So, last month I (F30) went with my friends (F, 29, 31 and 33) to the movie theater to watch a concert of my favorite artist. I ran into a co-worker (M36) and his wife (early 20s). I always thought I got along fine with my co-worker , but I wouldn’t go as far to call him my friend. I went to say hi to him and he introduced me to his wife, let’s call her Vivian.
Later during the concert (keep in mind that while we have assigned seats in the theater, nobody was sitting, it was anarchy) I noticed Vivian was alone, so I approached her and asked her about my co-worker and she said he left because he was bored.
I kind of felt bad for her, so I told her if she wanted she could join our group, she ended up spending the rest of the concert with us, after the theater we all went to have dinner, we bonded with Vivian over our love for the artist, and by the end of the night we all ended up adding her in social media.
That’s the one and only time I have seen her in person, and our interaction on social media is just tagging each other (and the rest of the group) in news about the artist we both love. This Sunday she posted pictures of a batch of cookies she was making.
I commented they looked delicious, and she sent me a PM saying she actually made A LOT of cookies, she said she could send me some with my coworker if I wanted. I saw nothing wrong with this so I accepted.
Well, my coworker gave me the cookies yesterday and he said that, until Vivian gave him the cookies for me, he didn’t know we had kept in touch, but he didn’t like it. He said I need to block her now and never speak to her again.
This caught me by surprise. While we have never been friends, we have always been polite to each other and I can’t think of a reason why he would want me to block his wife. I don’t have a reputation of being problematic or anything like that in the office.
I don’t keep up with the office gossip, in case he is worried I’m going to tell her what he is up to. In case he is worried I’m Ms-Steal-Your-Girl, I’m not a home-wrecker and I’m straight anyway.
Anyway, I was too surprised to actually give him a good reply, so I just told him he doesn’t get to tell me what to do, that I’m not going to block someone just because he told me to. I said that, if he has a problem, he can discuss this with his wife.
Now, I’m second guessing if this was the right thing to do. Maybe I was too harsh, and I could have talked about it with him. Maybe I’m creating unnecessary drama. AITA?
NTA but be careful. He sounds controlling and may be trying to alienate his wife from any outsiders. That's a sign of possible abuse imo. Honestly who you or Vivian are friends with isn't any of his business and that's disturbingly controlling.
NTA. I would be worried about Vivian and how controlling he is. Please keep her in your circle and check on her. His behavior is strange at the very least and could turn concerning.
NTA. You two hit it off. No need for him to be a grumpy gus. My bet is he doesn't want his wife to "accidentally" find out through you when he surreptitiously takes a day off work to go gambling or something. Or, like what happened at my work, he's been hiding quarterly safety bonus checks that she never new about to get himself some toys, or to gamble with.
NTA - Guy seems like an ahole honestly. You're right, he doesn't get to decide who you or his wife communicate with.
NTA. It seems like he’s controlling and isolates her; so running into you at the 💜concert movie💜 and you being kind to his wife is throwing off his game. If he’s got her alone, he’s got all the power. You may not even be talking about their marriage or how he treats her; he will see anyone was a threat to his power over her.
NTA - Your coworker can't control who you interact with on social media. Blocking someone just because he told you to would be unreasonable. It's important to set boundaries and not let others dictate your relationships.
NTA. What a bizarre thing to ask you to do! If he has an issue with his wife's social media habits he should take it up with her, as you said - but this is so weirdly controlling that I'm a little worried that he's trying to isolate her.
Could be he just doesn't want to mix work and home life to avoid any personal drama at work, but in that case, why bring drama into work by asking you to block her instead of vice versa? I hope you can keep in touch with her, in case she needs a friend!