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'AITA if I attend my BFF's wedding since his fiancée is jealous of our relationship?' UPDATED

'AITA if I attend my BFF's wedding since his fiancée is jealous of our relationship?' UPDATED


"WIBTA if I attended my best friend’s wedding?"

Here's the original post:

I (f24) have been best friends with ‘Andrew’ (m24) since kindergarten. Its always been me and him against the world, we’ve had other friends throughout our lives and been part of different circles but we’ve always been each other’s number one.

Things got tricky when we joined the dating pool, some of my boyfriends would often times get jealous of the bond we shared. Obviously to us, it was always purely platonic but in our small town, a male and female friendship as close as ours was unconventional.

Andrew started dating Jess in April 2019 and they are due to get married in January. I am extremely happy for them and I’m looking forward to having little babies to spoil. However, I recently found out through a mutual friend that Jess does not like me.

Jess was telling my friend that she has always felt insecure about me and Andrew’s friendship and thinks I have feelings for him. It was my first time hearing about this, she has always been nice and sweet when we’ve met up so this came out of the blue for me.

Our mutual friend advised me to not attend the wedding as to not ruin Jess’ special day. I have been thinking about not going but I was named Andrew’s ‘best man’ alongside his brother and I don’t want to bail on him or hurt his feelings by not attending. So, WIBTA If I attended my best friend’s wedding?

What do you think? The verdict among commenters was: NTA.

Here are some of the top comments:

realstareyes said:

NTA. Can‘t Andrew and Jess talk about it and find a solution? Seems like they should communicate SOON and CLEARLY.

Monsterbones said:

NTA have a talk w/andrew about it, see what he says. It's important that he's made aware of shit too, y'know?

BoneMarrowButter said:

NTA. Jess is just jealous and it may or may not go away over time. If not sit down and talk about it with her or ask if Andrew knows about it. If you are still dating it will likely go away with time.

Left-Car6520 said:

I would ask Andrew if he is aware of any upset from Jess on this, without necessarily mentioning that your friend has said that Jess has said this (because that could blow up a conflict between them that you probably don't want to set off if it can be avoided). And then you can talk to him about what to do about that or he can talk to Jess.

I think your friend is quite wrong to say you should skip the wedding because it would 'ruin Jess's day' because she doesn't know that it would, and also because it implies that you have somehow done something wrong. And it also ignores that it would ruin Andrew's day if his best man declines to attend. Seems like your friend is stirring drama a bit.

Jess is the one that needs to resolve this with Andrew. If you are invited, you should accept. But also speak to Andrew. NTA

-Myrtle_the_Turtle- said:

NTA. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and not long after my ‘Andrew’ married his ‘Jess’, who seemed fine with me up until (and including) the wedding, he essentially ghosted me… after almost 20 years of friendship. I’m still devastated but there’s not much you can do when they’ve made their choice. Kick in the guts though. I sincerely hope this isn’t the case for you, of course. GL!

A few days after her original post, she shared this update:

Thank you so much to everyone who replied and gave me some things to think about in my previous post. I’m very happy to inform everyone that this is a happy update and things thankfully didn’t escalate.

I reached out to Andrew and talked with him privately about what I had heard and he was also as taken back as I was, given that Jess had not mentioned anything to him either. I asked for him to not mention it to Jess and instead chose to talk to her myself.

We had lunch at my apartment and she did confide in me about some insecurities she had felt about my friendship with her fiancé. I was more than happy to reassure her that he was nothing more to me than a little brother. We also established more boundaries so she feels more secure.

We also talked about what our mutual friend said and Jess did talk to her about how she was feeling but she never asked or even mentioned my participation in the wedding. I did offer to back out of the wedding party but she insisted that it wasn’t necessary and both her and Andrew wanted me there.

I did take some people’s advice and me and Jess will have a girls night every Friday. It’s important to me to be able to be even closer with her and I want to be able to put any of her worries to rest.

As for some criticism in my last post about me saying me and Andrew were each other’s ‘number one’, I can assure you all that I meant it in “we’ll have other friends but we’ll always be each other’s number one friend”. I know my place in Andrew’s life and I am in no way trying to be or will I ever be above his future wife.

Healthy and honest communication FTW!

Sources: Reddit
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