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Man tells GF he has lifelong phobia of being driven by a woman, she says 'get over it.'

Man tells GF he has lifelong phobia of being driven by a woman, she says 'get over it.'


Chronic anxieties and phobias are often by their very nature irrational.

Whether it's simply brain chemistry or unresolved trauma, the day-to-day effects of working around a phobia can be deeply debilitating. And there's often a looming question of where the lines are between managing one, and pushing yourself through it as much as possible.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for rearranging his life around a gendered phobia.

He wrote:

AITA for not wanting to be driven around by women including my GF?

When I (27M) was a kid, I had a traumatic experience and was in an accident in the school bus which was being driven by a lady. Since then I have always had a phobia of being a passenger in a vehicle being driven by a woman. My mom did not drive and even when my older sister learned to drive, I refused to drive with her even though my other siblings did.

I have my license but not a car and when I take public transit, I also take the next bus if a woman is driving. This is a phobia and I do not think women should not drive or anything. Recently my gf and I moved in together and she has a car. She is really upset with me as, whenever we go out together I insist on driving her car.

She says it feels like I am misogynistic when it is just a phobia. I said I would be ok taking public transit and she can drive her car and we could travel separately but she thinks that is not a solution and that I should 'get over it.' AITA here?

It is not like I am telling her she cannot drive and I apply this rule to everyone even when it inconveniences me. I told her she was free to ask my family about my past.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

DoraTheUrbanExplorer wrote:

YTA for not getting therapy to address this issue. You're only hurting yourself by not addressing this. If you have a daughter will you refuse to teach her how to drive?

If you and your gf get married and you're ill or hurt she can't drive you? You're harming yourself, and you're also hurting the women around you. It's okay to have an irrational phobia- you can't help it. But you can get help.

OverRice2524 wrote:

I mean at this point yes YTA. You are now 27, are you going to never get in a car with a woman your whole life? That's not really realistic. You need therapy. Also, you'd better be paying your girlfriend the increase in her insurance and for gas if you are the only one driving her car.

Agile-Department-345 wrote:

Personally, I’m going with YTA. If you replaced “lady” with any race and said “I have a phobia and refuse to be driven by x race” everyone would jump on the YTA side. It’s definitely you’re job to sort that phobia out and I’ve personally been the girlfriend that essentially wasn’t allowed to drive her own car in a relationship. It’s demeaning.

Squirrel-mama wrote:

So you still get on a bus even though you were in a bus accident. You don't blame the bus even though without the bus there would have been no accident. You blame the woman which is very interesting. YTA Yes, you are most definitely misogynistic! How about if you have such a hang-up on her driving a car you not go in her car ever? You don't pay for it anyway!

birdingisfun wrote:

YTA for two reasons: 1. You did not explain this to your GF until she started to realize you wanted to be the driver all the time. She should have known this when you were getting serious, especially before moving in, and decided if it was a deal-breaker for her. 2. It is your responsibility to treat this phobia.

You can't reasonably expect to avoid women drivers forever. What if she has to take you to the hospital? What if the ambulance driver is female? What if your child has a female school bus driver? Your GF is right, you need to get over this ASAP. Get professional help.

Sources: Reddit
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