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Woman 'creeped out' when friend's husband crashes their laides' hot tub night.

Woman 'creeped out' when friend's husband crashes their laides' hot tub night.


'AITA for bailing on an event I agreed to when the hostess’ husband was added to the mix?'


Hi, folks. A friend of mine (23F) has recently bought a house that came with a large, nice hot tub. She was really excited about this and I (27F) suggested she have a house warming party. She landed on the idea inviting about a dozen of our mutual girl friends for a ladies hot tub party/ spa night.

I was really excited for her and, not going to lie, excited to attend. I offered to make and bring a large Charcuterie board. I actually went and bought all the ingredients for this, which was about $200.

So earlier this week (the event is Monday on the 3-day weekend), she told me her husband canceled the plans he made with his friends so he could stay for the party because it “sounded more fun”. The reason we chose this date was because he would be out of the house, so no men.

I personally don’t like being in swimsuits in public and I know that’s my own separate issue to work on. I was excited about this in part because I feel really comfortable and safe around these ladies and could relax instead of worrying about how I look in a swimsuit.

Anyway, since this development, I told her that I didn’t think I would attend because I wasn’t feeling great about being in a swimsuit. I didn’t specifically say her husband’s presence was the problem, but she’s a smart girl.

She told me to think about it and asked me to still bring the food. I made new plans for the day and won’t be in town to bring/make it. I let her know this as soon as it developed. She seemed peeved.

Now, I heard from another friend in the group that she’s mad at me for canceling and saying that it wasn’t right for me to offer to help with food and bail. And the worse part is she told her friend that I am making it out like her husband is a pervert.

UHM what? I never implied that, don’t think it, and feel like he has a right to be in a house he owns? I just don’t want to hot tub/ spa night with him. Am I the a**hole?

I suggested my friend have a housewarming party as a friendly suggestion because she was excited and most people I know have a house warming when they buy a house. It’s the norm in our circle, not usually a big to-do, but people come bring hostess gifts/hangout/eat dinner whatever.

SHE decided it should be an all girls hot tub night. We go to school together (along with most of our mutual friends) so WE noticed it was a long, holiday weekend & we had Monday off. SHE said this was perfect because her husband had plans for the holiday & would be out of the house for the girls party. And that’s how we chose the date.

I offered to make/bring a Charcuterie board bc I tend to do that for weddings/events on the side for extra cash & people often ask me to make them bc they like the way a styled Charcuterie board looks. I was a little extra spending $200 because I wanted it to be nice for her. A Charcuterie board does not need to cost $200.

Timeline: Monday (I go shopping), Tuesday (she tells me husband is coming. Tuesday night I say I won’t be attending bc swimsuit. She tells me to think about it & asks me to still bring food).

Wednesday (we are both busy and don’t talk about it). Thursday (I get invited to new plans for the weekend & let her know I will be out of town). Saturday (I hear from other friend she’s mad and saying I am making her husband out to be a pervert).

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. You were uncomfortable so removed YOURSELF from the situation, rather than demanding she uninvited her husband. What more does she want?


Well apparently she wants OP to still bring the food even if she herself doesn’t come.


Yeah my immediate thought after reading the question was: Free food, apparently.

The audacity of some people. Reminds me of the post of the bride and MoH being mad the SiL won't pay $600 for a bachelorette thing she said she's not going on right out of the gate. How can people be like well I don't care you're not coming gimme?!


NTA. The husband definitely liked the idea of a hot tub party with a dozen women. If you were having a crochet/quilting evening he’d be anywhere else on the planet.


NTA and why doesn't she find it strange he wants to attend something with all women?


NTA, the nature of her party changed and you are under no obligation to attend or provide the food. Her creepy husband who wants to bring his sausage to an all-female hot tub party can also bring the charcuterie board.

So, do you think the OP was overreacting to the presence of her friend's hubby or was he overstepping and invading ladies' night?

Sources: Reddit
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