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Man betrayed by friend receives apology a decade later, is now asked for money help.

Man betrayed by friend receives apology a decade later, is now asked for money help.


Being betrayed is one of the worst feelings in the universe, even if you can map out the flawed circumstances that caused it. One of the worst dynamics is the expectation that you'll forgive, forget, and move on once the betrayer has finally realized the scope of their mistake.

While forgiveness can be cathartic for everyone, expectations of it can create a double standard that puts the emotional onus back onto the victim.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for not wanting to pay for his goddaughter's college after being betrayed by her dad. He wrote:

'AITA for refusing to pay for a former friend's daughter's college?'

I (M37) had a friend 'Roy' (M37) when I was in high school. We were friends for years prior to graduating and remained friends some years after. I considered him my best friend. At one point he had a daughter, May, and I became her Godfather at his and his partner's request. At the time I was still living with a bunch of friends from high school.

One of them was my roommate Taylor and his brother Jordan. Roy split with his wife during this time, and since I was his closest friend, I convinced the other guys to let Roy move in. Jordan had never liked me from the get-go, and attempted to drive wedges between my friends and I. He did this whenever I wasn't around, and I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until it was too late.

He'd make shrewd comments about my girlfriend being out of my league and my career amongst other things, and the few people who remained my friends told me in more detail that he lied about me (like saying I had trashed the kitchen, when it was really him), and despite them trying to defend me, their words fell on deaf ears. I was unaware, but apparently, even Roy believed Jordan.

Our lease was ending near this point and Jordan, Taylor, and Roy had plotted behind my back to kick me out. We lived in a 5 bedroom and one of our roommates was leaving, but because of Jordan, many of my friends were uncomfortable moving in with me. So they decided to kick me out to bring 2 new people in, informing me about a month before the lease ended.

I was betrayed, and hurt, most of all by Roy, the person I considered a brother. After I got kicked out I struggled on my own for a while. I was 24 at the time, and I had a decent job, which is the only reason I made it on my own, even if it was just barely. That career set me up well for my future, to the point that I now live very comfortably, to say the least.

Flash forward about 6 years later, and Jordan drunkenly told Taylor and Roy that he had purposely gotten me kicked out, and that devolved into him spilling his guts about the situation. Turns out he was jealous of my girlfriend (who is now my wife) and how 'easy' my life looked. Roy and the others attempted to reconcile, and though I tried, it never felt right. I remained low contact.

That brings us to now. May graduated and they asked me to help pay for her college since I'm her godfather. I refused, based on the events of over 10 years ago now, and the fact that I hadn't been treated like her godfather in over a decade. He, his family, and my mother all seem to think I'm in the wrong.

My wife is pissy they have the balls to ask. I genuinely don't feel like I am but I'm sick of being pestered by so many. So Reddit, AITA for refusing to pay for her college?

People had a lot of questions and thoughts.

RichS816 wrote:

NTA. Never heard of a godparent being asked to help pay for college, especially when they haven’t been involved in the kids life. F#$k them.

SatisfactionNo1910 wrote:

I'm with your wife here...they have a lot of nerve. NTA.

Defiantly-Single wrote:

NTA. Plot spoiler. You can tell by the way that they have behaved towards you in the past that these people don't like you...they just like the idea of your money. The only way that you would be TA would be if you gave in to their BS; even then, you'd only be being TA to yourself.

judgingA-holes wrote:

NTA - Being middle finger to your fake friend. If Roy was a real friend he would have talked to you about/ asked about all the lies that Jordan was telling. And he would have been open and honest to you about not renewing the lease with you instead of only giving you a month notice.

Ok-Ebb4485 wrote:

There’s a famous quote that some older guys I know repeat to me fairly often. They say, “A happy wife makes for a happy life.” It’s true, even though I’m not married. Dude, your wife is not happy with them. You’re absolutely right for not paying college tuition for your goddaughter, but I think your wife wants you to never talk to them again. NTA but it’s time to go NC with those a-holes.

Clearly, OP is NTA, and needs to get far away from these 'friends.'

Sources: Reddit
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