Woman tells gym 'creep' to leave her alone; he says, 'I thought we were workout buddies.' AITA?
"AITA for telling a guy at the gym to leave me alone?"
CalciumRichh
At the beginning of this year I decided I wanted to commit to working out again. At first I started at home in my garage and more recently I decided to join an actual gym again. It’s only a 4 minute drive from my my and my husband's house so it’s perfect.
Here’s my problem though. 2 weeks ago while I was deadlifting a guy came up to me and interrupt my workout to tell me that I was rounding my back and I could get seriously injured that way.
I was kind of annoyed because I don’t like when people give me unsolicited advice and interrupt my workouts. On top of that, what he was saying just wasn’t true because I wasn’t rounding my back at all. As I used to compete in powerlifting for a few years before I took a 2 year break from the gym.
I know what proper form is and how to keep it. He seemed like a nice guy so I just told him thanks but I’ve got it. That was the end of that interaction. The next day as I was in the gym the same guy comes up to me and interrupts my workout again to ask me my name.
I tell him my name he tells me his and I put my headphones back on and continue my workout. I know I maybe came off as rude but like I said I don’t like being bothered in the gym.
Unless you’re asking me how many sets I have left so you can use the equipment next there’s nothing to talk to me about and I don’t want to engage in conversations. That’s just how I am. When I was about to leave he stops me again and hands me his phone to put my number into and tells me that we should train sometime.
I told him that if I was going to train with anyone it would be my husband and I declined his phone. I thought that might let him know I’m really not interested, but over the course of 2 weeks he’s been constantly trying to speak to me, interrupting me whenever he sees me.
Trying to get to know me on a personal level, he’s asked me out to smoothies after the gym multiple times, and he’s tried once more to get my number. I constantly remind him I’m happily married. I usually just fake smile/laugh and, respond very short and simple any time we speak.
Like I said, he seems like a nice guy but I’m not in the gym to make friends or cheat on my husband. I truly just want to workout and listen to my music but I’m constantly having to take my headphones off to give this man attention and now I’m spending more time in the gym because I have to catch up on what I’m really there to do and the talking is distracting it’s wasting a lot of time.
So yesterday while at the gym he comes up to me again while I’m in the middle of a set of goblet squats and he taps me on the shoulder to get my attention. He snuck up behind me and did it so it really startled me and I dropped the weight. I finally had enough and snapped.
I took my headphones off and told him to leave me the f*ck alone. He told me he was just trying to say hi and I guess he was embarrassed or something because he just walked out of the gym after that. I found that weird because didn’t you come to workout too?
It’s like he only came for me and when I told him to leave me alone he just left. I finished my workout and left. Now today I’m kind of worried about going to the gym because I know he’ll be there and I honestly don’t want to deal with this anymore. I simply want to workout. AITA here though? Should I apologize to him when I see him today?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
potenttechnicality
Absolutely don't apologize. This is one of those guys who won't take hints. If he apologizes, be gracious but firm "you snuck up behind me in the middle of a set. I REALLY don't like to be bothered during my workouts please respect that."
theonlyjediengineer
Agreed. But be careful and now be observant. If you leave the gym, make sure he's not following you. Change your routine gym time. He may be a stalker after this.
ExcitingTabletop
Report him to the staff. If he's harassing customers, they tend to handle it quick if the management is remotely competent. That's a good way to get bad reviews in a hurry.
Dude kept continuing because OP was being polite. He knew what he was doing. Most people don't want to say "Go away and don't talk to me again." So he hopes that continuing to harass someone will wear them down until they give in.
Firmly telling them off gives them a message to look elsewhere. I'd still recommend reporting, and leaving a review if the gym doesn't do anything.
anotherworthlessman
"Like i said he seems like a nice guy but I’m not in the gym to make friends or cheat on my husband."
This man is not a nice guy, he is not a good guy. A good guy would have backed off somewhere around the time you mentioned you had a husband.
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Please let the front desk of the gym know you've been harassed to the point of dropping weights. (That's unsafe)
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Have you told your husband about Douchey McGymface? If not, tell your husband. If possible have your husband accompany you at least one time. Have your husband spot you, and then have your husband say hello to him with direct eye contact. Sometimes men that don't listen to women will back off when another man shows up.
Sadly, if the front desk people don't do anything, and you can't get your husband involved.........you'll have to find another gym. It is with a sad heart and my sincere condolences that I apologize for members of my gender that act like this. But you are definitely NTA. You've been more than patient, kind and agreeable. That didn't work. Now its time to change tactics.
The OP responded here:
CalciumRichh
I’m going to take your advice. I’ll wait for my husband to get home from work and go with him in case the guy decides to show up I texted him already and he’s on board with it. I’m also going to speak with the front desk workers at my gym about him.
My husband though is a very confrontational person. He’s very angry about this. I don’t want him to fight the guy or anything. Just talk some sense into him and get him to leave me alone.
The next day, the OP returned with an update, proving that she had listened to the readers' advice.
"Update: He got kicked out I think."
CalciumRichh
I posted yesterday about this annoying man at my gym and I wanted to share the good news. So last night I waited for my husband to get home from work. He got home at 9, we ate dinner quickly and we got to the gym at around 9:45.
I usually go at 8 and he usually comes in around 8:30. So, if the guy went to the gym, I knew he’d either be gone already or on his way out. So, when we got to the gym I told my husband to just do his own thing and I’ll text him if I need him. He told me he’d be keep an eye out as well.
Things were going fine for about 10 minutes. Then I see him. He had his gym bag and looked like he was leaving but, then he saw me and started to approach me. I have no clue what his intentions were and I didn’t want to find out.
I immediately got up and started to walk towards the front desk and he stupidly followed me all the way there. It caught the attention of my husband who was across the room and he started to follow us both too.
When I got to the front desk, I didn’t wait. I just blurted out to the workers, “This man won’t stop harassing me!” What happened next really p*ssed me off because he tried to lie his way out and pretend he’d been helping me out. He tried saying that he thought we were just gym buddies and friends and that he was just going to come say hey and catch up.
My husband called bullsh*t and told him he knew everything and to stay the hell away from me. The guy tried to defend himself by saying that he only ever gave me advice on training and he doesn’t like false accusations.
At this point, because we were being so loud, the person who I assume is the gym manager heard us from his office, came out and, pulled him outside to talk. They stepped out to talk while my husband and I stayed at the front desk telling the other workers what’s been going on the past few weeks.
A few minutes later the manager comes back inside and tells us that we don’t have to worry about him anymore and that he’s taken care of it. I saw the guy walking to his car to leave. I felt dumb in that moment because I realized the solution to my problem was that simple. I never even needed my husband to come in the first place.
I'm not sure if he got banned or simply kicked out for that night. I guess when I go back tonight I’ll find out and I’ll have my husband accompany me again just in case. But the rest of our gym session was great. He never showed back up, thank god.
These past 2 weeks really made me want to stop going because I didn’t want to deal with him every time but I’m just really happy I can workout in peace again.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
mustang19671967
Husbands and boyfriend like to be in the know. It could have been worse and when he knows there are others there to step in just enforces his decision to leave quietly.
Awkward-Patience7860
... He approached her AGAIN after she yelled at him? Dude, TAKE. A. HINT.
Existing-Ad6711
I think you were taken more seriously by the manager because your husband was there. It was the right move. I always go with my wife to her doctor's appointments, because we noticed a few years back that her doctors would dismiss her when she goes alone, assuming she's exaggerating. Which later had serious consequences for her health.
Current-Read
This is why women only gyms are popular.
Choice_Evidence1983
I am glad OP took the steps to deal with this guy. No is a complete sentence and people need to accept that as an answer. A gym membership isn't a place for dating.