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Woman snaps at mom's BFF's 'freeloader' daughter; ruins mom's friendship. AITA?

Woman snaps at mom's BFF's 'freeloader' daughter; ruins mom's friendship. AITA?


Guests, like fish, begin to smell after a few days. And guests you didn't even want to invite, but are hosting as a favor? They smell from the start, especially if they're arriving with a giant air of entitlement.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for ruining her mom's longstanding friendship after snapping on her 'freeloading' daughter. She wrote:

'AITA for ruining my mom's 40+ year friendship over friend's freeloading daughter?'

Mom's friend's daughter was moving to my city, and her new job was starting three weeks before her lease. She desperately texted asking to stay in my tiny 1 bedroom apartment for 3 weeks. For context, I haven't talked to this girl for 15+ years, but our moms are besties of 40+ years.

Our moms were bridesmaids, helped each other through family death, etc. Because of this, I felt a lot of pressure to say yes to letting her stay. The daughter, as I learned, is a bratty spoiled 23-year-old who expects people to do everything for her for free while she spends her parents' money on $900 shoes and $1000+ designer homeware.

Red flag #1: After I agreed to let her stay, I proceeded to ask her the details of her arrival, assuming she would be considerate enough to give advanced notice. Turns out, she only gave me literally TWO DAYS of notice of her 3-week stay.

Red flag #2-6: She then proceeded to freeload off of me for almost an entire month, living entirely for free in my apartment. She did not offer to cover any apartment costs. She threw away my food from the counter. Broke items including my travel memorabilia. Left moldy food on my dining table.

- She lost my spare house key within 5 hours of her arrival, then asked to take MY PERSONAL key to get in/out of the apartment. I had to spend an evening running around Home Depot and locksmiths.

Red flag #7: The falling out. The falling out came with a weekend getaway to Maine I planned for my own vacation. When she asked my weekend plans, I mentioned the trip. She then invited herself to 'tag along' (which for her I guess means free).- I paid for the rental car, the hotel, the gas money, the national park entry fees, and drove the entire trip (~12 hours of driving in total).

When it came time to pay for gas or any shared trip costs, she turned the other way. But then I watched her buy a $40 dollar disposable camera, $8 lattes, and other exorbitant things for herself. After the trip ended, I split the trip cost in half ($200 each) and told her she can pay me back when able. She got mad and gaslit me.

Saying she didn't think she would have to split costs, that she is 'not in a position' to split, and that she contributed 'in small ways' (ie paying a 4 dollar parking pass and 1 coffee). I let out all my frustrations and ended by calling her a freeloader. She left the apartment angry and got her parents to book her a hotel room. Moms are super mad and their friendship is now quite tense.

From my end, maybe I should have communicated problems from red flag #1, said no more, or been explicit about trip costs? I was trying to avoid conflict and never thought someone would be bratty enough to freeload my vacation. Am I the AH?

The internet was very opinionated about this.

Exotic-Mango-2768 wrote:

NTA. You rightly called them out and have absolutely NOTHING to apologize for. And if the moms’ friendship is ruined over this, then it was superficial anyways.

Snackinpenguin wrote:

NTA. But this daughter is being enabled by her mom, and it sounds like they were looking to you to help with that. My guess is that she thought that because you were paying the roadtrip costs anyway, you shouldn’t have asked her for her share. The roadtrip might be the breaking point, but you were in the right to evict her because she’s a rude houseguest that’s not respectful of your space.

karivara wrote:

ESH. She does suck, but in any situation where you expect to be paid you should communicate those expectations upfront.

If you had communicated your issues to her earlier, perhaps she would have moved into a hotel sooner.

hierofantissa wrote:

ESH you have a mouth, use it. Why did you let her crash your vacay? Shared costs have to be discussed prior to the event. The only reason I can see you let her come with is she would have trashed your house if you left her there alone.

SolidAshford wrote:

NTA. You shouldn't have let her tag along on the trip. Yet I wonder what godawful mess you'd have come back home to Maybe it would do well to show her this post and see why yall fell out. If Mom doesn't get it after this, something's wrong.

The ruling seems to be hovering between ESH and NTA, either way, it's clear OP and her mom's friend's daughter aren't compatible even as part-time roommates.

Sources: Reddit
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