Suspicious wife loses best friend and husband after demanding DNA test. (Not what you think.)
"OP loses her best friend and husband over a DNA test (not what you think)."
Dewhickey76
AITA to ask my friend (single mother) to do a paternity test on her son because I had suspicions my husband is the father? Messy but I’ll make this as short as possible.
So one of my best friends had a kid 3 years ago. She said it was a one night stand and later the guy expressed no interest in being a dad so she raised her son herself. No one has ever seen this guy, not even me.
The issue is this: this kid looks EXTREMELY like my husband like to an insane degree. The hair color, eyes, face everything. He’s even been out with my friend and her son and people have mistaken him to be the dad before.
Needless to say for three years now I’ve had my suspicions but I haven’t said anything. My husband is also close to my friend and the timeline works out. We were all living almost in the same neighborhood around the time she got pregnant.
Over the past year it’s really eaten at me. I see the resemblance growing more and more. It doesn’t help that my friend refuses to show me a picture of her son’s biological father no matter how much I asked.
It kept spiraling until I had a meltdown and confronted both of them, saying that I will pack up and leave if I don’t see a paternity test. Long story short, my friend got a paternity test but said our friendship is over.
The test says my husband isn’t the father. I feel so ashamed to lose my friend but I thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid. But he has moved out for the time being and I’m worried this is the end of our marriage.
AITA for insisting on that test? I honestly felt like I had no other choice. The resemblance was unavoidable and it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help. I thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes. Did I mess up and how badly?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
rollingthrulife79
Yeah, OP is single now. It would have been 1 thing to approach just her husband calmly and say "I know this sounds completely crazy but please, ease my mind.........". It's another thing to blow up at both of them and demand a test.
funkmasta8
This is such a mature comment. The first action when suspicious should be to approach the one you should trust and ask, not descend into paranoia to the point of blowing up.
Kawaii-Melanin
The issue is she basically yelled at them and gave them an ultimatum out of no where. Everybody is getting along having fun then all of a sudden OOP is like "YOU CHEATING MONSTERS!!!
I'LL PACK MY STUFF RIGHT NOW IF Y'ALL DON'T PROVE THAT BABY ISN'T MY HUSBANDS!" And they probably were like "We just wanted to know if you wanted to play monopoly with together?" I'd leave and stop being friends with you too lol.
I'm an adult that is capable of holding a private conversation and I'd approach my husband with concerns privately as would my husband approach me. But, I'm also poly so an outside child would just result in him providing for said child at the end of the day lol.
Past-Force-7283
Kids look a lot like other people, and they change so much at those ages. My now-four-year-old had blonde hair at 2 and dark brown hair the following year. Eye colors often don’t “establish” till around age 2. (Lots more babies than adults have blue eyes)
No one can recognize my one year old in his baby pics, he’s changed so much. All this to say, if you’re trying to establish paternity from looks I think you’re choosing the wrong method. If OP has suspicions because of how they acted around each other, or how her husband treats her friends kid, that’s a little more valid. But “they look alike?” 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
ZhiZhi17
When you ask for a DNA test, you accuse your partner of cheating. I know people love to argue about this but to me and many others, a rose by any other name. If my partner didn’t trust me and accused me of something horrific, I’d end the relationship.
Actions have consequences. I’ll be honest, usually the genders in these stories are switched but it doesn’t change the outcome. He feels betrayed that you didn’t trust him and he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore.
inkseep1
You know that people just drip with DNA all the time?
Like you could have given the kid a popsicle, swabbed the stick, and sent in the test yourself?
I never understand why people are demanding others do these tests when 30 seconds alone with a kid and he will simply slobber enough to get a sample. Or you can pick some stray hairs. There are lots of ways to get a covert sample. I can only imagine that you want others to do the test because of the cost.
Altruistic-Hand-7000
Now, what she should’ve done, is gone to therapy. In lieu of that, she should’ve gifted both her husband and her friend and the friend’s kid (and a few other people plus herself to make it look very broad) a bunch of DNA testing kits.
But really, your friend has a child whose father is absent and instead of offering her support you suspect her? And when your husband is kind to your friend because she’s your friend you suspect him? That needs therapy no matter how you slice it.