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Woman doesn't tell mother-in-law about husband's funeral, gets blasted on Facebook.

Woman doesn't tell mother-in-law about husband's funeral, gets blasted on Facebook.


Grief is a heavy thing to bear.

An onslaught of massive grief can crowd your ability to make normal daily decisions, let alone the intense decisions that come along with losing a loved one.

Arranging burial and funeral is a deeply draining process, and even more so if the family of your loved one didn't have a loving history.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not telling her mother-in-law about her husband's passing.

She wrote:

AITA for not telling my mother-in-law her son had passed?

I sound awful here, and I think I might be. Now that pretty much everyone in my family thinks I'm horrendous, I wanted an outside opinion. My husband passed away recently after a very sudden and difficult struggle with cirrhosis.

It was easily the worst thing to happen in my life. The damage was invisible for years, we never saw it coming. He got so sick, so fast. After they diagnosed him, he lived a little over a year.

We called all our family, including his mother, who otherwise we don't have much contact with. I've always hated that woman. She has always been cruel to him, put him down every chance she could.

When we called saying her son was terminally ill, she first denied it, insisted we were lying. Then she went on about how we should've seen this coming, that this is just what happens when you're a drunk.

Of course, this shut down the call pretty fast. She only called once after that, and we didn't pick up. A little over a year later, I had to bring him to the hospital and in two days, he was gone.

At that point, he was already just so confused and hardly conscious. I told my parents and his brothers, and we were the last people to see him. I wasn't doing very well at the time either, everything just happened so fast.

I wasn't ready to make any of those decisions, and between the doctors and the bills and just seeing him so sick, I didn't even think about his mother. In the days after, I just didn't want to deal with her. I know that's horrible, but I was just so tired.

She called me a few weeks later, I'm not sure how she heard. She was hysterical, which I know is understandable. She said I robbed her of saying goodbye to her son, and robbed him of a proper service.

I should have just hung up, but I was so hurt and so angry. I informed her a very nice service was held, which every important person in his life was there. I said she must be mistaken and blocked her number. She's gone ballistic.

Called my brother in laws in tears about how I've ruined her life, gone on Facebook about how devastated she is and publicly begging me to talk to her, how she just wants his things and to know what happened.

Even my parents said it wasn't my place to make that choice for my husband, and I should try to talk with her. I know I probably should. I know he was hers before he was mine.

But she made him miserable, and if he had been able to choose, I know he wouldn't have wanted her there. I don't think she deserved to see him, and I don't think she deserves to have any of the things that were his.

But now that I write it all out, it really sounds horrible. Maybe I'm out of line to make that call. The only people who haven't said I was being cruel are my husband's two brothers, who know how she can be.

But other than them, she was the only family he had. Maybe it isn't my right to interfere with that. Maybe beyond a**hole. Am I an absolutely awful person?

The internet quickly weighed in.

whynot246810 wrote:

Why didn't his brothers tell their mom about the service?


EastPractice2616 wrote:

NTA. The fact that her other sons also didn't call her to have her involved goes to show you made the right choice.

SpookyTeaTime wrote:

NTA. Blood relationship does not entitle anyone to be in someone's life. She didn't earn a place in her son's life. That's on her. You and your husband gave her a chance to be there for him at the end, and she made her choice.

She sounds like a narcissist who is more concerned with garnering public sympathy and playing the victim than actually caring about her own son's passing. Continue to block her from everything, including your own thoughts. I am sorry for your loss.

Fun-Replacement1998 wrote:

NTA. She didn't care enough to fight to see him while he was dying. His brothers didn't bother to tell her when the end came. They didn't tell her about the service.

Don't discount the fact her other sons felt it was a good idea to leave her out of the loop. I'm sorry for your loss OP. IF you decide to reach out make it clear to her before the talk happens you will not tolerate her bulls&*t.

She starts yelling? the conversation ends immediately and you will block her again. If either of your BILs are willing to sit in on the talk even better. If she won't agree to behave, then back to no contact.

It's unanimously agreed: OP hasn't done anything wrong, and the silence from her late husband's brothers confirms it.

Sources: Reddit
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