'AITA for ignoring my friend's phone calls and telling her off?'
"AITA for ignoring my friend's phone calls and telling her off?"
I've (37M) been friends with Lucy (38F) for about 30 years. Lucy always calls me when she has a problem, as we've been friends for so long and I've always been there for her. This can be something as small as editing her resume or something as big as needing a loan to make rent. Unfortunately Lucy only has one mode, emergency.
So whether it's a crisis or a simple problem, she always approaches it in emergency mode.
The other day, I was in the middle of taking a timed assessment for work on my phone. I was about 5 minutes into it when Lucy called me. As I was in the middle of the assessment, I declined the call and sent her to voicemail.
As soon as I did this, she called back. I once again declined and put her into voicemail. She called back a third time and I did the same.
Keeping in mind, every time she did this, it interrupted my assessment, the clock kept running, and the screen filled with her phone call taking away the question.
She texted me, which popped up on the screen, '911 call me.'
I responded, 'Busy, call you in 20.'
She replied, 'Please, it's an emergency!'
I closed the text, and continued my assessment. She then started calling again. I sent 5 calls in a row to voicemail.
I was behind on my assessment so I tried to power through, but stress was getting to me.
Lucy texted me again, 'Need you now!'
I lost it and texted back, 'F OFF!!!'
In 30 years, neither of us has ever said that to each other but in that moment I just wanted her to leave me alone.
She didn't respond but stopped calling me. When I finished my assessment, I called her back and she threw me into voicemail. I texted her and said I was done and could talk.
She replied, 'It's fine, I took care of it.'
I later learned that her car had broken down and she needed a ride to work so she wouldn't miss her shift. She wound up calling her father, she was late for work, and got a written warning. She's been very cold to me and I feel very badly that I hurt her.
I've apologized for cursing at her and she has just said, 'It's fine,' without any further comment. I'm beginning to doubt if my reaction was justified and feel horrible for damaging our friendship. Am I the a**hole for how I reacted and not helping my friend when she was in need?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. It wasn't a 911. It was an inconvenience.
It sounds like a toxic relationship in which she just uses you. Move on dude. She's not a friend.
NTA, she failed to consider that you could possibly be doing something that cannot be interrupted because she is the main character.
And now, having learned that she was interrupting you in the middle of something critical, her response is not to apologize but to act as though you were in the wrong for not stopping whatever you're doing, anything, because she is the priority? That's f*cked, this person is not a friend, she considers you a servant OP.
NTA, and OP is the NPC who always gets screwed.
Edit: NPC = Non Playable Character from Video Games.
Definitely some r/ImTheMainCharacter material. Yikes on bikes.
NTA, OP. It was pretty clear you were unavailable and even went out of your way to tell her when you'd be able to pick up. She refused to respect that. She clearly thinks her life is more important and you should put everything on hold when she rings.
If you plan on keeping this friendship for whatever reason, set some boundaries and STICK TO THEM. That s#*t is not okay.
NTA. I got irritated just reading it. She must be absurdly entitled if she thinks she can simply demand that you drop what you're doing whatever it is the moment she calls.
NTA. Tbh, she needed to f*ck off. Lucy needs a reality check that she’s not the center of everyone else’s universe.
NTA I hate when people call or text and don't actually say what the message is. Just say in the text the information you want me to know, don't be vague. That way I can decide if I want to contact them.
NTA! Yup! She could have mentioned she was stranded and needed a ride. 911 emergency is not a proper text message. On the other hand, OP should have put phone on DND or silent after the first call.
For those that didn't know, you can configure your phone to not allow people to bypass the DND. It's in the settings of DND and you slide the 'allow repeated calls' or 'repeat callers' to off.
NTA. But the bigger issue here is that your friend is an idiot, I don't understand how she wouldn't think to just text 'car broke down need ride to work' since if you were ignoring her calls instead of just letting it ring you obviously were able to glance at your screen or you were even near your phone.
What does your friend do if you just don't have your phone with you when she has an emergency?