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'AITA for not helping fund my wife's business because she insisted on a prenup?' UPDATED

'AITA for not helping fund my wife's business because she insisted on a prenup?' UPDATED


"AITA: For not helping my wife buy a dental office when she insisted to get a prenup before marriage?"

My wife and I are in our very late 30s. When we were getting married we both were making about the same. Neither of us had anything. I didn't want a prenup cus I don't think that's how a marriage should work.

But My wife wanted a prenup because she was going to dental school and thought when she opens her own clinic, she will make way more money than me and didn't want to share any of that.

Long story short, reluctantly I agreed to the prenup (that also has a provision for future assets) and we basically have had separate finances ever since. Everything is split 50/50 for the most part (edit to clarify: 50/50 when it comes to shared expenses like groceries or going out. She doesn't pay anything toward mortgage. She pays about 30% of the mortgage as rent each month)

Recently she has started thinking about opening her own clinic and wants to buy a place which costs about $2 million give or take (including any potential renovations and all the equipment). She won't get approved for a $2 million loan and does not have 20% to put down not to mention she would need some buffer as well to pay employees and etc... for a couple of months until business picks up.

Part of it is understandable. University, and Dental school were expensive and she started working later in life. But she also in general spent money liberally.

I graduated at 22 and over the years bought 3 houses and save up regularly to buy more rental properties/invest in stocks. I can help her get a loan and pay her down payment but since she wanted a prenup when we got married, I don't see why I should just give her or even lend her that much money.

I told her I can help her with the loan, pay the down payment, be a cosigner and pay the expenses until it is profitable if she splits the clinic 50/50 and no need to pay me back. Or I can loan her the money at 8% interest. She started losing it and being shocked at how I would even think about trying to take a percentage of her business.

Friends and family say we are married and she is my wife so I should help her succeed in her career and give her the money interest free and she will pay me back whenever she can. I don't share this sentiment. I think she made it clear how she wanted our financial lives to be when she insisted on a prenup.

Also people might say 8% is a lot, but keep in mind she can't get a loan on her own. If I'm risking 600k on down-payment and expenses for a few months when no bank would, this is the interest rate I would be comfortable with and she should be able to pay it back.

The way buying dental clinics work is they are valued based on how much cash flow the have currently and based on the clinic she is looking at, she should be able to make good money.

Anyways, people around us are saying I'm being unreasonable and greedy. I disagree. Wife wanted a prenup and separate finances, she is getting just that. I don't see why I should help her with no benefit to me. So AITA?

Do you think he's being an AH? Or is this his wife's fault for insisting on a prenup?

This is what top commenters had to say:

braindusterz said:

NTA because prenuptial addresses future assets. She literally made this situation. She wants to take from you but not risk you benefitting from it. The give AND take either works both ways - or it doesn't.

AleshiniaLivesStill said:

NTA. But you could also propose a postnup to hash out the details of this new endeavor as well. If she won’t do that, she seriously has no leg to stand on.

PoppyGooze said:

This is depressing to hear. Why are you even married? I understand a prenup covering anything you have before marriage but not after. After, is what you build together and this new business should be built together and shared together if you’re both contributing to it. I guess NTA but still a weird situation to even be in.

[deleted] said:

NTA. She wanted things split, this is the result of things being split.

I am not financially minded, but I think your suggestion of a loan with an interest percentage or a percentage of her business being in your hands seems fair, though I don't know enough to evaluate the fairness of 8%.

EvocativeEnigma said:

NTA - She was the one who insisted on the prenup in order to protect her future assets and now is asking you to fund a business that she will STILL claimed is protected by the prenup so that the profit would ONLY be hers. She can't have it both ways.

"Your money is OUR money, so therefore it is MY money, but MY money is ONLY mine." Your wife sounds really selfish, tbh.

Months after his original post, he shared this update on the situation:

Buying a Dental practice, getting loans, sorting things out between me and the wife took time. After a bunch of back and forth with my wife, weeks of sleeping in separate rooms after we fought, we finally got down to talking about what the point of the prenup was in the first place and what were our thoughts about our marriage and our kid.

We didn't see our selves ever getting divorced and still loved each other so after some convincing the wife that the prenup is worthless if we don't intend to ever get divorced, we came to the conclusion that the prenup isn't serving any purpose and decided to cancel it all together so the whole prenup business is gone for good now.

Following that, now that everything is 50/50 by default I'm helping with the expenses as stated in the original post and we are back to our lives and to celebrate this new chapter, we are gonna have a second kid which is exciting although scary at the same time since we are in our late thirties now.

We always wanted 2 kids. I don't think I mentioned it in the post that we have 1 kid together but I think I had mentioned it in a comment. Anyways! Most likely no more updates going forward but thank you all for your inputs.

Good luck!!!

Sources: Reddit
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