I'm 37M and my wife is 35F. We were invited to a Halloween event/bar crawl in two weeks at the local town center. My parents said they can take our daughter 2F overnight, so we're all set! This is the first time we got to do anything Halloween since 2019 (pandemic, then baby), so we're pretty pumped!
My original costume idea was to be an New World Order member from World Championship Wrestling (if you all remember that!) I actually have the legit nWo retro T shirt because my parents saved all of my stuff from high school! Too sweet. For the unfamiliar: Track pants, black graphic T shirt, bandana.
I went to one of those Halloween pop up stores just for fun, and I found a costume that totally sang to me: it's like this sexyflexy Pharaoh costume with no sleeves! Shows some leg too.
The black and gold compliment my skin tone really well, and I think I'd look dope with the eyeliner and the crisp short beard while I still only have a couple greys! I changed my mind about the nWo costume and bought the Pharaoh.
Important background info: I've been on a diet since last summer and lost 45 pounds since then. Our daughter loves to be carried, and picking her up all the time has made my arms pretty huge too.
I also have some pretty good leg muscles, probably from being overweight for many years. I also started a stricter two week diet to try to knock off another 3-4 pounds and a Creatine load to add a little extra arm size too! I'm planning on looking as good as possible in this costume.
My wife was always supportive of my weight loss, so that's why I was surprised when she told me she didn't like the costume. She said I was trying to act like a d0uch3bag frat boy and that the costume looks stupid because I'm trying too hard to show off. I said yes, I am indeed trying to show off! I think I've earned the right to put the gains on display for one night after being hungry for a year.
We argued for a while about how she doesn't want me to wear the pharaoh costume, and eventually I told her that I'm wearing it no matter what, and I'm going to the Halloween party with or without her.
That was last night. I've since cooled off but she hasn't. My bravado has gone down since then and now I'm getting cold feet about my ultimatum. What should I do? Am I actually being an a$$h0le for wanting to wear the Pharaoh costume?
I think you need a new costume. The roughest raggedy clothes you can find from good will. An old wallet that is totally empty. Roll up in a 1985 Ford Escort. Bonus points for see-through rust spots. When people ask what you are, say "Divorced Man."
NTA. Get a bin bag and cut holes in it. I will say btw if you think you are in good shape from lifting you daughter and taking creatine you will see even better results when you start lifting weights.
NTA. It’s one night, she just sounds kinda controlling.
NTA. Show of those legsssss! You should definitely be proud. Perhaps wifey is a little jealous? Does she still have baby weight..etc?
NTA. Try to understand why your wife is uncomfortable with it more, but at the end of the day your spouse shouldn't tell you what you can/can't wear. Sounds like an opportunity for learning something new about eachother.
You need to discuss with your wife why it makes you feel good to show off, and why she can’t accept that.
ESH. I don’t believe your GF is right to try and dictate what you wear, but did she give you any reason WHY she is so against it? Is it less to do with clothes and more to do with either (a) a change in attitude that has gone along with this lifestyle change or (b) her own insecurities post baby?? Worth unpacking I think.
Secondly I think giving her an ultimatum like that probably is an asshole move. Why is wearing this so important that you would prioritise it over upsetting your wife and why wouldn’t you talk it through to understand where she’s coming from?
On a slightly separate note, I do lift weights, and all the creatine and loading phases etc are really unnecessary for most people. Unless you’re competing, a good balanced diet with quality protein and decent workout regimen is all that’s needed.
I’m actually not sure how, but my wife looks exactly the same after the baby. She’s never been overweight. So probably not that. I’ve never been one to wear a costume like this before, so maybe more in that direction. But yeah, I’m just doing all this for the one night. Basically “competing” strategies to maximize the pump.
In that case I’d focus on talking to your wife about this. Because if I were her I might be questioning why you are putting so much effort into this one particular night and why it’s so important to you. She might be finding that pretty suspect, and I say that because I don’t get it either.
Also, even though she doesn’t look any different to you, she may be feeling very different post baby. Doesn’t mean she’s not feeling insecure. My advice is just talk to her about it, and equally really think about whether this one night is worth all this.
NAH - You are free to wear whatever you like. Your spouse is free to not like it. If it was the other way around someone would be shouting you as "controller" and more. Go on and show those gains :)