Guy asks if he was wrong to give woman unsolicited advice in gym; she was upset.
'AITA for offering a woman advice in the gym?'
Last night, I was at the gym. It was late, around 11ish, so it was just me and this other woman.
She was doing bench press at the bench next to mine with just the bar and was struggling. I took note of this but didn’t think much of it other than thinking that she was probably a beginner and it’s cool she made the plunge to start working out.
After my set, I was resting, and noticed that she was loading up the bar with a 45 pound plate on each side. This immediately seemed like a bad idea: just previously, she was struggling with the bar, so adding 90 pounds to it wouldn’t end well.
I didn’t want to get involved, and if I was in a normal commercial gym I’d just let the staff handle it, but in this case this is a college gym without staff and nobody was there. I didn’t want to immediately say ‘you shouldn’t do that’ so I politely asked her if she wanted a spot.
She declined, and so I felt I had no chance but telling her she probably shouldn’t be going right from the bar to a 45 pound plate on each side. The reason I felt the need to tell her is, she had a serious chance of injuring herself. My reason for telling her is: it’s possible she won’t even be able to get the barbell off the rack, but it’s also possible she’ll just be able to do that but not able to lift it fully and hurt herself.
She got upset at this, and said she didn’t feel comfortable with a stranger who’s a man talking to her or telling her what to do at the gym. She did decide against the 45 pound plates though, so I shrugged and returned to my set.
Thinking about it now, I don’t think I was in the wrong. I was just trying to prevent the possibility of injury, and I didn’t really have any other option in this case but talking to her. I even just tried to offer to spot her first before outright saying that she probably be lifting that much. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Gargantuan_Plant writes:
If nobody asks you for advice, don't go up to strangers and give it anyway. This is one of the written rules at my gym. And it's there for good reason imo. Let adults make decisions by themselves, even when you might know better. I believe that you wanted to genuinely give advice and not be a gym creep but you should have left her alone. So yeah, in this case YTA.
RevealRemarkable3910 OP responded:
Okay, what does her not seeing it as it being about tearing a muscle have to do with the fact she was in real danger of tearing a muscle? Whether or not she realized it or saw it that way, that was a very real threat.
RevealRemarkable3910 writes:
I think potentially letting her tear a muscle is a worse thing to do than giving her some advice.
Dappernailartist writes:
I know you think that, but sometimes it’s better just to let people do what their gonna do man. As a woman, I really wouldn’t want people come up to me and give advice, because it makes me feel uncomfortable, and want to leave. I understand you are trying to be friendly and all but you don’t know everyone’s trauma and their feelings about men.
RevealRemarkable3910 OP responded:
Honestly, I would rather be TA if it means keeping somebody safe from potentially injuring themselves in a really painful way.
Dappernailartist writes:
YTA all the way buddy. The more you reply to these comments, the more you seem like TA. You aren’t seeing what we are saying and only want to reason with yourself on why you think you aren’t TA
RevealRemarkable3910 OP responded:
Alright, that’s fine. I’m fine with being TA if that means people are safe instead of getting painful injuries.
poweller65 writes:
You’d already made it clear you didn’t think she could do it alone when you offered to spot. That’s where you should have shut up
RevealRemarkable3910 OP responded:
And let herself injure herself? Also, no, having a spot is general practice for most times somebody bench presses.