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'AITA for publicly calling out a friend for sending my fiancé inappropriate messages?' UPDATED

'AITA for publicly calling out a friend for sending my fiancé inappropriate messages?' UPDATED


"AITAH for publicly calling out a friend for sending my fiancé inappropriate messages?"

Here's the original post:

My fiancé (Josh)has a close friend group of guys from college we see rather regularly (at least the ones that stayed in our city) including his best friend (Matt). His best friend’s wife (Addison) has a friend (Lila) that was integrated into their group before I met my now fiancé.

So apparently Lila has had a crush on my fiancé before I met him, and even tried to get Matt’s now wife to set them up. Josh made it clear he wasn’t interested, unfortunately it seems she never gave up hope that he would come around.

Fast forward to Josh and I meeting really hitting it off so he wanted to introduce me to his friends. We met up with everyone for drinks one night and apparently Lila wasn’t given a heads up Josh was in a relationship by Addison because the look on this girl’s face when he introduced me was somewhere between pure disgust and shock.

Everyone else was friendly and welcoming she was icy and Addison was a little quiet at first but then warmed up (I get it she was probably trying to be loyal to her bff that had a crush).

Fast forward about a year Matt & Addison are getting married with Josh being the best man and of course Lila MOH. I didn’t feel any sort of way because I’m secure in my relationship, he’s not interested in her and he just had to walk down the aisle with her. Matt and Addison even set it up so he could sit with me at the reception much to Lila’s displeasure.

Well at the reception as she kept coming over and trying to flirt with Josh saying to not forget that the best man is “required” to dance with the MOH. Which is flatly just told her “that’s not a thing.”

Well about two weeks ago we got engaged yay! There is a group chat I was added into once I had established my own friendships and wasn’t just “Josh’s girlfriend” where people organize pub nights, beach trips etc. Josh announced our engagement in it a day later and everyone other than you guessed it Lila congratulated us… huge shock right?

Well now to the issue we are here for Friday night around 1-2 am ish apparently Lila decided to message Josh privately. The first was something like “I was just thinking about you” followed up with a semi nude photo, then “you’re not married yet” and a bunch of other inappropriate stuff. He didn’t see it until he woke up yesterday morning.

We were just chilling in bed checking emails etc and he just says “what the f*@k?!” Then hands me the phone. Obviously I was wicked pissed off as was he so he just shot back a message telling her that it was highly inappropriate and disrespectful and not to contact him again. She then attempts to backpedal with excuses “she was drunk” and then “oops I sent it to the wrong person don’t tell OP!”

The last part pushed me over the edge and I asked him to screen shot it to me. I told him I wouldn’t include the photo (revenge porn is never okay) but I was going to post it in the group chat because this is the last straw as long as he was fine with me doing so. So I did and I said that we were done with this disrespect and would no longer engaging with someone who would do something like this.

Not the most mature on my part but I think everyone needed to know. And wow did the chat light up! Lila pretty much immediately left the chat but everyone else was so shocked she would do that. Lila went crying to Addison (because she said I bullied her) who feels somewhat torn because she wishes that it was handled privately but she has only escalated any attempts to shut her down.

So AITAH for putting her on blast by posting her texts to my fiancé in the group chat to hold her accountable? Everyone else is disgusted with her but my fiancé’s best friend’s wife feels it should have been handled privately.

What do you think of how she handled this? This is what top commenters had to say:

FinalConsequence70 said:

NTA, and good on you. Except you didn't really call out a "friend", because Lila has never been your friend. And if anyone tries to defend her actions, or thinks you were wrong for publicly calling out her behavior, they're not your friends either, and feel free to cut them off. OH, and Josh sounds like a stand up guy! Congrats on the engagement. Don't invite Lila! ( or do, just to rub it in her face! ).

AHorseNamedPhil said:

NTA. I don't understand what people are thinking in these sorts of scenarios. Let's say your bid to be the other woman or man succeeds. Is that person who was really so ready to drop their significant other the minute someone else showed interest a catch? Nevermind the selfish aspect, it's self destructive. They're setting themselves up for similar drama. "You lose them how you found them."

BlueGreen_1956 said:

NTA. Thye always hate to see the UNO reverse card. Lila seems to have missed the message that "no" means "no" even when it comes from a man.

1000thatbeyotch said:

If you didn’t shut her down, no one else would have. Addison feels bad about it because Lila was interested in your fiance, but Lila crossed clear boundaries. It had been made clear that he wasn’t interested in her, yet she continued.

And donnydadealer98 said:

I would have posted it to socials tagging her and everyone she knows not a group chat

Four days after her original post, she shared this update on the situation:

So I promised an update to my original post, I was surprised at the amount of responses I received! Thank you to everyone for your words of support and also for making me like I wasn’t a total psycho for sharing the messages with everyone. I read through some of the comments and got a good laugh at some.

On to the fallout… Josh and I are obviously fine and that was never going to be an issue. He’s amazing, we communicate well and don’t have secrets. Matt came over to talk to Josh and apologize though he had nothing to apologize for. He had a long talk with Addison about how he felt it was way out of line to tell me it should have been handled privately.

He said he told his wife that Lila is an issue in their relationship as well because she always invites herself along when they are doing things or going out as a couple. She constantly complains and then always gets “too drunk” so she has to spend the night. I guess he has said something in the past but she always lets Lila steamroll her.

He put his foot down and said she needs to set boundaries with her and they need to take time apart. She agreed but expressed her fear of Lila’s reaction… Well apparently that conversation went about as bad as you’d think. She decided to do it over a phone call and Lila lost her mind. She accused me of gaslighting? (I am pretty sure she doesn’t actually know what that means)

Then she tried to explain what happened again which went from it was sent to the wrong person, it wasn’t even a big deal, Josh has always lead her on so she thought he wanted it (ah what?), she was so wasted she doesn’t really remember sending it and finally blaming Addison for not trying hard enough to hook them up.

When she finally told Lila that they need time apart so she can focus on her marriage and work she absolutely lost it. She told her that she can’t end a long term friendship over the phone so she was going to come over because she owes it to her to say it to her face.

She told her no and Josh told Addison to let Lila know that she wouldn’t be let in and the cops would be called. She hung up and they both blocked her number. This girl is really wicked insane.

I had a talk with Addison and she apologized for trying to smooth things over because she didn’t want to deal with the wrath of Lila as she has seen her go off on other people in the past. I forgive her but I’m going to move slowly with that friendship to see what her actions show.

I do feel bad because that was obvious a toxic friendship which seems kind of like a trauma bond but I’m not psychiatrist. I just never want to get in the way of Josh’s friendships and I know Matt is very important to him.

So she’s gone at least for now, but regardless whether her and Addison eventually reconnect we are having nothing to do with her ever again. This all actually tightened my friendship with Sara who has been the long term partner of another one of their friends as she has been a major supporter. We always got along really well, she’s come out for girls nights with my other friends and I too.

She was ready to go to war for me haha. So that’s the silver lining out of all of this. I hate drama. Honestly it worries me this person is shaping young minds for a living because she is obviously not mentally or emotionally well. I love my partner more than I ever knew was possible but somehow this just made us even more solid.

I’m pretty sure we haven’t heard the last from her but she has no power my life so that’s that. I guess the moral of this all is don’t be a pushy ho-bag and send unwanted photos and texts. No means no kids!

Sources: Reddit
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