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Widower threatens to cut mom off after she tells granddaughter to ask for 'new mom.'

Widower threatens to cut mom off after she tells granddaughter to ask for 'new mom.'


There is no time limit on grief. It comes in waves, and there's no clear path to grappling with the pain of missing someone you loved. The best thing you can do is have grace for yourself, feel the feelings, and try to focus on the activities and people who bring you joy now.

For loved ones looking on, it can be hard to watch a family member or friend sink into the depths of grief. However, trying to force them out of it can majorly backfire.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his mom he'd move away and never speak to her again if she didn't stop trying to set him up.

He wrote:

AITA for telling my family I will move and they will never see me or my daughter again if they don't stop trying to set me up?

My wife passed away suddenly after giving birth to our daughter five years ago. My parents and sisters have spent the last four years telling me to move on. I cannot. You know how amputees get phantom pain in their missing limbs? It's like that. Except it's everything that's missing. I took my daughter to a street performers festival in my city and my heart ached because I went to buy some kettle corn.

I hate kettle corn. My wife loved it. I was buying something I hate for someone who isn't there. My mother did the cruelest thing I can imagine. She told my daughter that she should ask for a new mommy for her birthday. I wasn't polite in dealing with that. I told her that if her or my sisters ever tried to bring a woman into my life I would leave the city with my daughter and they would never see us again.

Now all three of my sisters and my father have called me to yell at me for threatening my mother and them. They say that they are only trying to help and that I'm an AH for not accepting the inevitable.

Redditors were quick to weigh in.

trappergraves wrote:

NTA. Excuse me, 'the inevitable?' So you're just supposed to 'get over it' and be fine? Grief doesn't work that way. My darling's been dead for 5 years and it's every bit as awful as it was. What your family is doing is simply awful. I had friends do that, and I blocked every single one. Your grief is your own, and there's no timetable. I'm so sorry you lost your love. Please take care.

DreamingofRlyeh wrote:


The fact that they tried to use your daughter to manipulate you is awful.

WikkidWitchly wrote:

NTA. 'It's not a threat. It's a promise. If you f@#k around with my family dynamic between me and my daughter, you'll find out just how serious I am. I am perfectly comfortable cutting off toxic relationships that hinder my mental health and might mess with my daughter's emotional state. Trust me on this. I am not ready to move on. I might never be.

And if you can't respect that, then I don't trust you to respect anything about MY family unit and maybe moving away would be best for us. Because frankly, I seem to be the only one actually considering our mental health and not just 'how it should be/how it should look'. If you cared a crap about me and my daughter, you'd listen to me. Not try to 'fix' something I don't want you to touch.'

featherzz20 wrote:

NTA your family is the AH here. They might think they're trying to do a good thing, but they're hurting both you and your daughter in the process. You need to try to sit down with them and calmly tell them that bringing up another woman or anything of that nature is crossing a very serious line. Be totally firm and express to them the pain they're constantly causing you.

Make it clear that if they do it again and in any way pressure your daughter to ask for something like a new mommy, then you will cut ties with them. It is non-negotiable. If you ever decide to give another woman a chance in your life, then it's going to be because YOU want to and not to please your family or anyone else for that matter.

Take all the time you need to not find a new wife, but to find your happiness and peace. I wish nothing, but the best for both you and your daughter.

useful-tutu wrote:

Oh HELL no. Ask for a new mommy for her birthday!? Nope.

I'm surprised you haven't already gone no contact after that comment. That's just horrid. NTA...and I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.

OP is definitely NTA here, it was crucial that he set a firm boundary for the sake of both himself and his daughter.

Sources: Reddit
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