Lavish wedding reveals undercover wealth; family feels betrayed, boycotts wedding. AITA?
"AITA for not mentioning I live below my means?"
FriendlyNinja8202
For context, I (30F) have lived in the same basement suite since I was 19 (with my dog). I rented it from this lovely old couple and became very close with them. They treated me like family, and we helped each other out a lot over the years.
They kept my rent super cheap, would constantly spoil my dog and take him for walks while I was at work, and always gave me leftovers or invited me for dinner. I maintained the house and gardens, and helped them with everything elderly people might struggle with.
When they passed away in a bus accident, I was VERY shocked to find out they left me everything. Their house, their cars, and their sizable savings. Fast forward to now.
I’m getting married and my soon to be husband is aware of my circumstances… but I never told anyone else. I guess I didn’t know how to deal with it so I just ignored the entire situation and went on with life as I always have.
My fiancé signed a prenup (it was his idea), and we started planning our wedding. We had been living in my basement suite, with the upstairs rented out, but recently moved into the upstairs so we could grow our family (read get another dog).
Well.. when we sent out the wedding invitations both our families freaked out. They couldn’t understand how we could afford to get married at the place we chose.
My fiancé just said we can afford it, we aren’t hurting for money by any means, and he isn’t sure why they think we are. His sister’s response was “you are a landscaper and a teacher, you should be poor” in a rather demeaning tone.
Our families are LIVID that we never mentioned my inheritance, and are accusing us of living frugally to hide it. We never lied, or tried to hide it… we just never said anything and never changed our simple life style.
We just kept living the way we always had as we were perfectly happy doing so. They are literally so mad that they declined the wedding invitation. The only people who will talk to us is his brother (who was like wait, do you guys own your house?! Can I move into the basement!?)
And my dad who just wants to know when he gets a grandchild. AITAH for not telling anyone about my inheritance!?! Like is this actually such a huge offense, because we don’t get it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
peregrine_throw
NTA. That they're not happy for you upon learning this, and are filled with jealousy and anger instead, just proves to you two being right about being low-key about it.
No one's coming? Pack your bags, this calls for a destination wedding! Bring your father and BIL along! Don't let your wedding be about their drama-- it's about you two. Congratulations! PS: hope the prenup was overseen each by your own lawyers (his and yours), not just one for you both.
The OP responded here:
FriendlyNinja8202
Yeah we both got a lawyer etc. it was actually a very interesting process… lawyers brains really go dark places oh my! I guess we are going to save some money on our families not coming.
It’s going to be super awkward when we explain why our moms aren’t at the wedding to our aunts and cousins… so tempted to just say “they are upset we aren’t poor”. Like maybe it’s that this old couple loved me?!? Idk. I can’t figure it out.
HellaHS
Unless you be asking them for money to pay bills then I don’t see how it’s any of their business lol.
The OP again responded here:
FriendlyNinja8202
When I was 16 I asked my mom for $20 for a field trip and she told me to get a job. I haven’t asked for anything since, other than advice. They are well off, as are all my siblings. My fiancés family is all solidly middle class. I’m so confused as to why it’s such a betrayal that I never mentioned anything!?
enonymousCanadian
They are angry that you both chose to do what you love and they will never get to throw it in your faces. They may be well off but they begrudge you your happiness because they made choices that they told themselves were necessary and they don’t see you as deserving. You deserve better than this. I hope your friends have been happy for you!
The OP again responded:
FriendlyNinja8202
Thank you… that seems like the most logical reason so far! Our friends have never questioned anything, and are just like cool, we’ve noticed you have been buying more snacks, appreciate it lol.
iamglory
NTA, they demonstrated perfectly why someone who has money (no matter how) don't want to tell anyone. So you are frugal with a sizable amount of money? What does that matter?! How they are taking this as an offense is beyond me.
The OP responded:
FriendlyNinja8202
Thank you!! I am SO confused as to why this is so offensive. It’s not like any of these people are struggling financially. My fiancé and I cannot figure out what we are missing.
RegretOk194
It's offensive because they looked down on you and felt superior. Now they feel tricked/deceived. Basically it's all on them. You did nothing wrong they just really aren't great people.