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Woman snaps, tells grieving husband to 'get under control' and stop binge eating.

Woman snaps, tells grieving husband to 'get under control' and stop binge eating.


Grief, in its fullness, can be all-encompassing. It can completely ruin your ability to function, sap you of your motivation, and make you question your life entirely.

Processing grief is neither simple nor linear, what works for one person isn't guaranteed to work for another person. This means, if you're close to someone grieving, there's really no advice you can give them - it's all about being there and having patience and grace. This is easier said than done.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for snapping at her husband and telling him to get himself 'under control' after the death of his mom.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my husband that he needs to get himself under control?

My husband's mom died 5-6 months ago. He was very close to her. Since then, he's started stress eating and has been depressed. He seems like he's been having an existential crisis since she died. His eating is very out of control. He looks like he's gained a lot of weight. I came home from work the other day and he was eating a large bag of taco bell food.

I finally told him that he needed to get a hold of himself and stop doing this s%^t. Then I asked him how long he planned to live like this. He just got upset and just told me to leave him alone. Then went to the guest room and didn't come out till the next day. We haven't really sat down and talked since then. AITA? I know I was harsh but I am legitimately worried about how he's been spiraling for 6 months.

People did not hold back on OP.

Outrageously_Penguin wrote:

YTA, what the hell?

'Honey, I’m really worried that you’re not coping well after your Mom’s death. I would love to help you find a grief counselor or support group to help you find healthier coping mechanisms and process your grief’: what a normal, loving spouse says.

'You need to get a hold of yourself and stop doing this s#$t': what someone who has no business being married says.

inFinEgan wrote:

YTA. You're legitimately worried about him, so you thought lashing out at him was the way to go? AH is actually too kind a word. If you care at all about him (which, honestly, it doesn't sound like you do), sit him down and explain that you are really worried about him.

Talk about getting him into some sort of therapy. Also, get some counseling for yourself on how to deal with someone grieving because you suck at it.

slightofhand1 wrote:


He was eating Taco Bell not sm0king cr@ck. His mom died five months ago, let him get fat for a minute. Do you realize how short five months is?

Old_Wishbone5287 wrote:

YTA. His mother died less than 6 months ago and instead of getting him help, you snapped at him? Grief is not a joke. You clearly have no idea how to deal with a person who’s grieving. Instead of berating him, you should’ve motivated him to get help.

'Then I asked him how long he planned to live like this.'

Wife of the year right there. You lack empathy.

Music19773 wrote:

YTA - My mother’s death was incredibly difficult for many reasons which were out of my control. Due to the stress, self-imposed guilt, and heartache I literally had a mental breakdown. I tried to keep it together for about 3 months while I silently spiraled and it wasn’t until I almost ended my life that I admitted to my loved ones how bad things were and got help.

I had to take a leave of absence from my job, counseling, and psychological therapy, etc. before I was finally able to heal enough to function in society again. The fact that your husband is still struggling means he needs help, not you judging him and telling him to get his stuff together.

His eating is a symptom, not a new hobby. His reaction, to pull farther away from you and become more isolated at your words, is worrisome. People deal with things differently and in different time frames.

OP is a giant insensitive AH, hopefully these responses help her wake up and do better.

Sources: Reddit
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