Woman bails on bestie's bachelorette party mid-trip; 'I don't know who you are anymore.' UPDATED
'I left my best friend’s bachelorette party weekend trip, and now I’m not sure where we stand.'
This happened only a few hours ago and it’s still very raw. But I felt I needed to write it all down, clear my head, and possibly get some outside perspective.
So I (22F) am the MOH for my best friend (22F) of 18 years. We have been inseparable since we met at 4. Most people assume we are siblings and we never correct them, always referring to the other as “my sister”.
She met her fiancé (23M) in college 4 years ago and they are getting married in a month. This weekend was the bachelor and bachelorette party.
Leading up to this weekend, there were months of planning, booking, and excited anticipation. None of which I was a part of. I barely knew who was attending or where to go until a week before.
But, no big deal, Bride is a big planner and is very particular about things so I let her and her mother plan even though I am stressed about when and where to be. (And a bit bummed about missing out on MOH “duties”)
I show up on the Friday of the scheduled weekend, ready to have a good time. I show Bride the sashes, glasses and other things I had purchased for the weekend, she seems pleased. We get dinner and our small party (Me, Mother of Bride, MOB’s Best Friend, and Bride) turn in for the night.
The next morning we ask Bride about her plans for the weekend. “Get as drunk as possible” If anyone asked her to eat a meal (it was 8AM-12PM) She said “It’s my f*cking weekend, I’m an adult.” Or some other form of f*ck off.
She was much nicer when drunk to be honest. When there wasn’t a drink in her hand she was bitter and angry. Our party was concerned, as we felt our only job was to keep an eye on her and “babysit” her.
At one point at our lunch, I mentioned that I wanted to show her something, but wanted her “not to be drunk when she saw it” she replied that “if I said another thing about her getting sloshed this weekend she’d slap me” I kept my mouth shut in shock. She was sober when she said this to me.
As the day dragged on, our party is sunburned, we have blisters on our feet, our muscles are cramping, and we are running on little sleep but we are told to “suck it up”. We have 10 minutes or she is bar hopping in this large city alone. So, up we all go.
At the last bar, (that I went to) her mother asked her not to be rude. Her response? “If you don’t like it then go home.” Her mother sighs and walks into the bar, but I snapped.
I told her that honestly I had been thinking about it, and that I was sick of her terrible attitude all weekend. I received the same “it’s my weekend”
I told her that this had been going on long before this weekend and she looks at me and asks me , “why are you here then?” I responded- “because you asked me to be here” “you didn’t have to come” she said as she is turning around and walking to her drink.
The whole time she was ordering said drink. I told her-“you’re right” I then walked back to the hotel, packed, and left.
The OP quickly provided some specifics as the comments rolled in.
Frequent asked questions:
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Is this normal for Bride?
Not normally no. The past few months (and yes I had accounted it to wedding stress) she had been much more critical and harsh. And she only really spoke or messaged me when she wanted something from me.
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Where were all the other Bridesmaids?
I’m all. It’s only me that is a Bridesmaid and MOH. One reason why we are so close as friends is because we are each other’s ONLY friends. I always knew that she was a “difficult” person to be around, but she was always kind to me. Until this. And as for me, I have INTENSE social anxiety, and simply going around this weekend in the crowds was hard for me.
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Why were you against her having a good time and letting loose?
I’d like to make it very clear, I have NO PROBLEM with her doing whatever she wants on her bachelorette weekend or at anytime. I do however, begin to mind when it is at the expense of others mental/ physical health. Just because it was “her weekend” did not give her the excuse to treat the people who love and care about her like dirt under her shoe.
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Some further explanation
Her mom and mom’s best friend definitely know how to party. I saw that some thought it was odd that they were there. Bride is a first year teacher and Fiancé is a Computer software engineer from a well off family.
They travel often and live comfortably. Wedding is completely paid for by Bride/Fiancé’s Family. Fiancé treats her like a QUEEN. Bride was the one who pushed getting married (even giving Fiancé an ultimatum to leave him if he didn’t propose 1 year after college grad)
Also I saw a lot of confusion about the “I want to show you something” I wanted to show her something at our HOTEL. I then told her that I could show her the next morning so she could see it sober, as she would be drunk that night. That’s why it shocked me so much. Because I said it in a casual manner.
I have not heard anything from Bride since last night. Both her mom and mom’s best friend have checked up on me. I know some of you told me to reach out, but she very much has a mindset of “I am always right. There is no compromise” That has always been that way. The only difference is now her fury is pointed at me. Thank you all. I’ll keep you updated.
The OP updated in the same post.
Once again, thank you all so much for input and advice and overall just letting me rant. I still haven’t heard from Bride, but I spoke to her mom. I checked in to make sure that the made it back to the hotel room safely last night and that they also had a safe trip home and I asked how Bride was.
She said that the mood didn’t change last night and they stayed out a good while longer, then made it back to the room. I asked her if anything had been going on with Bride, she said that she had no clue of why she was acting the way she did this weekend.
It was a short conversation as she was tired from her drive home, but basically, no new info. I’m not normally active on Reddit, but I will update if anything else happens.
A few hours later, the OP again updated.
So Bride messaged me not too long ago. Apologized for her behavior over the weekend and for making me feel as if my only option was to leave. She said that she had been very overwhelmed and stressed due to moving, a new job and a pushy wedding planner.
She said she felt horrible for taking it out on me, but also didn’t want to bother me by constantly complaining about her problems. I told her that I was her best friend- it’s my job to be there for her, and that stress can make us all do crazy things.
After a few minutes of talking (and de-stressing) I finally started to see the friend I know. Thank you all for the advice and support.
Here is a selection of the top rated comments after the tawdry details were all shared:
I highly doubt that a single “de-stress” conversation is going to be the last time OOP has to put up with her friends awful behaviour.
This whole situation is a little strange, and it makes me wonder if there’s something else other than her moving, wedding, and job stress… regardless it’s not an excuse to treat your closest girls like that.
There’s no way this is the end of it. Really hoping we get a wedding update, I feel like it’s going to be a continuation of the nastiness.
Stress makes people weird. Communication helped.
The OP responded here:
Yeah, the stress of decision making and big changes does things to people.