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Woman refuses to host BF's friends and kids in her house, BF says 'but they're family.'

Woman refuses to host BF's friends and kids in her house, BF says 'but they're family.'


Hosting people can be a lot of work even when you really want to, but it's a whole different ballpark when it's not your idea in the first place, and you feel forced into playing hotel for people you barely know.

Figuring out how to navigate visitors is a big hurdle when you're in a long-term relationship, as you want to be there for each other's friends but also need to respect your own boundaries and limits in the process. Sometimes, you're so deep in the weeds of your debate that you need outsider perspectives to settle what's best. Luckily, the internet is always ready for that.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not wanting to host her boyfriend's family friends in her house.

She wrote:

AITA for not letting friends from out of town stay at my home?

My (30F) boyfriend (35M) has two friends who live in another state, let's call them Jack and Liz. They want to come visit us in our state with their four children, ages ranging from 5-10. I live in the downtown area of our city while my boyfriend lives about 1 hour away in the suburbs.

My house is close to where I go to school full-time (about a 5-minute walk) and also close to where I work (10-minute walk to my first job, 10-minute drive to my second job). I live with my 3 dogs and because of my busy schedule, I have a dog walker come everyday to feed and care for them.

When Jack and Liz come to visit with their kids, they are asking to stay at my house. Here's the thing though, they want me to leave my house so that their family can stay there with complete privacy. I think it is also worth noting that I have never met or spoken to Jack and Liz before (they are my boyfriend's friends and not mine).

Also, they are originally from our city, so they have their parents and family members who still live here. They seem pretty wealthy mostly because they tell my boyfriend that they are. Liz is a SAHM and has never worked before because Jack has had multiple inheritances from deceased family members and he brags about his high-paying job.

They also own about 10 rental properties that they collect passive income from (believe they bought these houses with the inheritances). Before meeting Jack, Liz also did not work because her family is wealthy and supported her. The thing is, my commute to work and school (I have one or both 7 days a week) is over an hour each way from my boyfriend's house in the suburbs.

I already have such long days that changing my commute to be 2+ hours a day, even for a week, is giving me anxiety with all of the stuff I have going on between work and school. Also, I don't have anyone to walk my dogs at my boyfriend's house and even if I were to hire a dog walker, he doesn't want a stranger having access to enter his house.

Finally, it would just be really uncomfortable to have to leave my own home and I am also nervous about having young children running around my house when I am not there and my home is not childproofed. So, AITA? My boyfriend seems disappointed in me because I am not opening my home to his friends and I am already making a bad impression on them.

He also thinks that I am doing this because I am deciding to not like them based on what I know about them (just what I've heard from him). Stuff like they are always asking to use my streaming logins but keep logging me out, when their dogs get old they abandon them at shelters so they can make room for new puppies.

I do think that this kind of stuff bothers me BUT I think that even if it were my own friends making this housing request of me, I would tell them to get a hotel or stay at their parent's houses.

People had a lot of comments and questions.

champagneformyrealfr wrote:

'They want me to leave my house so that their family can stay there with complete privacy.'

Are they for real?? I cannot believe the audacity of anyone to ask you to do that, much less people you've never met before (and their four children). NTA. Tell them airbnb offers full property rentals to suit their privacy needs.

MaybeAWalrus wrote:

NTA. Why can't they just go to your bf's house, and your bf can stay at your place ?! It would make way more sense. Asking you to EXIT YOUR OWN HOME to give privacy to people IN YOUR HOME sound very entitled.

JazzyLizard27 wrote:

NTA and holy red flags about your boyfriend. No one is entitled to stay at your home and they especially aren't entitled to just take it over for a week. That's insane and no one with healthy boundaries would allow that to happen. The fact that your boyfriend is disappointed in you for wanting to stay in your own house is a huge red flag.

Crystal_crone wrote:

What kind of trashy people ask a stranger to vacate their house for free for an entire week so they can use it? Money does not buy class and this is a perfect example! No is a full sentence. Tell your boyfriend that exact thing! NTA he can give up his place to them. Only broke people ask for other people's streaming passwords. Those things are just a few dollars a month. I think they lie about their wealth.

SatelliteBeach123 wrote:

NTA. Oh hell no. I don't even think that your commute, dogs, etc. are relevant. These people want you to leave YOUR home. People you have never met. Who does this? Absolutely not.

After receiving a good deal of comments, OP jumped on to clarify a few things.

Edit to add: My boyfriend lost both his parents young (when he was 16 and 22) and he doesn’t have siblings or much extended family. He considers his friends from high school as his family. I am trying to be sensitive to his situation, because essentially he thinks that I should be more accommodating to his friends, since they are his family.

Edit #2: Regarding their past actions for their family pets, I find it absolutely abhorrent. When I’ve brought it up, I’ve been told that I am out of line because I don’t have a family/children. My boyfriend thinks any criticism of their actions towards pets is a criticism of them as parents, which since I don’t have kids, I shouldn’t be allowed to voice opinions on stuff I don’t know about.

My boyfriend thinks that at least two of the abandoned dogs may be attributed towards PPD since they were both within a year of a baby being born. However, I feel like the fact that animal family members were the victims, this is still abhorrent behavior.

Clearly, OP is NTA, but everything about these people and her boyfriend's lack of boundaries waves a red flag.

Sources: Reddit
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