and take this seriously.

He needs to make it perfectly clear that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with her, that her behavior needs to stop, and decide on the consequences if she continues. If he refuses to do this, you don’t have a SIL problem, you have a husband problem.

She needs a better therapist or treatment plan, as whatever she’s used so far seems to not have been effective. For the time being, it may be in your best interest to set boundaries about her not being allowed around you and the kids.

Misantrhopic_unicorn

NTA, she has an obsession with your husband. Please cut her out completely and even inform her boyfriend because she is emotionally cheating on him. And please be safe, for one-sided obsessive lovers can be dangerous!

EnceladusKnight

NTA and considering she spent nearly a decade avoiding you and your husband because of her hangups, I would be suspicious if she was planning to have her boyfriend propose to her at your baby shower.

Plantdad05

so we're just not gonna talk about how OP and husband have the exact same "how we met" story as troy and gabriella from high school musical....

About a month later, OP returned with another update.

I've been going back and forth on whether I should post an update. Many of you posted supportive feedback and some were kind enough to share their experiences with obsessive persons and how I should handle my situation so it helped me write this update.

I included Tina's initial texts after we changed our phone numbers. We were receiving calls from her on our house phone from her work number but we disconnected it once we found out it was her.

I wasn't sure how to organize my thoughts on this post, but I think it will be easier to give an update by listing each person involved. Again, I had to alter some information because of my career and the fear of being doxed.

Tina - It's been quiet for a few weeks because Tina is currently receiving treatment. At first, I thought it was going to be messy because she found out my husband's new number and texted him several times (attached).

He ignored the texts and blocked her. Her reaction to this rejection caused issues for her (losing her job, relationship, etc.), but ultimately, she is getting help now and I hope this time she can heal from whatever it is that is keeping her from living a happy life.

Sean - Many people speculated that my husband or Sean did something to Tina that caused her obsessive behavior. First, I thought Sean was my husband's biological brother.

This was my assumption because he looks like their father in the pictures I've seen in family photo albums and my husband never referred to any of his siblings as "the adopted one," which I love, but it has caused some confusion on my end because only two of them stand out from the others.

This is important to mention because it explains Sean's departure from the family. Sean left after high school because he found his birth family in his native country. He searched for his birth parents all senior year of high school and found older siblings.

His parents are deceased, but he started visiting his siblings while studying abroad. He became heavily involved with their religion and customs. After college, he cut ties with my husband and his whole family.

My in-laws received a few postcards at first, but they haven't had any contact with him in several years. I can't say definitively whether I believe something happened between Sean and Tina, but his departure makes sense and I can only hope nothing happened.

My husband - Again, I want to make it 1000% clear that there's no doubt in my mind that my husband never aided in Tina's obsession. Those who are doubtful, I get it, but respectfully, I trust my husband implicitly.

Me - I feel like a weight has been lifted (even if temporarily). My baby shower was amazing and knowing she was far away getting help allowed me to fully enjoy my friends and family. I'm looking forward to meeting our baby and I hope we have peace from this situation for a long time to come.

Here's how the commenters left it after the final update:

USomeKindofName42

I’m glad you & your family are safe. Please just keep up the boundaries and the security measures to help keep everyone safe!! (Which I strongly suspect you don’t need to be told, but sometimes I can’t help myself).

Myhuskytorotoro

Honestly this is about the best possible outcome that could've happened. NGL, this random Internet stranger was worried for y'all's well-being in case SIL ended up escalating further.

I'm glad she's getting treatment, and I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself. Congratulations on your soon to be little one and I wish you and your family all the happiness the universe can offer. <3

Glad_Shop5765

Glad you’re doing well! Tina is a lunatic and I hope she’s getting all the therapy she can get, she REALLY fucking needs it.