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Childfree woman bails on wine night after friend brings kid; gets angry texts. AITA?

Childfree woman bails on wine night after friend brings kid; gets angry texts. AITA?


Coordinating hangouts with friends can get increasingly difficult the deeper you get into adulthood. For starters, you have to find a time when everyone is free to meet in the first place. Then, you have to agree on a place to meet and the nature of your hang out, whether it's alcohol-fueled, an outdoor experience, a coffee hang, or something even more involved.

Then, there's the question of inviting partners, children, or other more peripheral friends. Between all of these logistics, it's no wonder people have such a hard time maintaining active friendships throughout their adult years.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for bailing on her friends when they include their children.

She wrote:

AITA for always turning down hang-outs with my friends when they ask to bring their kids?

I have a friend group of 7 women from uni. I'm the only one that's child-free, but 1 is childless, 2 are pregnant with their first and 3 have kids. We as a group rarely meet up. I've seen all of them maybe twice in the last year, and we all live in the same city.

Every time someone asks to meet up and we finally find a date everyone is available, one of the moms always asks if they can bring their child, or children. It's usually 1 of 2 moms, as the third actually wants to have a kid-free evening. And before anyone else can answer, the other mom says yes.

All three moms have husbands who can watch their kids. Most of them also have both sets of grandparents who are involved. But somehow they never manage to find someone who can 'babysit,' as they call it. So at this point, I've stopped answering until they've set a time and place, someone has asked about kids, and I say I can't make it. I hang out with them one on one, or in smaller groups instead.

Well a few days ago we agreed to finally meet up. No one had asked about kids and we were having a bbq and wine night. We'll, who shows up with their 8-year-old? Yep, one of the moms. I clearly didn't hide my annoyance and one of the girls asked me why. I just waved it off and 30 min later I excused myself and left. Said I didn't feel well.

In those 30 min we hadn't had any 'adult talk,' we were just entertaining the kid. I would rather go home than do this for another 3-4 hours. After I left, I think they realized this was a pattern and I got text from most of the girls in the group.

Some calling me an @$$hole, others just saying they were annoyed with me for leaving, while the third mom having my back, and asked to meet up later that week to have a proper wine night. I don't hate kids at all. I work with them every day and don't want to spend my time off, relaxing with friends, having to entertain other people's kids again. AITA?

People had a lot to say about the topic, and shared all of those thoughts generously.

Inevitable-Speech-38 wrote:

NTA. Wine night with friends from college pretty definitely means no children.

Haunting_Being wrote:

NAH, it sounds like your friend circle is naturally fracturing, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It is quite natural for young parents to want to socialize with their children in tow when their friendship circle consists of other parents in the same situation. It's also a nice way for their children to mix with others.

Edit: wow! Thanks for all the upvotes.

To Elaborate further, by young parents I was referring to the parents and expectant parents in the group as a whole, not just the one with the eight-year-old.

champagneformyrealfr wrote:

NTA, but you're being passive-aggressive. I understand not wanting to be around kids in your free time, but you need to establish early on in the planning process that it's just a gals' night, or something to that effect. You can't assume the others will automatically think of or want to arrange childcare when one of you suggests hanging out, and then get mad when they don't.

Ok-Context1168 wrote:

NTA. It's a bbq and wine night. It's silly to bring your kid to that. Why don't you, or better yet, the mom that wants a girls' night without kids, directly ask that of the group? That way, they can't accuse you of hating kids or something weird because a mom wants a break!

No-Locksmith-8590 wrote:

NTA but just tell them, 'I am not available for kid play dates but am happy to spend adult time with you guys'. You aren't demanding they not get together without the kids, you just don't go.

It's unanimous that OP isn't TA for how she feels, but there needs to be a more sustainable solution long-term for these friendships to have a chance.

Sources: Reddit
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