'AITA for not making child-inclusive plans and excluding someone in my friend group?' UPDATED
"AITA for not making child-inclusive plans and excluding someone in my friend group?"
Howdy guys, recently my friend group has been divided on an issue. I have a group of six friends and their significant others from high school. All of us are in our mid 20s. The only person in our friend group is Jessica, who has two young children and is a single mom.
I’m the only person in my friend group that can host, as my husband and I own a decent sized house and don’t have anything stopping us from hosting I guess. One doesn’t want to host, two live with their parents and can’t, another has roommates that won’t let them, etc.
We all live in a rural area so there isn’t really anywhere to go for more than a quick dinner, so someone hosting is the only way we can all hang out really. When I host it’s always later in the day; around 7 pm ish. That’s when most of us are off work.
I also have a no children rule for my house, since my dog is afraid of children and I honestly don’t like kids anyways. (My nephew yanked my dogs tail several times so now my dog growls at kids).
I had a gathering last weekend, a dinner time bbq. Everyone was invited; same rules as norm. Jessica asked if she could bring her kids, because she can’t afford a babysitter and since both of their dads aren’t involved at all. I said no, because of my dogs and also because I don’t want her baby and toddler at my house.
The last time she brought them she kept trying to push them off on other people who didn’t want to hold them so she could relax. Also her toddler puked on my 5k white couch, which I had to replace. No she didn’t pay for it.
Jessica blew up on me in the group chat, and said that I always exclude her. I told her I’m not excluding her, I’m excluding kids. All kids. She’s welcome to come if she finds someone to watch her kids. I also told her she’s welcome to host. She kind of went on about how none of that is possible and now she isn’t talking to anyone.
Our group is split, half think it’s my house my rules. One said maybe if she sc***ed better guys she’d be able to have a babysitter. And two think that I should just let her kids come. To be honest, if it was someone else I would maybe cave. But I don’t like Jessica that much, especially since she didn’t pay for my replacement couch.
AITA for making child not friendly plans that someone in my friend group can’t make it to?
Response from OP to now deleted comment:
It’s a lot easier to just not have kids at my house. I don’t like kids anyways. Why go above and beyond to fix my dogs issues with kids when I don’t want them at my house anyways?
Conversation OP:
emz272 writes:
You do not need to replace a couch because a toddler threw up on it.
Beginning_Juice_1556 OP responded:
It was a stark white couch with a giant yellow stain in the middle. It looked disgusting, and we got it professionally cleaned and they couldn’t get it out.
Old-Opportunity-5751 says:
Could have looked into just replacing the cushion. Upholstery can be expensive but is probably cheaper than a new couch.
Beginning_Juice_1556 OP responded:
So it wasn’t a couch with a bunch of cushions on it. The couch was one whole piece and it was designer and a bit hard to have repaired. I’m usually not the type to go designer, it was the only piece of expensive furniture I ever bought but I really loved that couch. It was artistically designed and I like art.
wtfaidhfr writes:
'To be honest, if it was someone else I would maybe cave. But I don’t like Jessica that much.' Just stop lying to yourself and admit it's just because you want ot exclude her.
Beginning_Juice_1556 OP responded:
She is very much welcome to come without her kids. And if anyone else in our group has kids they won’t be welcome. Neither my husbands nieces and nephews or my own are welcome anymore after the tail pulling incident.
Free_Ad_7708 writes:
You don't want kids in your house and you are free to make the rules. That you weren't compensated when damage was caused by her kids affirms your choice. Also, the friends who said she should sc***ed better guys are aholes.
Beginning_Juice_1556 OP responded:
It was definitely an unkind comment, but not really wrong. Her kids two fathers are both addicts.
Here's how people judged OP:
alleymind writes:
Um if Jessica is pawning her kids off on other people and not offering to pay (send some money for cleaning) after her toddler destroyed a couch, I don’t want Jessica as a friend.
CrystalQueer96 writes:
Yeah like if I go to a BBQ party I’m probably there to relax with friends, have a drink, enjoy some food by a fire pit maybe. Not get barfed on by little kids because the mom thinks group gatherings = free babysitters.
fakingandnotmakingit writes:
Eh if someone didn't even offer to help pay for kids damages Id be annoyed with them too And I actually like kids!
Nearly_Pointless writes:
Is it wrong that I dont care for any of these people?
_littlefiend_ writes:
as someone from a small rural town in alabama, I can’t fathom having like 7 friends from high school that I still hang out with regularly. this feels like high school drama.
OP came back with these edits and an update:
Edit: I got the couch professionally cleaned and they couldn’t get the very large stain out.
After reading all of your comments I’ve realized I’m tired of dealing with Jessica. I’m going to tell her she’s no longer welcome at my home and ask her to pay for my couch. If she doesn’t then we can go to court about it.
Another edit: you guys are really mad I like nice white couches. But I’ll give further info.
1. I considered having the couch reupholstered but the cost to have it shipped out, fixed, and shipped back cost over 5k so it was cheaper and easier to buy a new one.
2. Yes I have a white couch and a dog. My dog knows not to go near the couch. I’ve had the couch for two years without incident, it was fine till jessicas kids showed up.
3. I didn’t invite Jessica and her kids. I said no kids are allowed, and she showed up with her kids while I was in the bathroom and set her kids down on the couch. Her kid then puked all over it.
4. If I win and she can’t pay I’ll sell the debt to a debt collector to recoup what I can
5. I’m confident that I will win. I personally know every judge in this town
6. I don’t want to repair things with Jessica. I just want to have relaxed gathering with my friends. All she ever does is complain about how hard her life is and demand people help her, etc. no one likes a Debbie downer