Woman snaps at BFF who wants second child and asks for money, 'you can't even afford one.' UPDATED.

Watching a friend make their already stressful life even harder can be incredibly painful, particularly when you know you'll be there to pick up the pieces.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her best friend she already can't care for her child, and shouldn't have another. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my best friend that she can’t care for her child?"

I (31F) have been friends with my best friend Jill (26F) for a number of years now. She and I have been through a lot of ups and downs together, but have been solid in our friendship the entire time. Jill and her husband had a child 3 years ago and I love them to death. I would do anything possible for them. Jill has been very vocal in her desire for another baby, and is trying to conceive again.

Jill and her husband struggle financially. In a very big way. Every month, they are asking people for money to cover rent or their other bills, but then constantly order out or indulge in their habits when they have “spare money.” I have helped them several times as well, as I don’t want to see them be evicted.

About 6 months ago, I came into an inheritance when my great-aunt passed away. It wasn’t much, but enough for me to have a nice starter retirement fund and some money for an upcoming vacation for my husband and I.

Jill asked me if I could help her, and I ended up giving her a somewhat large amount of money (more than just a couple hundred dollars, but nothing crazy) so she could keep caught up on bills for a couple months. However, she ended up spending it all and saving none of it.

Yesterday she called and asked if I could help her, as she needed groceries. I said I had already helped her immensely and declined to give her more money, but offered to buy her some groceries. Jill complained, saying that I should help her family because I was not struggling like she and her child are.

I became angry and said “and you want another one when you can’t even care for the one you have now without handouts from everyone?” J ill became upset, called me an AH and hung up. She is now not speaking to me. My husband is on my side, but I feel bad for blowing up at her. AITA?

The internet did not hold back.

Equivalent_Juice2395 wrote:

NTA. However you are doing your friend a disservice. You think you’re helping her but at this point you are enabling her. Stop all financial help. Tell her your inheritance has been spent or is non accessible due to it being in a retirement fund or whatever you need to say. If she asks for money tell her you can’t afford it. If she says she has no food then look up local food banks or suggest food stamps.

If everyone bails her out then nothing will ever change.This is similar to a friend of my mothers. She always was short on bills and would ask for money each month to make her mortgage or car payment. Want to know what she always had money for? Eating out at very expensive restaurants, going to concerts, buying expensive name brand clothes and the newest iPhone every year.

Her dad felt bad and didn’t want his grandchildren to suffer so he always bailed her out. He spent almost his whole retirement on bailing her out and ended up having to work until he died in his 80’s. She’s a 50 year old woman still asking for handouts and hasn’t learned a thing. Her children are now adults and out of the house so she has less bills and still no money because of her spending habits.

HistoricalHat3054 wrote:

NTA. She said she needed groceries and you offered to buy them for her. That should have been a good thing, but what she wanted was the cash. It becomes difficult when family or close friends don't want to help themselves and I fear that is where your friend is.

If you want to keep the friendship you need to stop discussing anything financial. When Jill asks for money simply say you don't have any available cash right now.

Lifeiswhatum8it wrote:·

NTA you spoke the truth. She took advantage of your kindness and didn’t save then had the gall to come and ask you for more money. When you declined additional funds, she initially gave you a hard time about it.

Mapilean wrote:

NTA or, to put it better, YTA to yourself. Jill is clearly an entitled person: saying that "you should help her family because you are not struggling like she and her child are" is a very stupid thing to say. She is no helpless child, but an adult who can't manage her finances and only relies on other people's help.

Those who help her are really only enabling her, and it was about time someone put a stop to it. You might end up losing that "friendship", but is this entitled, whining person who is using you and others as an ATM worth being friends with? Friendship requires a kind of reciprocation: what does she do for you?

Is she supportive of you or is she only ready to pounce on you once she knows you have come by some extra money? You blew up at her out of a reasonable exasperation. You said out loud what everybody has been thinking privately. Don't feel bad; if anything, she is the one who should feel bad for her disastrous choices and her unwillingness to mature and be able to manage her own life.

Salty-Watermelon789 wrote:

NTA. You know how to tell the difference between a moocher and someone genuinely needing help? The one in genuine need happily accepts whatever you are able/willing to give. I was homeless for a while. The only time I complained about food served at soup kitchens was when the chicken was pink AF all the way through.

After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with a major update.

Edit for clarity: There have been a few questions in the comments about finances and stuff so I figured I would clear them up. 1: my husband and I do share finances from our jobs, but the inheritance is mine only. 2: I have offered to assist with her budgeting multiple times but she always tells me she doesn’t need my help. I asked if she wanted the number to my financial advisor and that almost started a fight.

3: My husband is definitely exhausted with her asking for money, which is why I haven’t given her any in 6 months (since I gave her the larger sum). She has asked, I have said no, so this was not something I just said after one conversation. I blew up out of frustration, unfortunately.

OP is definitely NTA here, Jill needs a serious wake-up call.