I am a 38m. Daughter (Isa, fake name) is 17f. Stepdaughter (Ava, also fake name) is 9f. Isa's stepfather recently died. I felt terrible because I knew while they weren't super close, he'd been in her life since she was 5, so I knew it must've hit hard. My family was also invited to the funeral.
The issue is, however, is Ava has horrible social anxiety. She's homeschooled because of it and has difficulty going to social outings. She's in therapy and has an emotional support rabbit named Luna. Since this funeral would be pretty crowded, we decided to let Ava bring Luna to the funeral. Isa had a problem with that.
Isa told me she didn't think it was a good idea. Pets were not allowed at this particular cemetery. I told her this was a rabbit (what harm could it do?) and Ava had a medical reason for bringing her rabbit. She then looked it up on Google and showed me only service animals were allowed to come.
I told her I'd bring Luna, and if an issue arose, we'd leave. She begged me not to, saying her stepdad's death was already hard enough on her mom, and she didn't want any drama to make it worse. I told her I'd think about it and keep that in mind.
The thing is, Ava needs her emotional support pet. She wouldn't make it through the funeral if she didn't. She also really wanted Ava there, so what else could we do?
Isa drove to the funeral with her mom, while my family and I drove together. We brought Luna. Isa and her mom were waiting for us at the entrance when we got out. When Isa saw Luna, she freaked out and started yelling that she told me not to bring her.
I explained Ava's needs, and she then screamed that Ava should've just stayed home then and caused Ava to cry (I felt bad because I know she was already dreading the social interaction, so hearing her sister say that must've hurt her badly). My wife and Isa got into it after that. (not so kind words were spoken by either party)
Her mom took Isa's side and told us to leave. I agreed, and we went home. Isa has been giving me the cold shoulder, but I don't know how else I could've handled this differently. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
RiverSong_777 Asks:
INFO Is the stepdad who died Ava‘s dad or is Ava the stepdaughter on your side?
Apprehensive_Ear6657 OP responded:
The stepdad who died is not Ava's dad. He was just Isa's mom's husband
ChakraMama318 Asks:
Info: did Ava have a connection to the deceased?
Apprehensive_Ear6657 OP responded:
Yes, but not as close as Isa. Ava went on vacation a few times with him and Isa and Isa's mom before
Message_Bottle Ask:
INFO: Did you check with your ex first?
Apprehensive_Ear6657 OP responded:
Me and my ex don't really keep contact. I only let Isa know
Similar_Pineapple418 writes:
YTA. You claim the whole point of going to the funeral was to support Isa. She told you point blank that bringing that rabbit would only make it worse for her. You essentially told Isa that you dont care about her feelings.
Ava was not “prescribed” an emotional support animal. But if you feel that insistent that Ava not go anywhere without it, why didn’t you leave Ava home? Why did you choose A a over Isa?
Apprehensive_Ear6657 OP responded:
Ava wanted to support her sister. She needed her rabbit to do that.
kittensandchains writes:
YTA. Since when did this funeral become about you and a rabbit? You were told explicitly not to being animals but you went ahead and decided to disrespect a grieving family’s wishes on probably one of hardest days of their lives and did it anyway.
Jimberlykevin writes:
As a vet tech, that rabbit could literally freak out and DIE, their little hearts just explode if too stressed. That would be WONDERFUL for little Ava.
Nickidewbear writes:
If you do it have your pet registered as an ESA, you need a letter or some kind of other document from a medical professional, such as a psychiatrist. ESAs are not the same as service animals, however, and cannot go everywhere that service animals can go.