"My (M21) best friend P (F22) is dating my high school bully and I'm cutting her out of my life."

Just as the title said. I (M21) have a girl (Let's call her "Priscilla" F22) I considered to be my best friend for the last three years. Priscilla has seen me go through a lot. Especially after my family disowned me for not forgiving my cousin for hooking up with my then-girlfriend four years ago.

Priscilla was the one to help me through all that and I genuinely thought she was someone who would never hurt me. But here I am. Last night she was hanging around my apartment and we were drinking. She is not good with it, so she got loose and admitted to being in a relationship with my high school bully.

All of us were in the same class so she knows the kind of things Mitch (M22, I think) has done to me. Especially after my family disowned me, he got even meaner as my cousin was a part of his group. He and his gang of lackeys always physically and mentally abused me. I filed a complaint with the school, but we all know how "helpful" they are in these cases.

Moreover, since I did not have my parents by my side, nothing was done to them and my life was made even [more] hellish. Priscilla was the only one who kept me together as I started living with her parents after I was disowned. So she knows first hand what kind of torment Mitch put me through.

Back to the topic... I don't think she immediately realised what she had admitted to and went to sleep in my spare bedroom. I was too shocked to sleep so I went to stay with a college friend. Priscilla must have realised what she confessed to last night and has since been bombarding my phone with calls and texts. My friend took my phone away and I am using his phone to type this post (apologies for any mistakes).

I am honestly thinking of cutting her out [of my life] at this point. Priscilla means a lot to me but I just can't be around her anymore. But I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable here... Can someone help me?

Edit: Well, I don't know how to update posts in this sub so I'll just tell you some information here. I have decided to meet her tomorrow to hear her side of the story. I need to do at least that much. Also, I'll answer your questions tomorrow as well. Thank you for everything. I never knew there would be so many people out there who will help me so much.

Commenters weighed in to share their thoughts and advice:

dihler said:

I would cut her out of my life as well. She knew what this was gonna do with you and still did it. I would however talk to her and let her know how hurt you are and clear the air as much as you can before moving on. Otherwise you might doubt your decision continously and feel like shit.

On top I would also recommend therapy for you because that's a lot of baggage you are carrying around that's waiting to be unloaded. Best of luck and remember to look forward!

Flight_freedom23 said:

Hey OP, I am really sorry to hear you have to deal with this. To reference those saying that people change-OP, you are not required to forgive him(or your friend) under any circumstances. And, moreover, your best friend cannot forgive him for you. I think you should also note that she clearly deliberately hid her relationship from you.

She knew that this would upset you, hence why she hid it from you until she was too drunk to continue doing so.

I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to cut her off, or even request distance. If this is unforgiveable for you, that's okay. Personally, I wouldn't be able to forgive a friend that dated my abuser, so I understand where you are coming from. I think whatever choice you end up making is up to you, but whatever option you choose is okay. I wish you luck in continuing to heal moving forward.

And [deleted] said:

Wow, she’s a terrible person for doing that. There is no way in hell she didn’t realize this was going to be the outcome. On top of it all, she has given your bully even more ammunition to humiliate and bully you with. I guarantee she has probably told him everything about you and about all the breakdowns you’ve had. This person is NOT your friend

A week later, he shared this update:

Let me start with apologies and thank you to everyone who helped me with my last post. But to those who couldn't, you can view the story through my post history (I think). Also, this post is going to be a long one, so apologies in advance.

Either way, I went to talk with Priscilla the next day to get to know her side as most of you wonderful people suggested [to] me. But on someone's advice, I did not go alone. I had a couple of my college friends with me.

I didn't know what I was thinking or feeling back when I entered the cafe we were supposed to meet in. But when I saw her it felt as if she had been crying for the entire night. As Priscilla saw me walking towards her, she got up to hug me (we usually greet each other like that) but I gently pushed her away.

I could see she was hurt but so was I. My buddies took seats over at the next table, and Priscilla and I got to talking. She could barely form any sentences as she kept apologising. I told her to stop crying as gently as I could and she finally started telling her side of the story to me.

Well... They had not been dating for three months, but for a year. Yup. For a year she had been lying to me. And then came the line which most of you said she would.

Priscilla: He has changed a lot. You should meet him-

Me: Really? You're going to say that to me after all he has done? I still have scars from what he did to me, you know this don't you? Why were you talking to him in the first place?

Priscilla: He wanted to apologize to you for all he did but didn't have the courage.

From then on the conversation went in circles. He wanted to apologize, the two of them got to talking and all. But she did not have the answer for my one question, why him?

At this point, someone walked over to us and sat beside her. Any guesses who it was? Yup. It was my bully (let's call him Mitch). I don't clearly remember what happened afterwards, but there was a lot of yelling and then Mitch snapped and lashed out at me for 'making his girl cry'.

Priscilla was watching it all. I wasn't in the right mind and he hit me. My friends rushed over but before they could do anything I knocked Mitch down. (Back in high school I used to be small and weak. But in the last couple of years I have grown a lot, both in height and weight.)

Thankfully my friends stopped me before I did something that would have made me regret it later on. Priscilla was crying all the while but not once did she try to check on me. At that moment I knew our friendship was over. I looked at her for one last time and told her, "Too much for a change, don't you think?"

After that, my friends and I walked out of the cafe. It was then all the rush and anger I had, disappeared and I started bawling like I was back in high school. Not proud of it, but my friends helped me immensely.

The days following the meet were tiring as I was busy moving in with my friends. The apartment I was living in belonged to Priscilla's parents so I didn't think it was right for me to continue living there.

However, before leaving I called them and told them about the fight and stuff and that I was moving out. They were surprised and reassured me that their daughter will not cause me any issues. But I declined. I was living there while paying minimum rent to them and I did not think it would be a good idea for me to live somewhere Priscilla could find me.

I thanked them for all they had done for me over the last few years and reassured them our relationship was still the same. I could feel it was tough for all of us, but this farewell was necessary.

So here I am, living with my college friends who also celebrated my birthday last night. It was an awesome party and completely unexpected too. After all, in all this mess I forgot about my birthday for the first time in life.

On my birthday, Priscilla tried to call and text me. But I didn't reply to or see her texts. So that's all, I think... I'm still sad about losing my best friend, but I know this is the best for both of us. On a positive note though, I was informed that I have been selected for a student exchange program so I'll be moving to Singapore in a couple of months.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment and I'll try to answer them to the best of my ability. And lastly, thank you for all the love and support you people gave me. Love ya'll and take care! (Still using my phone so sorry for any typos).

A year later, he shared this second update:

Well, it's been a year and I finally remembered the password to this account, haha. I've been doing good in life, got a job and loving family now. Also, I ended up moving to India instead of Singapore (I'll give the reasons below). Now for the update as so many people asked for it:

After our little "get-together", I cut off all communications with Priscilla, but [the] surprises weren't over yet. After a week of silence, police showed up at my friend's apartment where I was staying. They were there to arrest me for "assaulting" Mitch. I had never been so scared in my life before, but my friend and his parents assured me it'll be alright as I hadn't done anything wrong.

We went to the police station where the officers wanted to hear my side of the story as Mitch apparently had a witness by his side who reported me (I guess we all know who it was). Thankfully, I had witnesses of my own (my friends) who verified my story. Had it not been for them, I'd probably be in a prison cell or something.

Once everything was resolved, my friend's step-dad (he's a lawyer) wanted me to sue Mitch and Priscilla for harassment and for the shiz they pulled at the station. Even though I wanted to, I didn't for the sake of Priscilla's parents and the love and support they showed me. Unfortunately, it meant I couldn't sue Mitch either as both Mitch and Priscilla were involved in the matter together.

But that incident was enough to make me burn bridges with them. Priscilla did call and leave letters for me, but I didn't bother reading them and burned them out of existence. Sadly, because of all this drama, the opportunity I had to study in Singapore was given to someone else. I was a bit bummed out as it was the one thing I could look forward to but what can I do? It is what it is.

Unfortunately, it seemed the news of my "arrest" reached my family and my mother, against my father's wishes, came to visit me. (I still don't know how she managed to find me, but I think she hired a PI or something.)

I didn't want to meet her after what the so-called family had done to me, but my friend's mom persuaded me otherwise. So we had a chat, and well... let's just say it [explained] why everyone in my family hated me. I'm [the product of an] affair. It never occurred to me that it could be the case. But now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

My father (well, I dunno what I should call my mom's husband) is Caucasian while my mother is from India. So I always thought my skin, hair and everything was from my mom's side. Turns out, it's because my mom had a fling with her ex while she was in India for a year that resulted in her having me.

At first I didn't want to believe it, but the DNA results she showed me didn't lie. She gave me my bio dad's details in case I wanted to talk to him and apologised for not being the mother I deserved to have, then kissed my forehead and left.

She isn't going to leave her husband and I'm okay with it. It's not like we'll have a relationship anytime soon. I still hate her, and it'll take a lot of time to let go off the hatred I have for her and my ex-family.

That said, I wasn't so sure if I should contact my bio dad or not. But it seemed while I was thinking about the decision, my mom informed my bio dad about me because a couple days later he called me.

Long story short, we called and FaceTimed a lot for 3-4 months, and he and his wife and my half-sister flew in to visit me at least once a month for the rest of the year. I [then] decided to live with them in India and I couldn't be any happier. Currently we live in Surat, in the state of Gujarat and life's been good. My family loves me and I even have a girlfriend now.

I'm still adapting to the new culture, and to be honest I kinda miss my friends, Priscilla included. But after all the drama I've been through, it's better to let go of the past and focus on making a better tomorrow.

So that's it, I hope this'll be the last thing I'll post here. Thanks for all the advice and help you lovely people have shown me, hopefully, some day I'll be able to return the favour! Bye for now! (I'm writing on mobile, so there'll be quite a few mistakes here. Try to ignore them 😅)