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Woman and husband disinvited from wedding for refusing to give SIL Instagram handle.

Woman and husband disinvited from wedding for refusing to give SIL Instagram handle.


AITA for not wanting to change my instagram handle to give it to my brother-in-law's fianceé?

My (25F) brother-in-law (20M) proposed to 'Tanya' (20F) after 2 years of dating. Tanya will took my BIL's lastname, I did the same when I married my husband (26M) last year, before marrying I didn't have a personal instagram account (i don't really use social media) and I just used my husband's account if I needed it.

But after our honeymoon I created an account to post the pictures and I choose 'mrs[my husband lastname]' as the handle. Now I have 79 followers (friends, family/in-laws and co-workers), 11 posts and I post some stories once in a while, I mostly use it to watch reels and keep updated on my favorite celebrities.

Well, last week I was helping Tanya with her wedding gift list and she asked me to change my IG handle to give it to her as the gift and that it will mean a lot to her, I suggested that she can just add a underscore, a period or even numbers and she said that it ruins the 'username aesthetic' and that she never used it because she hates it.

I was so confused at that point and I told her that I don't understand why I have to do that, she got annoyed and told me that I don't deserve to have that handle because I have a private account that I barely use.

She said I don't even have 100 followers while she has 10k followers and a lot of 'beautiful pictures' with loads of likes and comments, and that she deserves the lastname more because she was in the family for a longer time (they are childhood friends and high school sweethearts) and that they got engaged sooner than me (I've dated my husband 5 years).

I tried to calm her saying that I already gave her a solution, and she said that I should use that solution instead of her because she already reserved the handle on other social media platforms (I checked and it's true). She was talking in a aggressive manner at that point so I left, stating that it was so childish and shallow that I wouldn't do it.

Since then I've been receiving texts and calls from my in-laws and her friends and family bashing me telling that I've already ruined her most special day, the whole family is siding with her and they gave us the ultimatum that if I don't give her my handle they will uninvite us of the wedding (I think they did this to put my husband against me).

I feel very guilty because this insignificant thing has been affecting my husband as well (he was supposed to be my BIL's bestman as he's his only sibling and we obviously wanted to attend) and I can just give in for the sake of everyone, but at the same time i think i'm doing the right thing holding my position, AITA?

From the comments:

Jazzlike_Crew_3956 says:


She shouldn't change her name if she has that many people on her account anyways. That is her brand, she should keep it that way. She is being foolish thinking taking your name is gonna be helpful.

Alternative_Pea105 OP responded:

She wants to be a 'young stay-at-home wife influencer.'

TheRestForTheWicked says:

Uh I hate to be that guy but does your BIL know that she intends to promptly leave the employment field the second that he’s legally obligated to support her?

Also don’t change it. F*ck them, I’m your family now.

Alternative_Pea105 OP responded:

Yes, he's aware of it... She was already a 'stay-at-home girlfriend', she quitted her part time job as a waitress when they started dating (...) And thank you my reddit brother! ☺️

jfjdjjdkdjfn says:

Why is your BIL allowing his own brother to be uninvited??? Does he have no spine at all?

Alternative_Pea105 OP responded:

He always caters to all Tanya's desires and now more than ever.

Appropriate-Royal-17 says:

NTA. Why are your in-laws entertaining this and taking it to such extremes? Is BIL the favourite?

Alternative_Pea105 OP responded:

Yes (they deny it but I've always noticed that, he's really spoiled too) and they really adore Tanya, my MIL says that she's 'the daughter that they never had.'

LadyZairaM says:

NTA of course, but I'm surprised your whole family is siding with her. Have you checked stories? She's probably badmouthing you and making the situation way worse than it is to gain everyone's favor. What does your husband think about the situation?

Alternative_Pea105 OP responded:

Tanya blocked me and my husband (he's supporting me).

randallbabbage says:

NTA. If they are going to uninvite you over something that trivial, do you really want to be there anyway?

Sources: Reddit
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