'AITA for telling my sister her husband stinks?'

"AITA for telling my sister her husband stinks?"

I’ll get straight to the point: My BIL does not like showering. My sister has casually mentioned in the past how he showers once every 4-5 days because “he doesn’t really get dirty.” He has extremely strong BO and I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place with him where he did not stink.

Even fresh out a shower, you can still smell very strong hints of sweat and…other types of smells when you’re standing near him. People have brought this up with her in the past, and every single time she just shuts them down and says that they’re looking for excuses to hide that they do not like him.

One of our mutual friends is getting married in three weeks and it’s about 9 hours away from where my sister’s family and I currently live (we do not live together, but we’re about 15 minutes away from one another). My sister informed me a few days ago that she will be riding with me to the wedding because their car is having some engine issues.

None of this was discussed, she just informed me like she was relaying a message. I cannot explain to any of you how much I shiver at the slight thought of being in the same car with her husband for 9 whole hours. He does not like sitting in the back and will most likely ride shotgun. To avoid this, I offered to lend my boyfriend’s car to my sister, as he is out of state for the next few months and will not be using his car.

She repeatedly said no, no matter how many times I insisted. So, I decided that the best choice for me is to just book a flight to the location and rent a car from the airport when I land. I have some points I can use to get a discount so it all works out. I tell my sister that I’ll be taking a flight instead of driving, and I told her that she can feel free to use either my car or my boyfriend’s car if she’d like to drive there.

At this point, I haven’t booked my flight yet, because I wanted to inform her before I went ahead. She fully blew up on me and demands that I cancel my flight (because she thinks I already booked it) and says that we will be going forward with her plan instead.

Continuous arguments led to the truth, where she lets it slip that their car is fine, they just didn’t feel like driving or wasting money on gas and tolls and were just looking forward to a relaxing drive across the country.

I was tired of beating around the bush, so I just told her the truth, in a very polite way because at the end of the day, she is my sister and the person I’m talking about is her husband, so there’s no point in being harsh. She gets beyond upset and just blasts me with at least 50 texts about how I’m an A-hole. I feel bad about this but I’m truly conflicted.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

BluePopple wrote:

NTA- Bad odors can cause headaches and vomit reflexes. I wouldn’t want to be trapped in a car with a stinky person that long. Perhaps, instead of telling her, you should sit your BIL down and be honest with him. Of course, preface with you like and respect him and that’s why you want to be honest.

That it’s not an attempt to insult him or make him feel bad. Maybe he doesn’t realize how bad it is, especially if your sister never mentions what people say. There’s a chance he’s not using soap in the shower, since he “doesn’t get dirty”. Clearly, your sister is noseblind and loveblind to his scent.

olddeadgrass wrote:

NTA. I don't even understand how someone could fall in love with someone who doesn't shower 4-5 days, never mind marry them and have sex with them. It's super disgusting, and I doubt he's washing his scrotum outside the shower.

I would find every possible reason to not be in a car with someone like that for 30 minutes, nevermind 9 whole hours. Book that flight.

friendlily wrote:

I think you're underreacting to how your sister treats you. Tells you she and BIL will be riding with you, not asks. Demands you change your plans because they don't suit her. Then admits she was lying to try and manipulate you into doing her bidding. Also, are you even allowed to loan out your boyfriend's car, because I would be pissed in his shoes.

Stop bending over backwards for someone who treats you so badly. Call your friend and tell her what went down. I'm not sure why anyone caters to people like your sister but she acts this way because people do.

But to your actual question, NTA for telling her why. If BIL is such a nice guy, maybe you should express concerns to him about this health and gently tell him that he has a strong smell that people react to and talk about. Perhaps that would spur him into action.

Bonnm42 wrote:

NTA but you need to call out your Sisters entitlement. Her husband being stinky is less of a problem than that entitlement. She has NO right to insist you give her and her smelly man a ride. I would send the bride your text screenshots if she says anything to you.

And OP responded:

I told the bride to just forget about it and not stress over it. We are not extremely important people in her wedding and this isn’t something she should be stressing over this close to her wedding date.

After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with a quick update.

EDIT: I forgot to mention, she is also texting the bride and informing her that she wont be attending the wedding because of me. The bride is now stressed out and keeps contacting my sister for more information but my sister is just icing both the bride and myself out.