'AITA for telling my GF that my best friend has more right to a Mother's Day gift than her?'
"AITA for telling my GF that my best friend has more right to a Mother's Day gift than her?"
I(40M) got my then girlfriend pregnant when I was 23. She didn't want a kid and ended up giving up all the parental rights up to me. It also ended with my parents cutting contact with me for a majority of my son Leo (17)'s life (we got back in contact when Leo was 12 but neither of us are that close to them). My best friend (and sister in everything but blood). May is Leo's godmother.
She is the main reason my son is still alive today and she helped even though at that time she was going through medical school. All my friends helped out once in a while, but May is the main one who was always there. May was like a mother figure to Leo, and every mother's day he would make her a gift of some sort. I met my now girlfriend Amy when Leo was 15.
Neither she or Leo have a close bond, they're friends with each other. Amy has not been a mother figure to Leo nor did I expect him to consider her as one. She has tried a lot but most of the attempts have ended in failure. She saw Leo making a Mother's Day gift for May and she thought it was for her.
And when Mother's Day came and she didn't get a gift she confronted Leo and asked him about the gift, and he told her that the gift was for May. She came to me and complained about how she deserved a gift and how unfair it is that someone not in a relationship with me gets a gift and how May was a b**#h for taking away her (Amy's) mother-son bond with Leo.
I told her that May deserves the gifts more than she does because May helped raise Leo for a majority of his life. She got mad at me told me I was being unfair to her. My parents and her parents think I'm being unfair to her and should stop letting May be a part of my son's life. I don't think I did anything wrong here and I feel like this is a red flag on me and Amy's relationship but I could be wrong here and be the AH.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
amp_ro wrote:
NTA - I'd honestly consider how serious the relationship is and consider that a big red flag.
Helen-Baq wrote:
NTA - in no way should you stop letting May be part of your son's life. She sounds wonderful and you are so lucky to have such a good friend/sister. Your girlfriend, however...yeah, that's a huge red flag. I'm not sure why she would expect a Mother's Day present from your son and the way she behaved when she found out it wasn't for her is reprehensible.
I also would take anything your parents say with a grain of salt, considering it sounds like they ditched you because you wanted to keep and take care of your son. It doesn't sound like they're a good source of advice or support. And her parents are just that - her parents. She sounds bad enough without her personal chorus backing her up.
Timely_Egg_6827 wrote:
NTA. May has been in your son's life 15 years and forgetting the bond you have as friends, she is the one who has acted the closest role to mother for him. Your GF is delusional if she thinks two years of interaction with a teen who was 15 when they met entitles her to the mother's card. She is your GF and that doesn't make her your son's mother figure de facto.
Please don't cut the other constant positive figure out of his life - he is old enough anyway to have his own relationships with loved ones independent of your wishes. And you managed to go 17 years of friendship with May without it becoming more so your GF is being unnecessarily jealous.
Edit: Were your and GF's parents there when you were struggling with a baby, toddler, and child? If not, tell them to pound rocks.
JupiterSWarrior wrote:
NTA. May is Leo's godmother. She acted more of a mother figure than his actual mother. As far as I'm concerned, May is Leo's mother from what you told us, considering that May has been in Leo's life for just about his entire life. Of course Leo is going to treat May as his mother!
Amy, on the other hand, has only been with you for two years. Leo may like Amy, but Amy is not a mother figure to Leo. He's likely not going to treat Amy as such. Amy really doesn't 'deserve' a Mother's Day present (can't think of a better word than 'deserve'). Is it unfair to say that to Amy? No, because it is true. Hence NTA.
NTA. This is the biggest reddest flag I have seen today.
1. She is trying to force a mother-son relationship with a 17 year old.
2. She has no regard for the woman that has been a mother figure for him his entire life.
3. Your parents have an opinion about who is in your life after they went no contact for 12 years.
4. She has expectations that your son disregard such a strong connection with May for no reason other than she is your girlfriend
5. She confronted your son with her insecurities
In my opinion, you should be with May if she is available. Otherwise, find someone that is not in competition for your son's affections and interests