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Woman asks if she's wrong for not loaning brother food money to teach him a lesson.

Woman asks if she's wrong for not loaning brother food money to teach him a lesson.


When you're in a relationship there are often financial imbalances. Sometimes one person makes more, and sometimes one person supports the other completely. No judgement from us. But if you're constantly short cash, maybe you need to reconsider how you've set things.

In this story a woman is sick of having to help her brother out, but also is really annoyed at how his family has set up their finances, so she decides to teach him a hard lesson. Here's her story...

I’m 29, my brother Sam is 27, our sister Amy is 32, and Sam’s wife (Nora) is 26.

I don’t like Nora at all. She’s lazy, nosy, a know it all, and lacks all social skills. Once Amy and I were debating about the best way to sear a steak when Nora injected herself into our conversation and tried to explain to us the exact method and type of pan to use.

'I didn’t call her out but I silently asked myself what the hell does she know about cooking steak, she’s a vegan.'

Another time Nora asked me about my 401k account and how much I have in it. Again, I was silently thinking to myself about how rude she was for asking about how much money I have in there (not much btw). No matter what you’re talking about, she’ll have something to say.

Another time she was talking about dinosaurs for a good hour at dinner. We all just sat there (long after we were done eating) to be polite but no one talked because no one cared about dinosaurs and she never paused to take a breath to give anyone a chance to change the topic.

Worst of all, she’s a stay at home wife. Not a stay at home mom, they have no kids, a stay at home wife. There’s nothing wrong with her physically to prevent her from working, she claimed she has anxiety that prevents her from working.

I’m not a doctor but I don’t see any anxiety when she’s shopping at Target or out at the beach during our family outings. Normally I wouldn’t concern myself with Sam’s family but it’s affecting me.

I don’t see anything wrong with a one income family as long as that income can support that family. In Sam’s case, his income can’t support him and his wife. I’ve had to loan him money at least a dozen times since he married Nora. They’re always short on the rent or don’t have money for the utility bills or whatever.

Last week Sam asked to borrow $50 for lunch for the week because he’s short again. I love my kid brother but I had enough. I told him no and that he would have lunch money if his lazy wife worked. We argued because he took offense at me calling her lazy.

He later told Amy about our argument and she yelled at me for willing to let him go hungry. She loaned him the money. I told her he needs to go hungry to see that his wife is a leech. AITA?

Here's what people had to say:

kumama07 says:

YTA not for refusing to help but for the way you treat and talk about your SIL. Sounds like she's neurodivergent (ADHD and possibly autistic). Try kindness maybe explain to her why some topics are just a no go and see if you can get to know her a bit better. A little tolerance and kindness goes a long way

drowsiestdreamer says:

Was also thinking this. Sounds like she may be autistic. Would explain the bluntness and lack of social awareness. Maybe she’s just trying her best to be apart of conversations?

OP, you don’t have to lend your brother money anymore. You can say no when you want. But YTA for the way you talk about his wife. You can disagree with their lifestyle all you want but it doesn’t seem like she’s given you any true reasons to dislike her this much.

winesis says:

NTA a loaf of bread & jar of pb doesn’t cost $50. He needs to live within his means. He needs a second job or his wife needs a first one.

Afibthrowaway22 says:

This is the point. If you or sister are worried about him going hungry then buy him what he needs for lunch. My husband goes to fill his car with fuel on Sunday evenings. On the way home he stops at the store and buys a loaf of cheap bread, jar of PB and one of jelly if he is running low and a bag of apple or oranges.

He then takes them into office and keeps in his desk. This is the lunch he eats every single day except rare office events, lunch meetings etc. He has been doing this for 20 years. He is an attorney.

I am a working attorney (I just WFH so I eat leftovers at home). We have plenty of money to buy lunch we just choose not to spend $50+ per week on buying out. What a waste.

psychocabbage says:

Well, im not attorney but I enjoy food. So when I worked at an office, I ate out every day. $50 was about average for the week. I would rather eat something I enjoyed than suffer through a sandwich.

katsmeow44 says:

NTA for not loaning him the money. But you're not very good at disguising your open contempt for your SIL.

JCBashBash says:

Why disguise it when that's the central issue here? She is looking at her brother being used by someone who should be his partner, but is very comfortable with him working a full schedule and living the kind of life we all wish we could

It doesn't make sense that she's not working at all and is having fun, and the person who's supposed to be her partner isn't.

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