Man calls girlfriend 'selfish' for 'partying' after he learns he has anemia. AITA?
"AITA for not canceling my plans after my boyfriend learned about his diagnosis?"
I (25F) work in event planning so I always get invites or tickets to go high end events. There was a huge event coming up that I was really excited to go to! I asked my boyfriend (27) 3 days before the event to accompany me and he said yes.
So originally, the plan was my boyfriend, my step sister and myself. On the day of the event, he said be had a doctor’s appointment so he isn’t sure if he can still attend. I said No Problem and and I waited for him to return home. A couple hours later he texted me and said he has something to tell me.
I got worried and called him immediately. I asked if everything was okay and he said he was diagnosed with anemia so he’ll have to take supplements. I expressed how sorry I was and spoke to him for about 2 hours, gave him pep talks, told him I’m here if he needs me, reassured him that I will always love him / etc.
I then asked if he would still like to attend the event with me to take his mind off of things to which he responded that he doesn’t like the artists performing so he’d rather go another event. I said No Problem, I will go with my stepsister alone. He got upset and hung up.
I called him back but he started an argument about how I’m selfish for going out while he’s going through something. I told him that I already made the plans with my step sister and I can’t back out now as she’s depending on me.
I also don’t drink so I would have been the sober driver - and if I didn’t go, she couldn’t. I told him that this event is the only event my sister really wanted to attend and I promised her that I would take her months prior. I even told him I’ll see him the next day and he said be safe and hung up.
I got to the event around 11 and spent the entire event alone just sitting down and watching the show by myself - having food and drinks. When I returned home around 2am, I called him and he was awake playing video games.
His first words were “look who cares about me again” I said “I’m too tired for this” and he responded by saying that of course I’m tired - I went out without him knowing he’s upset but I love partying and meeting new people so much that I didn’t think to stay with him on the phone.
I told him he’s being ridiculous and I would have stayed if it were just us who planned to go. He said my priorities are off and I’m an ignorant AH.
Keep in mind, I don’t attend parties unless it’s with my family and I only attend events a few times a year. So, AITA for not staying on the phone with him and attending the event instead?
Readers had this to say:
When I saw the title, I expected it to be cancer, some kind of degenerative disorder, or something requiring major surgery.
Anemia is generally a completely treatable condition that has no impact on quality of life, and unless the doctor referenced a concern about a more serious condition, it's reasonable to assume that supplements are all that is needed at this point.
It sounds more like he's using it as an excuse to get out of something he didn't want to do, then taking it a step further to try to manipulate you. NTA.
I got to the actual Dx and was like… “okay and what else…?” I feel like majority of women I’ve known have had anemia at least at some point. This is like a fresh take on the “man cold” or something.
I was just sitting here scrolling, eating some rice before I head in to work and paused for a good 10 seconds with my spoon halfway in my mouth. Anemia. Like… just anemia? Not leukemia? But anemia? Should op go back and clarify that shit? We’re talking about anemia yeah? I had to reread that a few times. NTA
YTA for leaving him alone and partying when he was recently diagnosed with anemia. How could you leave a 27 year old baby alone to take supplements! Don’t you know babies easily choke on small things??
INFO: 'Anemia' as in iron-deficiency related to poor diet (the most common form) or 'anemia' as in caused by a serious underlying condition where there is more to the treatment than just 'supplements'.
Anemia itself is something experienced by roughly 1/3 of the population (so...y'know...2.7 billion people or so). It's hard to know if this is you being callus about a serious medical diagnosis for which anemia is a symptom or if your boyfriend is being a drama-queen about having to change his diet and start taking B12 pills.
If the tables were turned, would he have broken his commitments to stay home for the night to help you go through your minor, non-urgent medical challenge? If not, then you are NTA.