Woman calls friend's GF 'disgusting' for behavior at party; GF demands apology. Updated!

'AITA for telling my best friend his gf is disgusting?'

I (22f) have been friends with Danny (22m) since high school and he recently moved in with his current gf Lucy (22f).

They had a housewarming party on Friday and Lucy spent most of the night dancing with her own friends who are very like her (excitable extroverted e.g) and dragging Danny away from his conversations with us (his friends) to dance even though he's more like us (introverted not party animals)

Later Danny was being quiet so I asked if he was okay and he said just tired, but he just kept watching Lucy dancing and then said something in her ear the next time she came over and she just shook her head and laughed at him.

After she went back to her friends I asked if it was bothering him how she was behaving and he asked me to explain. I mentioned the attention seeking dancing and the fact she was wearing something really revealing even though other guys were at this party. Danny said it didn't bother him then sat with a moody face.

At the end of the night Lucy sat down with us and started chatting non stop about how amazing the party had been. I pointed out jokingly Danny obviously wasn't enjoying himself since he looked miserable, and Danny told her I was worried he was jealous because of her outfit.

Lucy ruffled his hair (which he hates) and said he was quiet because he loved her outfit so much he couldn't wait for us all to leave so he could 'drag' her to bed. I thought that was completely inappropriate and said to Danny in that case I'd leave if she was just going to be disgusting and Lucy just laughed at me so I did leave.

Today Danny has messaged me saying Lucy wants an apology before I'm allowed back at their home but when I asked if Lucy will apologize for making me uncomfortable he said no she doesn't have anything to be sorry about.

I was genuinely only worried about my friend but admit I could have just left without calling her disgusting so AITA?

Conversation with OP:

Ok_Job_9417 says:

YTA - just say that you wanna date Danny and be done with the jealously.

Sea-Glass-2274 OP responded:

This is like 10th comment I've seen claiming I'm jealous while not addressing the actual issue at hand. If this was a man making a sexually charged comment people would agree that it was inappropriate.

I'm not jealous, Danny and I actually tried dating and agreed we are better as friends. I want him to be with someone that makes him happy.

imothro writes:

You literally attacked her about what she was wearing to her face. She was entitled to say anything she wanted to make you uncomfortable in that moment. Get therapy and stop being so hateful.

Sea-Glass-2274 OP responded:

No I didn't say anything to her about her outfit. I asked Danny if it bothered him and he told her what I said.

Here's how people judged OP:

Me-323 writes:

YTA and a jealous one at that. Danny was uncomfortable because of the way you were acting.

Memmzer writes:

He was probably hanging out with his friend group because he didn’t want them to feel excluded and not because he didn’t want to hang out with his girlfriend!

Sardinesadness writes:

YTA, girl.....what? I'm sorry but that's such a hateful way to talk abt someones gf just for having fun. she was literally just minding her business having a good time & you had to hate on her for it?

Stlhockeygrl writes:

Yta - and you sound jealous. And misogynistic. Women can wear whatever they want - even if gasp other men are around. Couples throwing a house party EXPECT each other to interact with the other's friends. Sex is not disgusting. She didn't go into detail - she just didn't let you s**t shame her.

Update from OP 1 week later:

Okay I completely accept I was an a**hole. I don't know if anyone wants an update since I seem to be Reddit's villain of the week...

Before I continue with the update I'd just like to clarify, someone DMed me saying Danny posted an update that Lucy cheated on him. I don't know if Danny even has a Reddit, and while I haven't been able to find the post myself, I can confirm that's not true, someone is lying to cause further issues...

Anyway I texted Danny and asked if I could sit down with him and Lucy to talk, they agreed and we met for coffee. I emphatically apologized to Lucy and then to Danny.

We spoke in detail about how in the past Danny has been similar to me in his attitude towards sex/PDA etc (not just our awkward high school fling, but every relationship he's had since) and how he used to be insecure when his ex girlfriends did anything that made him jealous. Over the years I've become really protective of him because he got hurt a lot.

Danny explained that Lucy has brought him out of his shell and he's much more outgoing now (the opposite of how our friend group has just kind of always been) but his social battery does die a lot quicker than hers which she is understanding of.

I haven't seen much of Danny since he and Lucy began dating in March last year, not because of Lucy but we've all been busy with college and jobs. We still text all the time and he's the same as always in that regard. So their party was my first look at the 'new' Danny and I think I obviously didn't cope well with the change since I hadn't been around to see it happen gradually so to me it seemed sudden.

I worried Danny was unhappy because not long ago he would have been miserable and jealous at a party like that and in that kind of relationship. I think throughout the night I convinced myself Lucy was hurting him and wound myself up in self righteousness so by the end of the night when Lucy made her comment I thought she was just trying to antagonize me and I wrongly snapped.

To cut a long story short. Me and Danny are fine. Danny and Lucy are fine. Me and Lucy are going to hang out to get to know each other better. She does seem really nice and I feel horrible for ending her party on such a bad note.

Here's what people had to say after the update:

Rudy_Nowhere writes:

You did well to meet with them. By your description of the conversation, you still came off as trying to rationalize your rudeness, but most of us do that, I suppose. You're young yet. And you're in love with Danny. Things will be strained until you can see that. Then they'll be painful.

Saff_T writes:

You’re still the **shole 🤣

Optimal_Fish_7029 writes:

TBF to OP they did exactly what they were told to do in their last post, gave an update and has been dragged across the coals by commenters out for blood. I think what they did originally was sh**ty but come on, they apologised and have made the effort to make amends, what more do people want

sunbunmc writes:

your apology more seems like “hey i had a reason to do that” when …. no girl. you did not. you stepped over a line when you didn’t even know her which i feel makes the situation 1000% worse. get your reality checked. i don’t know if you have other friends that are girls but this is straight up sh**ty behavior

OP's response:

I know a lot of you came up with your own narrative that I'm secretly in love with Danny, but I'm really not, I've never been in love with him. People can be protective of their friends and love someone platonically