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Woman doesn't tell late BFF's homophobic family about her death, they say 'how dare you.'

Woman doesn't tell late BFF's homophobic family about her death, they say 'how dare you.'


Estrangement is a bizarre state, because it doesn't legally erase the status of 'family,' but emotionally and psychologically it can. When a family member has been cut off for a certain amount of time, their status as 'blood' can fall to the side, as chosen family fills in the gaps.

However, in times of death or loss, the official labels can come back into full view.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not telling her best friend's parents about her passing. She wrote:

'AITA for not telling my friend's parents she died?'

I (22m) had a childhood best friend Luna (23f), we were very close and she lived across from me and we even went to the same school, I loved her so much and she was honestly there for me in times when no one was and she was the sister I never had.

Luna was raised in a strict Christian household and her parents are very religious, Luna came out to them as bisexual when she was 17 and they kicked her out and told her to never come back. Luna lived with my family and I for a year and when she became 18 she started working her @$$ off with various jobs. I was there for her and I know what she felt and how alone and betrayed she felt by her family.

I still get mad when I remember how exhausted she looked at that time, she used to live in a tiny studio apartment and did her best. She sadly couldn't afford college, so she had no other choice than working as a stripper and a McDonald's cashier. Two months ago I received the devastating news that Luna had died from reasons I am not comfortable sharing.

I was and still am very sad and I feel like a part of me is gone, her funeral was paid for by me and our friend group and it was a small funeral and small attendance (her friends and their parents plus mine), no one reached out to her parents, because they hadn't contacted her or asked about her since the day they kicked her out.

Last week her parents called me and asked me about Luna, I asked them why they were asking about her suddenly, they told me they had been thinking about her for the past three months and missed their daughter dearly. They told me they learned a lot about the lgbtq community and were hoping to apologize and reconcile with her but couldn't find her number, that's when I told them she had died.

They didn't believe me at first and then that turned into anger, they yelled at me and told me how selfish it was for no one to tell them their own daughter had died and if i had bothered to tell them they would've been there at her funeral and helped with the preparations and maybe they even could've prevented her death.

I heard that her dad went into a depressive episode after that and her mom is on the verge of a mental breakdown, and I know that they kicked her out but a part of me still feels like it was wrong of me to not tell them about her passing. She was still their daughter and maybe I owed them that. Idk, I want unbiased pov, AITA for not telling them? Or was that the consequences of their actions?

Edit: Those who are asking if her parents were not informed of her death as of her next of kin, her parents disowned her so her next of kin was her aunt (mother's sis) and she is the one who gave me the news, the aunt isn't close with the family either and had her issues with them so she didn't tell them.

People had a lot of comments and questions.

HeirOfRavenclaw wrote:


Not your place to be in contact with them. They had years to reach out and by the time they did it was too late. Sorry for your loss, but this is not on you.

mathwhilehigh1 wrote:

NTA. Seems like they found out about consequences.

LuigiFux wrote:

NTA - not even a little bit. They called after she died and then said had you contacted them sooner they might have prevented her death? These people are absolute AHs and deserve ever bit of guilt and grief they feel.

Captain_Blackbird wrote:

NTA. I cannot imagine being a parent, and disowning my daughter because of her sexuality. They were never good people to begin with, and are only attacking you because you are the only target they can 'justify', because otherwise, they would have to reflect on their thoughts and actions - and no one likes looking in a mirror, when they are ugly.

I have an eight-year-old girl. I would willingly sacrifice this entire planet, if it meant to keep her safe. Those 'people' f#$king disgust me.

CaliforniaJade wrote:

I imagine the shock of finding out their daughter had died triggered a 'shoot the messenger' reaction. They couldn't possibly take responsibility themselves. (/s).

I'm sorry you lost your childhood friend. Sure, you might have told them, but are you TA because you didn't? I don't think so. It's one of those situations where they made their wishes known, kicked their own child out into the world due to their own bigoted opinions. Let her suffer for what, 5 years before they reached out? This is sadly something they are going to have to learn to live with. NTA.

OP is most certainly NTA, if anything, she was a better family member to Luna than her own family.

Sources: Reddit
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