Woman invites friends over to eat, kicks one out for bringing peanuts. AITA?

AITA for kicking a guest out of my house over the food they brought?

Recently, I had a little get together with some of my friends to catch up and have some charcuterie, nothing too fancy just a basic group board that I put together myself.

I told my friends in the group chat that if they wanted to contribute anything, to please double check the ingredients label and make sure the food didn't have any nuts in them because I'm allergic.

They all agreed to this, and everyone ended up bringing things like wines and different kinds of crackers, dips for us to try, etc. for the group.

Now here's where I may be the AH. One of the friends in the group, we'll call her Sasha, brought in a beautiful wedge of pecorino romano that she'd dressed up with little slices of ham and a honey dipper. She set her plate down on the table with the other foods and started to mingle with everyone just as normal.

We were waiting for the food to come up to room temp for a little bit, when she got an alert from her phone. It was an alarm telling her it was time for her seizure meds, which she has to take with food. No problem, I suggested she go grab something from the table, but she told me she didn't want to ruin the taste with it still being pretty cold.

Then, to my horror, Sasha pulled out a bag of salted peanuts from her purse and opened them up right there in front of me. I asked her what she thought she was doing, and she said she was eating for her meds.

I asked her why she brought peanuts into my house knowing I'm allergic and she told me "It's not like it's touching the food you'll be eating, it's fine!" And a lot of our friends agreed with her.

I told her she needed to leave because she was contaminating my house with an allergen that for me, is serious, and she and our mutual friends all started in on me for freaking out over it.

I sent her home, and the party ended shortly after that. I sent everyone back with the food that was out, and scrubbed down every surface to make sure there wasn't any traces left.

My friends are all mad at me for making a scene when the peanuts weren't for sharing with the group and didn't touch the shared food, I didn't end up eating or keeping any of the food, and since I didn't have a reaction, everything ended up being fine.

But I feel like my panic was justified, I mean she could've touched anything with her hands and sent me to the hospital.

Now, none of our mutual friends are talking to me because I apparently made her late taking her meds (the whole interaction lasted about ten minutes) and she's been blasting me on Facebook for almost making her have to go to the ER.

A lot of people seem to agree with her, but nobody's talking about the fact that she brought peanuts into my home. Did I overreact here? AITA?

Here were some responses from across the spectrum — and OP was happy to respond to nearly everyone.

Chasterscarlet

INFO: does Sasha know how severe your allergy is?

Because honestly just based on your post it sounds like the rule was to ensure none of the shared food was cross contaminated, so your reaction to someone eating them separately seems OTT.

However, based on your replies it sounds pretty severe and like it can’t be in your house at all, which is completely different.

OP:

I was pretty explicit that any foods containing nuts should be left at home and not brought to the house at all, but it still is possible it was misconstrued as meaning just the food for sharing specifically. Hence why I'm not sure if I'm TA or not here.

Piemakerdeadwaker

NTA. Why did she have to eat peanuts specifically to take her meds? Could have been any food in the world. This sounds so deliberately mean girl behaviour. Like to freak you out and make you look like the bad guy.

OP:

I did a little bit of digging into it and apparently the fats and proteins can help absorption of her medication, but milk, meat, and cheese also have fats and proteins that do the same thing.

CheckIntelligent7828

NTA. Life threatening shellfish/adhesive/novacaine reactions here. The shellfish is generally the hardest because of the smell that disperses while cooking it.

People forget that scent is particulate. If you can smell it, it can cause an allergic reaction if your allergy is severe enough. Peanuts obviously have a pretty strong smell. Plus the risk she'd then touch something else or another person would want some peanuts...so very much not worth it when there's other food around.

I'm sorry she ruined your party, that was incredibly rude and dangerous.

Justmeandmycoop

The fact that your friends agree tells me you have the dumbest friends in the world.

Efficient-Lobster-90

Well we do both have life threatening medical issues here. I can see why they would side with her, I'm just not sure if I really did wrong here or not. I think I probably could've had a calmer reaction but I was in panick mode in the moment, so I wasn't very nice with my tone.

nb1685

I'm pretty sure that seizure meds don't require peanuts to work effectively. There was plenty of food already available for her to eat with her medication but she just didn't like the temperature...

So she chose to bring something that you had specifically asked everyone not to bring so that you wouldn't get sick or die. No one who is a decent person knowingly exposes someone with an allergy to their allergen. No question she is the problem here. NTA

Commercial_7336

NTA. I have a peanut allergy, deadly allergy. No peanuts are allowed in my house or any of my vehicles. I have never tested cross contamination because I like to breathe.

I’m petty enough that I would make it clear on those FB posts that your allergy is deadly, you had stated no nuts were allowed, and Sasha decided your life did not matter as much as hers.

What would have happened if you did not see that and she touched various objects, including food, and then you consumed it? Would your friends understand then? She had an alternate food choice to not delay her meds by 10 minutes and she chose to eat the food that could kill you.

Make it clear that this allergy is just as harmful as her potential seizure. There are people who do not understand food allergies so I would make it clear: it is deadly. There are even cases that someone did not have a deadly reaction prior but started suddenly.

SweetWonderful_U

Info: If Sasha just opened a packet of peanuts without eating peanuts - would that cause anaphylaxis? I’m wondering if she opened them, was asked to put them away & was offered an alternative food to take with meds - would that have helped resolve the issue?

OP

The issue was that she opened them and the salt from them started to spill on my floor, and was all over her hands. I'm very sensitive to them, so anything the salt came in contact with or potentially came in contact with had to be scrubbed down after everyone left and I had to wear PPE.

Also, I did mention in my post that I originally suggested she eat from the food that was already on the table for the party specifically. She chose not to because it was still cold, and wanted to wait for it to come up to temp first.

Edit to add: It wasn't a resealable packet it was one of those single serving packets you can't close back up after. You rip the top of it fully off to get them out.

Active_Tea9115

NTA. She specifically brought one of the most notorious nuts of nut allergies as her (for some reason needing more food at a dinner party???) “medication” snack after being told not to bring nuts. You get taught about this stuff in pre-school.

None of your ‘friends’ had an ounce of common sense. Anything she touched would have been contaminated even if she washed her hands, and the dust - like you said - would have gotten everywhere.

her point on nearly going to the ER; OH THE HORROR. SHE COULDN’T HAVE HER MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED STORE PEANUTS THAT SHE HAD TO EAT IN YOUR HOME.

I’m glad you stood your ground. Let them laugh off allergies away from your life! Make a counter post and embarrass them or not, but don’t give them any leeway on willful negligence.

DippyTheWonderSlug

YTA. "Hey, nuts are super dangerous for me. Would you please put them away and I'll grab you something else and please wash your hand, I'll turn on the water."

The fact that you continued the party, briefly, and then cleaned up speaks to the level of ACTUAL danger you were in as opposed to the PERCEIVED danger.

You had every right and reason to speak up but your reaction was needlessly drama queen

OP:

The party only lasted long enough for me to divide the food from the table up for the other guests to take home before they left and I started to clean.

DesperateinDunharrow

YTA. You needed to be much more clear. You asked people to check ingredients to make sure the food didn’t contain nuts so they all assumed that you would only have a problem if you ate nuts. If you had said “I am severely allergic to nuts. Please make sure you’re not bringing anything containing nuts into my home”, the situation could have been avoided.

Pittypat_Kittykat

I’m going with ESH, based on your answer. Once you expressed concern with peanuts in your home, she should have removed them from your house and apologized, not argued with you.

But for your part, it sounds like you hadn’t previously made them aware of your allergy at all, much less explained how severe it is. And so to react so forcefully and immediately kick her out without taking the time to explain was rude. I can see how in the moment you reacted in fear but you weren’t being fair to her or the group in general.

INFO: are these new friends? People you don’t see often or know well? I’m a little confused how you have an allergy this severe and your friend group is completely ignorant to it. I would think it would come up or impact every meal out, every dinner party, every event with food.

OP

I'm pretty new to the friend group, this was my first time hosting for them. I have so far avoided any food based events hosted by any of them because I don't trust other people's homes to be safe for me.