'AITA for refusing to help my struggling birth father?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to help my struggling birth father?"
I (female , 40) am lesbian. When my mom was alive she knew and respected my choice to keep it a secret as my dad was very angry and a giant ****phobe! Unfortunately I lost my only support, my mom, when she passed away when I was 16.
My dad met my step mother less than a month later through his church buddies. They got married within a few months. My stepmother had 2 daughters around my age. I was doing great at school, and I was generally a good kid. My step sisters were always causing trouble at school were giant losers and my stepmother hated me from the day one.
One day she read my diary and found out that I like girls. She asked me and I begged her not to tell my dad. She gave me a hug and promised me. Within a few hours I heard my dad screaming and furious. She basically not only told my dad, but also cried and said she and her angel daughters don’t feel safe anymore because of my s@&ual orientation!!!
He threw me out of his house. I begged him to let me stay until morning and he said no and didn’t even allow me pick up little things I had that meant a lot to me like my mom’s photos, gifts she bought me, etc.
After spending nights in shelter I was fortunate enough to find a forever home when my mom’s best friend and her husband took me in and I became their daughter . I went to a great university eventually and right now I have a great job .
Here is the thing: my stepmother has emailed me! She heard I have a good job. She is saying my dad is sick, he needs care, and they need money. She wants me to support them...she went on and on about their hardship. Am I an a$#le for refusing to help?! I can easily help but why should I?! They are not my family they kicked me out ! Is it wrong not giving them a second chance?!
Here's what people had to say to OP:
queenlegolas asks:
Did you ever get your mom's things?
Awkward-Material1989 OP responded:
My dad (I call him my dad since he took me in and raised me) went to my biological dad and demanded to give him all my stuff and anything belonged to my mom RIGHT NOW or he would kick my bio dad’s a#@! He got all my stuff back :) most importantly my mom’s pictures
Sea_Norse_8447 says:
NTA. Op, I'm from the same community. He stopped being your father that night. This happens to us all the time. Don't fall for it. I'm sick of watching people fade into a shadow of their former selves as their shitty parents use the last breath in their lungs to hurt them. It hurts to hear it op, but: They don't want you. They want your money.
Awkward-Material1989 OP responded:
Thank you . She claimed she and her daughters don’t feel safe by reading my diary ! I was using my diary as a tool to vent after my mom passed. I was a stupid teen and had a crush on Donna from That 70’s show lol so in my diary I wrote how I wanna marry her haha
NotHisRealName says:
What father? That man ceased to be your father abandoned you. If I read this correctly, you were also a minor. F@&^ him, f%@ her. Let her angel daughters support them. NTA.
Awkward-Material1989 OP responded:
Yes I was a teen who was still grieving my mom’s death
ResurrectionScary says:
LOL... You should respond back.. "Hey remember when you told my dad what I begged you not tell and got me thrown out on the street.... Karma." Or you could just respond "Go f@*k yourself".
Awkward-Material1989 OP responded:
She didn’t even mention it! Kept going on and on about being family and taking care of of each other... really?! I thought you are not safe around me??
Later OP came back with this update:
thank you everyone for your kind words . I’m floored by all your support and kindness. My stepmother made me feel like a monster with her email but after reading your replies I realized once again she is being toxic. I decided to block her. I’m not her family or my bio-dad’s daughter anymore.
They kicked me out ! I always say my mom was watching out for me because I ended up being raised by a very loving parents after she passed . They are incredible people . I decided to instead helping my bio dad and his wife , buy my real parents ( the one who raised me and proud to call me their daughter ) a new van.
My dad ( the one who loves me and raised me) has MS so it would be easier for my mom to take him to his appointments. Once again thank you