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Woman finds out mom has been stealing from grandma, tells family, they cut mom off.

Woman finds out mom has been stealing from grandma, tells family, they cut mom off.


The truth always finds a way, and when it does, it can cause some serious mayhem.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she weas wrong for spilling her mom's ugly secret to the family. She wrote:

"AITA? My mom’s parents and siblings cut her off because of a secret I revealed."

About a month ago I was on the phone with my grandmother. Mind you, she’s 80, so she’s getting pretty old and her memory is starting to deteriorate. Me and my grandmother are very close, she tells me everything going on in her life. Well one day she called me with some very upsetting news. My mom stole over 35k from her in fraudulent checks and her bank’s fraud department contacted her about it.

The money had been taken over time (about 10 months). My grandma called me and basically didn’t know what to do. She also revealed that stealing had happened another time before I was born. I was shocked and she mentioned calling my grandfather (they are divorced and have been for 30 years) and telling him. I myself did not know quite yet know what to do with the info so I sat with it for a few days…

Then I get a text from my mother...she basically accused me of elder abuse because she found out my grandmother 4 months prior sent me a check in the mail for 3k for my college graduation. Something in me snapped when I saw that text. I was furious.

Mind you, my mom had also taken 16k that was passed down to me from when my dad died the same year (2023) and had not paid me back as she promised she would. I basically called her out, and I told her my grandmother knew about the money she had stolen. Also for what she owed me from my father.

She claimed it was for plane tickets that she needed to be “reimbursed” for and that she needed my money to pay for lawyers and bills. My mom told me a while back she had a picture of my grandma's credit card to pay for plane tickets and I asked her about that and what tickets did she even neeed to be reimbursed for and in what world it would amount to 35k over a period of 10 months.

I told her I was fed up and would be contacting her dad. She lost it. I called my grandfather and explained everything. He was shocked and couldn’t believe she would do it again. Now my whole family including my grandma, grandpa, stepbrother, and both my uncles have stopped talking to her altogether. She texted me and told me all her relationships are destroyed because of me

Basically she told my grandmother she is never paying her back. My grandmother asked her to and even her bank is trying to pursue charges but my grandma told them not to. She eventually did pay me back- because of my grandfather.

Nobody speaks to her she is now totally isolated and I feel bad about it everyday. I feel really bad because at the end of the day she is my mom and I don’t know if what I did was right. AITA?

Redditors did not hold back one bit.

friendlily wrote:

NTA and you should block her. You're not just gossiping or spreading rumors or telling her secrets. She's stolen from her mother and child. She has absolutely no scruples or moral compass. Your grandma asked you for help, so you helped in the only way you knew how. But also contact Adult Protective Services or whatever the equivalent is where you are.

Your grandma can also file a police report and talk to her fraud department at her bank/credit union. And it goes without saying that, if you haven't already, you should lock down all money so she does not have access. If she ever knew your account numbers or is a joint, close all those accounts and open new ones preferably at a different credit union or bank.

Keep vigilant watch on your accounts so you can report fraud as soon as you see it (you typically can only report for 60 days so you have to stay on it). And put a freeze on your credit report at all 3 credit bureaus so she can't get loans in your name.

And OP responded:

I actually found this out the hard way. I am 23 so fairly young, and unfortunately I found out she took out multiple credit cards in my name when I turned 18 and was still in HS. I had to report it.

Lunar-Eclipse0204 wrote:

NTA. Your mother learned Karma comes back and bites hard. Honestly, she needs to have charges pressed, that's a felony amount.

Introspekt_Fun wrote:

NTA. She’s convinced herself it wasn’t a big deal, she wouldn’t get caught, etc. She can’t handle that she was wrong so she’s blaming you. Don’t fall for it. The only one to blame here is her. She made her bed and now she’s going to lie in it. That bed, technically, should be in a jail cell, so she should count herself lucky.

C_Alex_author wrote:

NTA. This has nothing to do with you talking to people, and EVERYTHING to do with her actions. The blame 100% lays squarely with her. She was hoping no one would ever know of allll the different thefts she pulled. The odds of that were next to nothing. Her actions got caught, people compared notes, and it all came back at her.

Actions have consequences and now no one wants anything to do with her because she steals from her own family, including her own child. Would YOU want to have anything to do with someone like that? Of course not!

Sweet_Cauliflower459 had some questions:

I'm a little confused here. Did your grandmother just find out that your Mom stole that money? Because I'm having a hard time believing that the bank only noticed like 18 years later. Or did your grandma know since before you were born and just decided to look the other way and make peace with things?

If it's the letter and your grandma already made peace with it then it was petty as hell for you to stir up a bunch of drama. Your grandparents are in their 80s and they don't need that in their life. That's you being petty and selfish.

And OP responded:

Are you dumb or are you dumb? My mom stole 35k from her over this last year and the bank just caught her a month ago. She also did it when I was born, which idk where you are getting 18 years from. No she has not made peace with it ;)

NoEstablishment6450 wrote:

NTA. Any chance your mom has addiction issues? Drugs? Alcohol? Gambling? It’s really odd behavior and to repeat it, wow. You have no ownership in how others feel about her, you didn’t commit theft, she did. She made her bed, let her lie in it.

And OP responded:

She has bipolar and has been diagnosed multiple times but rejects her diagnosis. She gets extremely manic and will spend her money on extravagant vacations, clothes, and crazy things like a 15k emsculpt machine she bought on a whim. She has some serious problems.

Bear_Aspirin_00 wrote:

I mean, NTA but:

"I feel really bad because at the end of the day she is my mom and I don’t know if what I did was right."

And OP responded:

Lmaooooo She took it from me it was never in my possession. My dad died and she handled his estate and was supposed to give me my inheritance but withheld it. I am/ was legally entitled to it.

Why? Why do you feel bad? Do you feel bad enough to fork over the $16K she took from you? I'd feel pity but I couldn't feel bad about this situation.

OP is clearly in no way TA here, it's important that the family knows the true nature of her mother.

Sources: Reddit
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