When a woman from a middle class family moved in with her well-to-do boyfriend, things were going well... until she quit her job. They previously had made a financial arrangement, in which her lack of work caused an upset. Her boyfriend thinks she is taking advantage of him, while she believes he is reneging on their agreement.
AITA (Am I the as*hole) for telling my boyfriend he's never had to struggle a day in his life, and not wanting to go back on our agreement?
I recently moved into my boyfriend 'Sam's' apartment. He comes from an upper class family and is very well off money wise as an attorney. I'm from a middle class background and make nowhere near as much as him, but I'm still proud of my achievements and my struggles, which I don't think Sam always understands.
I left my job a couple of weeks ago due to some issues in the workplace and I'm not actively looking for any right now as I want a break, but I'll start looking again before the end of the year (I've told Sam all this). I do have a decent amount of savings which I use to contribute to our household.
Sam asked me a few days ago to start contributing 50-50 to bills and other household items. It's currently distributed based on our income. I told him no, as I actually don't even have income right now but he said that's 'my problem' and I need to take it out of my savings.
I said we agreed beforehand to split everything based on income, but he said that me not having a job is 'something he has to deal with' and he wants me to start paying the same as him. I said that I've worked very hard for my savings and he can't dictate what I do with it, and I need some left over for my own things.
Sam got pretty pissed and said I was 'selfish' and 'mooching off him', but I said that's not the case at all, but he won't understand because he's never had to struggle a day in his life. It's been kind of tense between us because of this. I told my friend what's going on and she said it sounds like Sam's trying to financially control me. So, AITA (Am I the as*hole)?
Who is the as*hole here? OP for quitting her job and mooching off her rich BF? Or the rich BF for asking OP to contribute financially after they made an income-based agreement? Reddit came back with a resounding YTA (You're the as*hole).
YTA. You made it sound like you were still contributing based on your previous income from savings. Instead, you agreed you’d contribute based on income, then quit your job because you thought that meant you’d have to contribute zero. You are absolutely a mooch and taking advantage of him and he’s right to tell you he won’t put up with it. He’s realized that you don’t intend to contribute proportionally so much as use his wealth as an excuse to do nothing.
Exactly this! I misread the original post as well. She CHOSE to quit her job. She CHOSE to not find a new one BEFORE she quit. She DOES NOT want to continue paying bills because SHE WANTS to take a break. Her argument is that the bills are income based. But she chose to quit!
Also 'I'll start looking by the end of the year' lmao as if it isn't the beginning of August. I too would like a 4 month rent-free holiday.
OP is definitely a manipulator. In how she is handling this with her boyfriend and how she intentionally left out that she is no longer contributing what she initially was. Seems like she thought living with a high earning partner would give her a break from working. Definitely seems like a mooch.
Ummm, YTA. Y'all are dating, not married. Splitting rent based on proportional income is what you agreed to... But that was before you decided to quit your job. That was your choice. If that was going to make things hard on you financially... Then you shouldn't have quit before you had another job lined up.
You need to be paying exactly what you paid before you quit working. Full stop. His employment status has nothing to do with it. The amount of money he has is irrelevant. As is his background and how he grew up. You ARE taking advantage of him.
And JMardukas_Third says:
It sounds like you've found a loophole to exploit the original agreement and, as an attorney, he's feeling embarrassed he didn't make a watertight agreement. WTF are you two together? This isn't a relationship.
There's nothing wrong with taking a little help... so long as it's offered.