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Woman 'needs' to give daughter present at SIL's baby shower; says, 'I have no choice.'

Woman 'needs' to give daughter present at SIL's baby shower; says, 'I have no choice.'


'WIBTA if I brought my daughter a present to my sister’s baby shower?​​'

Throw away for privacy. I have an eight year old daughter. She’s the only grandchild on both sides of our family. She’s very loved. When my sister found out she was pregnant, my daughter had a hard time sharing the attention.

She gets upset when anyone talks about the baby, touches my sister’s baby bump, or when they buy the new baby stuff without buying her something. I know this behavior isn’t okay, but I feel like my daughter is struggling. I’ve tried reading books, reassuring her, and even talking to our pediatrician. Nothing is working.

My sister is due in a few weeks, so her MIL is throwing her a baby shower. I didn’t know about the baby shower until yesterday. The baby shower is Saturday. I don’t have a sitter and my husband is going to be working.

I have no other choice but to bring my daughter. I know she will have a bad reaction to my sister’s baby being showered with gifts, so I thought about bringing her a small gift to unwrap during the shower. I don’t think my sister will be upset, but I don’t know about her wife.

My SIL often gets frustrated with me about how my daughter acts. I understand her frustration, but I’m trying. I think my daughter will act better once the baby is born and she has a cousin to play with, but for now I’m just trying to survive. WIBTA here?

Here's what people had to say:

Maxibon1710 asks:

So you’d be arguing back, right? You refuse to accept the most simple solution and would rather ruin their baby shower with your kid’s tantrum or turn a party that was explicitly not about your child into a party about your child?

Question: why did you have a kid? What did you actually expect?

CandidateMedium3939 OP responds:

I’m not refusing to accept anything. I understand why people are against me bringing my daughter her own present, and I agree now that it isn’t a good idea. I was answering someone who asked me why I wasn’t responding to other people. I wasn’t saying that I’m not going to take their advice.

To answer your question. I got pregnant at a young age, so I didn’t have a choice but to become a parent. I love my daughter very much, and I try my best. Jealousy has never been an issue like this before.

She’s never had a problem with other kids getting gifts or attention. I’ve tried addressing this problem with her, her pediatrician, and now we’re looking into therapy. I know that her behavior is bad, and I know that giving her a gift will only enable the jealousy she feels.

I wouldn’t argue back with people who offered me their honest opinions when I’m the one who asked. Question: Why do you want me to argue with people that I voluntarily came to for advice?

crocodilezebramilk asks:

Info: Before your sister got pregnant, was she heavily active in your daughters life?

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

Yes, she’s still very active in her life. As much as she can be, so is her wife. My sister helped me a lot when I got pregnant young, so my daughter is very close with her. I can definitely understand if she’s feeling territorial over aunts with the new baby, and it’s something that I, and her aunts have talked with her about.

mamachonk says:

Your... MIL is throwing your sister a shower? I smell bul****t.

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

Her MIL is throwing her a baby shower..I didn’t say anything about my MIL.

venusandromedadjarin asks:

Context: Does your daughter have any developmental disabilities or other reasons for her behavior?

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

We’re not sure. We’re looking into getting her into behavioral therapy, but there has been no official diagnosis.

voodoodollbabie says:

YWBTA. There's no such thing as trying. You are either doing it or not doing it. Tell daughter what kind of behavior you expect from her at the party, and the consequences if she misbehaves. 'You are a big girl and this is the way big girls act.'

If she starts to misbehave, take her by the hand and firmly lead her to the car, take her home and let her sit in her room the rest of the day, with any favorite toys and such removed. She struggling because you haven't taught her the boundaries yet. You can do this.

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

How did you teach your kids boundaries?

Cosmic_Jinx says:

They literally just walked you through how to teach a kid boundaries.

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

She told me what to do if my daughter starts misbehaving. I’m asking what worked for her kids. Why does that offend you?

Norse_Goddess asks:

INFO: why are you just barely finding out about the baby shower?

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

My sister’s MIL is throwing the shower for her. She didn’t want one at first, so everything is last minute.

CasperGGGD writes:

Why on earth aren’t you commenting on the comments telling you to not go to the shower? That is the immediate solution to the problem that your daughter is having significant behavioral issues regarding the new baby.

Once the baby arrives, your daughter should not be allowed around the baby until this issue is faced and dealt with.

CandidateMedium3939 OP responded:

I’m not responding because this sub doesn’t allow debates, arguing, or defending yourself. I’ve read the comments and I appreciate people’s honest opinions. I’m taking all the advice into consideration. I don’t usually comment unless Im answering a question or if I’m asking a question.

RB1327 writes:

'I have no other choice but to bring my daughter.'

YTA. Sure you do. The other choice is staying home and sending a gift.

Sources: Reddit
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