Woman ostracized from friend group for explaining why a bakery isn't gluten free.
"AITA For Asking Someone Why They Expected Gluten Free Options At A Bread Bakery?"
Forsaken_Fruit_9858
So I (23F) recently hung out with my boyfriend Jason (25M) and some of his friends from college: Hana (25F), Mike (25M), and Rickie (26M). For some additional context, Rickie and Hana began dating shortly after college, and Hana has Celiac Disease. Also, I recently moved in with Jason, resulting in me needing to find a new job.
While we were all hanging out, Jason's friends asked some questions to get to know me, and upon learning I had to move so far and that I needed to change jobs, they asked where I was applying. I mentioned a cafe/bakery that's gotten in touch with me so far and that I have an upcoming interview.
I said I really loved the atmosphere as a customer, and I want to work for someplace that is local rather than a chain and prioritizes quality, which this place definitely does. She scoffed and said it's a bad business and I should probably just forego the interview since it's not a company worth working for. Rickie agreed, calling it a sh*t place.
I asked what was wrong, fearing there were some serious problems I didn't know about, only for Hana to complain that there were no Gluten Free food options. This confused me, which I expressed, asking why she expected GF option at a bread bakery. She said "what, just because they sell bread they can't put in a little extra effort to cater to gluten intolerant customers?"
This might be where I f*cked up. I responded that, yes, that's the case. What I didn't say, but assumed went without saying, was that the majority of the facility is literally used to make various breads/rolls/etc and other flour-inclusive pastries, and the remainder of the facility is used to process, prepare, handle, or advertise the sale of these products.
Literally their whole thing is that they bake their own breads, have their own recipes, everything is from scratch and the wheat for the flour is provided by a family-owned wheat farm. Everything they sell is or involves their house-made bread products and other baked goods except for the coffee, tea, and maybe their soups?
But I also don't know if they use flour to thicken those, and even if they don't, by nature of the operations in the cafe/bakery, there's flour everywhere. It honestly felt like hearing someone with a peanut allergy complain about the offerings at a nut store or something. It made zero sense to me.
Apparently, the way I responded really offended Hana. She sputtered something about me being an a**hole who thinks people with dietary needs should just suck it up, get sick, or die, then grabbed Rickie's arm and pulled him out of the restaurant.
Things have been awkward to hostile since then; my boyfriend agrees with me, but says I could've handled it better or just shut my mouth entirely. Mike has been staying out of it. Rickie is p*ssed that I "insulted his girlfriend," and Hana has been finding me on social media and harassing me in comment sections and my DMs. Was I the a**hole here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
sady_eyed_lady
NTA, it’s a bakery, and as someone with coeliac, from what you described there’s absolutely no way it would be safe for me to eat anything there even if they made it with gluten free ingredients.
Them trying to sell anything gluten free would be a disaster for a coeliac unless they have a whole separate kitchen because that sounds like a cross contamination nightmare.
SDstartingOut
NTA. Not every place is going to be to cater to every situation. Unless they advertised having gluten free options - and then did not - I do not at all see a problem here.
BigBigBigTree
They couldn't even truthfully call anything gluten-free. "Made without gluten" is a label I've started seeing more recently, because a lot of places aren't willing to claim that their products truly contain no gluten, and will only vouch for the fact that they don't intentionally include gluten-containing ingredients instead.
Flowersons
NTA Expecting gluten-free options there is like expecting unicorns in your backyard. Hana's entitled attitude is beyond ridiculous, and her harassment is uncalled for. You were just stating the obvious.
youdontneedakno1
NTA. This girl sounds like a nightmare - "She scoffed and said it's a bad business and I should probably just forego the interview since it's not a company worth working for. Rickie agreed, calling it a sh*t place."
^ that is a weirdly aggressive response for an establishment that doesn't offer gluten free products, because while offering GF products has certainly become more common, it's absolutely not the norm. And a bakery doesn't need to cater to the GF community if they are having success without doing so.
I find their response to just be so off putting. In my life I have dealt with a variety of dietary restrictions and have never once had this attitude. In fact - this girl should get a little lesson on what it was like in 2003, it was nearly IMPOSSIBLE to find anything gluten free at an establishment. Everything had to be made at home.
I don't even think your response is that bad, now of course your tone could have set the stage here. But I don't understand how she could take personal offense with your actual response. Her DMing you and harassing you is so intense. Like she's just looking to create a problem at this point.