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Man defends himself when blamed for friend's brother's injury; 'he paralyzed himself.' AITA?

Man defends himself when blamed for friend's brother's injury; 'he paralyzed himself.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my friend's paralyzed brother and loved ones that he did it to himself?"


Two years ago I went to the bachelor party of a long time friend, held at a ritzy hotel with an outdoor area next to a canal and an open bar. We were all drinking and having fun when I stepped away for a breather at which point his younger brother decided he was gonna shove me into the canal and in an alcohol fueled charge he comes hurdling at me and I step to the side just in time.

He hits the opposite side of the shallow canal and breaks his neck, the sound was awful and left no doubt he was either dead or seriously hurt, people start jumping in after him in an effort to get him out, one spraining his ankle as the water was less that chest height with a 2+ meter drop.

Ambulances come and take both of them away along with the groom and a fourth guy I can't remember, needless to say the evening is over and we all go home. My friend lets me know the wedding is postponed for the moment and that his brother is in a coma due to brain swelling and other complications.

A couple of weeks go by and I reach out... No answer. Couple of months... Still no answer. I get it, it's a traumatic event and give however much space is needed. A couple of weeks ago, I get a call from him wanting to meet up to talk, I agree and he gives me his parents address, which wasn't really a red flag because throughout our teens we hung out there pretty often.

When I show up the long driveway is filled 4+ cars and the street has a large wheelchair accessible minibus, again, I figure his parents are just having someone over, the house being big enough for more than one gathering.

I ring the doorbell and my friend opens looking a little antsy, inviting me inside taking me into the living room without a word, there I find almost fifteen people all looking at the door I'm getting dragged through.

Think surprise party but intervention atmosphere, everyone quiet, some scowling at me, others looking disappointed as if finding out I've been stealing from them all or something, then my friend's brother rolls forward, hands curled up, limbs thin as a skeleton.

He gives this long speech about how he needed to face me for what I'd done to him and taken from him, that I never once apologized for what I had done, but he didn't expect me to going on in circles out of breath until a woman walks up to him placing a hand on his shoulder before scornfully asking me if I got anything to say to him?.

I look at my friend and he looks away, then I look at everyone gathered and tell them that I have nothing to say to them, that I don't know what's going on here, but I didn't do anything to him, that what happened to him was his own fault and he shouldn't try to put that on anyone else, but that I'm sorry it happened to him.

People start crying, angry yells telling me to "Just get out!" and I leave. Later I find out through a mutual friend that he's been sharing his "Struggle" on facebook, vilifying me at every opportunity, including his recent ambush.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


Let me get this straight… you are at a bachelor party at a ritzy venue, and this prankster decides that it would be just the thing to shove you into an open canal. Well, that sounds like a plan.

And as you notice his drunken charge toward you, you step aside and allow him to proceed, unhindered, into the canal he was about to shove you into. Whereupon he landed badly, snapped his neck, and almost drowned. Annnnd his family is blaming.. you. Hahahahahaha, oh, hell no.

Ya know what? If it gets bad enough, and he defames you or your reputation, you can consult a lawyer. But it might be time to give social media a rest. Let him howl into the abyss. NTA.


NTA. What did he expect you to do?

Stand still and let him shove you and possibly die?

He is angry and trying to push the blame of his new life, albeit a very painfully tragic one, onto you simply because of the chain of events and has nowhere to vent his anger and grief. However you do not deserve to be blamed because this wasn’t an outcome anyone could have predicted and wasn’t at all your fault.


I would be sharing the truthful version of this story widely and hiring a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter. It sounds like you are being slandered.


NTA. If he had succeeded in shoving you you would probably be either dead or the paralyzed one wtf. Totally NTA you didn't force him to do anything his decisions his actions. He just needs someone to blame for something stupid he did.


NTA. You didn’t force him to drink the alcohol. You didn’t get him drunk. You didn’t make the bad decision to try to shove someone into a canal. You saved yourself from the potential of the same circumstances.

So, do you think the OP was in the right for defending themselves here? What would you have done?

Sources: Reddit
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