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Woman tells friend she'll never babysit; says, 'it's not going to be my kid.'

Woman tells friend she'll never babysit; says, 'it's not going to be my kid.'


Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to babies, some childfree people love kids and feel natural around them, while others would sooner neutralize an explosive than attempt to hold a newborn. It all comes down to individual personality and experience level.

While that fact might seem obvious enough, some people refuse to accept the limits and differences of others. In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for bluntly telling her friend that she won't be babysitting. She wrote:

'AITA for refusing to babysit for my best friend?'

I (28F) and Mia (34F) have been best friends for 11 years. I love her like a sister and until now we've never fallen out. Neither of us have family close by or a wide circle of friends, so I really want to try and resolve this issue as best I can. About 5 years ago, Mia told me that if she hadn't met a man by the time she turned 35 then she would go the sperm donor route and become a single mother.

That time has now arrived so she's planning on starting the IVF process and getting pregnant next year. I fully support her decision and think she'll make an incredible parent, with or without a partner. The problem started a couple of months ago when she casually mentioned over dinner that her future baby will love spending time with their Aunty OP.

I laughed and reminded her I've never had any maternal instincts, so the three of us will need to hang out as a trio because I'll be new to being an Aunty. She asked what I meant, so I clarified I wouldn't be babysitting as I'm not comfortable being responsible for small children on my own, but I would happily spend time with both of them together.

Mia went quiet and then moved the conversation along so I didn't think much else of it. Fast forward to yesterday when we were in her car and Mia unexpectedly launches in a story about her friend in Spain who also used a sperm donor to become a single mother and her friendship circle have been helping look after the baby so she can continue building her career.

Mia then said 'having a strong female support network is so important when raising children, I love that we would do anything for each other.'

I noticed she was putting a big emphasis on childcare so again, I reminded her I wouldn't be able to babysit, but was quick to let her know I would support in any other way I could. I told her I could cook, clean, keep her company, be at the hospital, buy her child whatever they need. Anything outside of babysitting solo.

She laughed and said 'it's so funny you have no idea how much you're going to love this baby, you'll enjoy taking care of your godchild more than you realize!'

Alarm bells were going off so I admittedly took a blunt tone and told her it's not going to be my kid, it's hers and I'm not comfortable with the responsibility of looking after a baby on my own (I have sensory issues and anxiety, screaming kids make me panic in a big way). I'm not doing it and I'm not changing my mind. She looked genuinely hurt.

She said most people would do anything to help out a single mum and she couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to do this for her. She also said it's 'worrying and abnormal' for me to be so nervous about looking after a baby, and mentioned she doesn't have anyone else to help so this has come as a horrible surprise. She dropped me home and we haven't spoken since. I feel awful about all of it - AITA?

People jumped on the thread with their thoughts and impressions.

TemptingPenguin369 wrote:

NTA. She says 'most people would do anything to help out a single mum.' But first, she's choosing to be a single mum, which is different from a woman who gets divorced or whose partner abandons her and may need temporary help while she regains her footing. She's planning a life where you are the de facto babysitter, which isn't the same as lending a hand from time to time.

And second, she talks about 'a strong female support network,' but she seems to And third, did she ask you if you were willing to be the godparent? This sounds like she's trying the rare stunt of baby-trapping a friend. Don't let her do this to you.

Atarlie wrote:

NTA. That's a cute anecdote of how it's going for her friend in Spain, but I'm what world would 'most people do anything to help out a single mum.' All you have to do is talk to more than one single mother to know how little help and support they often receive. Your friend has created a fantasy world in her head and now expects you to live in it.

Unable-Ad148 wrote:

NTA. Single people can often have high expectations of other people caring for their kid. And if she doesn't have anyone else to help then she is setting herself up for major failure as you've been clear with your boundaries. I don't doubt she will keep pushing them, too, so hold your ground.

You aren't a bad friend for not wanting to, and she is a bad friend if she's going to try to coerce you. I think she's realizing her dream is a rough reality and may be freaking out as she realizes how few options she actually has by going this route.

Mufuqas wrote:

NTA. Run fam. Not only she is delusional, but she's also having a mid-live crisis for not finding a man and has now chosen to become a single-mother. And now she is trying to coerce you in to providing free childcare? Red flags everywhere, run far away.

OP is most definitely NTA, the only issue at hand is how she can most effectively shut down this whole line of entitlement from her friend.

Sources: Reddit
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