Woman's 13-year-old asks infertile SIL why she doesn't have kids, SIL tries to deflect.

Fertility can be a touchy subject, particularly for people who have tried to have kids and couldn't. But it's also a common topic among family members, and essentially unavoidable in certain circles.

Few demographics barrel through with the invasive questions like kids.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not stopping her daughter from asking her aunt why she doesn't have kids.

She wrote:

AITA for not stopping my daughter asking her infertile aut why she doesn’t have kids?

My SIL (L) who is in her late 40s doesn’t have children. I know bits from my MIL that they had fertility issues and she was very upset about it. I don’t know if she ‘authorized’ her mother to tell us anything. She has never directly talked to me or my husband (her brother) about it.

When new family pregnancies are announced, it must hurt but she is generally congratulatory and warm. We have two kids and my SIL is a great auntie to them. Due to distance, they don’t see each other often but when they do she spoils them, plays games with them, and shows an interest in their lives. They rightly adore her.

My 13 (F) has recently started asking why Auntie L doesn’t have her own kids as she is so nice. I’ve kept being vague but she’s become persistent. I don’t want to break a confidence. I say I don’t know. She says she will ask her. I tell her not to. She might be upset. She says 'well she can just have some then.' We have a row. Rinse and repeat.

My husband and I have discussed it and I wonder whether my daughter may have heard something. L and her husband have just been in the area and came to dinner with us. It was nice until my daughter asked her why she didn’t have kids. I didn’t really know what to do but glared at my daughter and told her not to be rude. L said something vague about things not always happening how you expect.

Daughter pushed it further and then said about me telling her but not to ask me because I’d be upset. Implying I’d said something to her. L said something else vague. When kids had gone, L made a comment about being a topic of conversation in our house. I said that kids do this sometimes and apologized.

L clearly thought I’d been gossiping about her (which I get from how my daughter's comments were phrased) and was visibly upset. They left soon after dinner. I feel bad but am not sure what I should have done differently. AITA?

People did not hold back in the comments.

Yogurt-Drip wrote:

Yeah, YTA, sorry- Your daughter is 13, she should know by now what boundaries are. That was really rude, especially since she kept at it. You should have told your daughter not all women have children for various reasons and it's nobody's business as to why, it's not something you ask about.

FutureSelection wrote:

NTA but your daughter was acting like one. Also tactless. As her mom, you should have told her that there are things inappropriate to ask other people such as their age, income, personal choices such as getting married/having kids, sexuality, someone’s appearance (ie weight, height), etc.

Depending on your relationship with your sister, you can call her up, apologize and explain that you just did not know what to tell your daughter and also tell her how you’re going to do better.

mewley wrote:

YTA. You should have explained to your daughter that asking people why they don’t have children is rude and invasive, and explained more generally that it can be for a whole host of reasons, including infertility or other medical issues, and made it very clear that it was none of her business.

Your daughter is definitely old enough to know better and learn basic respect and manners, as well as some life lessons that nobody “has to” have kids.

Radiant-Idea-2261 wrote:

YTA. But softly. Unfortunately, your daughter doesn’t seem to have learned any manners. Despite you telling her not to ask, she still went and did it. And she’s 13! She should know better. You did your best to handle the situation, whilst trying to maintain someone’s privacy. But it still didn’t work out well.

While the vote isn't fully unanimous, most commenters agree that OP is TA for not teaching her daughter better boundaries.