Woman snaps at cousin who gathered family to come out as gay, 'this could've been a Zoom.'

Timing is everything.

And bad timing can make the difference between a warm exchange with loved ones and utter emotional chaos.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for yelling at her cousin after he came out as gay.

She wrote:

AITA for yelling at my cousin after he came out as gay?

At the time of the story, I (19F) was busy with finishing my last semester at community college. I was extremely busy finishing multiple projects especially, my 3D modeling project. That's why when I first heard my cousin (22m) wanted to have a family reunion in the middle of May I didn't agree to go.

Mainly because we normally hold reunions on July 4 or in August and because he lives a five-hour train ride away and it takes me one hour to get to the train station so it's 12 hours I'll be spending on a train. However, he called me and begged that I come because he had a big announcement and he needed the family there.

I agreed thinking that he got cancer because we had recently lost our grandfather and another cousin to it just three years prior. So I agreed and a couple of days later me and my family with a few other cousins/ aunts/uncles got on the train and went to meet him. The reunion was nice I got to see my other cousins and aunts.

It was great being able to relax and be outside after being stuck in my room for hours but I knew I was gonna have to pay for it by not sleeping with a few sleepless nights. Then it was time for his announcement, he got up and stood in front of everyone and announced he was gay.

All he got was a few okays and congratulations from my older uncles and aunts but as a whole, my family didn't care. I was annoyed but waiting for him to call up one of his friends thinking that he was gonna show off his boyfriend or something. But no he just stood there I guess waiting for a bigger reaction from someone so I spoke up.

'So where's your boyfriend?'

'Oh I don't have one yet,' He said sitting down. This got me mad and a few other cousins as well. 'Why didn't you just tell us this over the phone or schedule a family Zoom?' I said angrily.

'I wanted it to be a big event,' He said.

My blood began to boil and I scream, 'GO TO HELL YOU A#$HOLE!' Me and him got into a screaming match that resulted in my family leaving a couple of hours early.

Now no one blames me and a lot more people are upset at him because they had to take days off school or work for this. But now he's refusing to come to the July 4 party my grandmother holds every month and it's breaking her heart.

And I wanna know if I should just apologize like yeah he could've and in my opinion should've waited until summer but it was still fun. So Reddit AITA?

Edit: I’m getting a lot of mixed signals here, but I’m gonna talk to my older cousins and see what they think. I’ll make a second post when/if I decide to apologize.

People jumped on the thread with all their pressing thoughts.

ConvivialKat wrote:

NTA. Demanding people travel 12 hours each way and disrupt their schedules, just to come out 'live in front of them' is kind of messed up. I mean, I get that it's a big deal for him, but he handled it very poorly.

He could just as easily have had a combined live and Zoom event. I mean, I don't really understand what he wanted from everyone. What were they supposed to say beyond 'okay'? I have many friends and family members who are LGBTQ and none of them have ever made this kind of big group 'announcement.'

Top-Bit85 wrote:

At least he didn't film it for Tiktok.

Scary-Alternative-11 wrote:

Admittedly, as a queer person myself, I came here ready to call you TAH. But honestly, that was kind of a s#$%y thing for him to do. I mean, YAY! Congrats on his coming out, but yea... he could have waited a few more weeks when y'all had plans to be together anyway.

So I'm going with NTA. You went way out of your way to be there for him when you were concerned for his health and well-being when, ultimately, it was something that could have waited.

deadendmoon82 wrote:

Queer here. NTA. I'd be pissed having my time wasted like that too.

USSChucklefucker wrote:

NTA. As a male who is going through his own exploratory stage, I have never once contemplated the idea of mysteriously demanding a family gathering shortly after a family death, just to come out as someone who is going through their exploratory phase.

I don't think yelling at him helped, but you are clearly dedicated to your schooling, and for him to treat your future, and everyone else's as a plaything, is wildly inappropriate and extremely hurtful to LGBT+ community members who actually have a difficult time coming out.

OP is NTA here, despite how the title of the post initially made her look.