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Dad spoils wife but reminds her she forgot Father's Day. 'Don't rub my face in it.'

Dad spoils wife but reminds her she forgot Father's Day. 'Don't rub my face in it.'


Mother's Day is all about moms and catering to them. So is it appropriate to use that time to make requests about Father's Day?

A mom came to Reddit to ask if her husband was actually being the jerk she thinks, or if maybe she was possibly in the wrong? Luckily, the internet loves to weight in on strangers' drama. Here's the post with the top commets:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for forgetting what I did for my husband for Father's Day last year?'

momsdayaita writes:

My husband (38M) and I (36F) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (8, 6, & 3). Yesterday was Mother's day and my husband is notoriously bad at gift-giving and that sort of thing. I have rather specific taste so I pretty much have to coach him on what I want for birthdays, Xmas, anniversary, etc.

But to my surprise, yesterday he actually did a pretty good job. He had the kids all make me hand-made cards, made me breakfast in bed, and took the kids out of the house for the afternoon so I could get a mani-pedi and relax, and got me a nice bottle of wine with some fancy cheese and chocolate.

Last night after the kids went to bed, I thanked him for a great day and expressed how surprised I was that he actually stepped up. He told me I deserve it, but also said that he hopes that I can do something similar for him for Father's day this year.

Not very subtle...

I asked him what that's supposed to mean and he asked me if I remember what I did for Father's day last year, but I couldn't remember. He then reminded me that I did nothing for him for Father's day last year.

Then I remembered that for Father's day last year I was at my sister's wedding. My younger sister had a small, out-of-state, childfree wedding last June, which happened to be on Father's day weekend. I was the Maid of Honor and since our kids couldn't come, my husband stayed home with them while I was gone from Thursday-Sunday.

I had every intention of still doing something for him for Father's day, but I must have completely forgotten and he never brought it up to me.

So I felt a little blindsided and put on the spot when he asked me to remember what I did.

The defensiveness is only beginning.

I told him that I'm sorry I forgot to do anything for him last year, but that I don't appreciate being put on the spot like that. I also don't appreciate the implication that I purposely forgot or did nothing for him on purpose.

I had a lot of things going on at that time last year and I fully admit that I spaced it out and completely forgot. That's my fault and I accept it, but don't rub my face in it.

I asked him why he didn't just bring it up to me and he said it's not his responsibility to remind me about that sort of thing. He said he didn't bring it up because he figured I would just get defensive about it and try to make excuses, exactly like I was doing right then.

And it gets better.

He then reminded me that I also 'forgot' to get him anything for his birthday last year.

I told him that I didn't forget, his gift was just delivered late.

He then told me that he has access to our Prime account too and he saw that I didn't even order it until the day of his birthday.

Nothing gets past this guy.

I told him he was being a jerk and ruining what was up until then, a perfectly good Mother's day.

He said he' not trying to be a jerk, he's just letting me know that he needs to feel that there is some reciprocation for these kind of things.

Now I feel like he only stepped up so he could rub it in my face that I didn't do anything for him last year.

So, what do you think? Was the husband being passive aggressive in his gesture, or did OP ruin the moment by not taking responsibility?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

shadow-foxe says:

YTA (You're the a-hole) - you forgot both of his 'days' and then got all nasty because he mentioned it. Yes you went to a wedding but you couldn't manage to have the kids give him at card at least. He most likely did you a good mothers day because he did not want you to feel how he did last year!

TNG6 adds:

And are now somehow trying to blame HIM for doing nothing for him on Father’s Day and almost forgetting his birthday! Why do I get the sense that she would be livid if he did the same??

MothmanNFT piles on:

YTA - you're getting defensive and it's making you an -hole. You're the one who's repeatedly screwed up. It doesn't even sound like he was trying to rub your face in anything, just that he was communicating that he was glad you appreciated the effort and that he'd appreciate a similar effort from you in the future.

You're the one who couldn't even remember you'd done nothing for Father's Day. You only have one person to be angry at here and it's you. He's heard you ask for more autonomous effort and stepped up. Now he's asking you to do the same, and that sounds entirely fair given the way you've handled his events recently.

Assia_Penryn comments:

YTA. He was expressing his needs just as you do. Apologize and make him feel appreciated this father's day. The whole 'surprised he stepped up' was a passive negative comment move too.

Looks like this is an open and shut case.

Sorry, Mom, but you're the a-hole. Even if it is Mother's Day.

Sources: Reddit
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