Son's gf's 'mental illness' costs over $300 in bills, mom refuses to accept it; AITA?
Mental illness is a serious issue for many people and it can be a challenging obstical for any one person to deal with. But can it also be used as an excuse for bad behavior? One mom says yes. She has had enough when it comes to claims of mental illness made by her son's girlfriend.
After the financial strain one Reddit mom says she has suffered due to her son's girfriend, she took to the forums to ask the internet:
'AITA (am I the a**hole) for telling my son's GF that I refuse to accept her mental illness excuses anymore?'
Spiritual_Local_8804 writes:
My son (21) started dating Amber (21f) 3 years ago and at the end of 2021 she moved in to my house. I allowed it for the sake of my son's mental health or feelings. Her parents were moving out of state and she didn't have any friends or family she could stay with here.
I watched my son cry for weeks because his GF had no choice but to move away with her parents and ultimately momma bear came out and protected my son the only way I knew how.
So, she moved in but I made it perfectly clear to both my son and Amber that I fully expected rent payments (to cover food and the extra hot water cost). I was only going to charge exactly what the extra cost would have been, which was roughly $400. And also stated that Amber was to get a job.
Both of them agreed to this. I even put it in writing and had it filled out as a tenancy agreement so that they could get their own place afterwards and have references for rental history. So the lease was all signed, stamped and notorized.
In the first couple of months it really appeared like Amber was trying to get a job but after that she just full on stopped giving a f*ck. If I asked if she had rent, she would immediately be like 'you know I don't' and just shrugged it off.
My son was paying the entire rent by himself. Which, whatever. If he wants to do that then that's on him. But it was the lack of caring and the complete taking advantage of the situation that pissed me off.
After about 7 months I sat Amber down and reminded her of my agreement and told her she was walking on thin ice and that I was fed up with her not even attempting to hold up her end of the deal.
She then pulled the 'I understand where you're coming from but try to be sympathetic about the fact that I haven't seen my parents in months and I'm struggling to even get out of bed.'
I did sympathize with this. I even offered to get her in to therapy. She said she would when she felt she was mentally ready. Yeah, that time never came but the excuses stuck. It's always a different excuse but usually has something to do with missing her parents.
Well, this month I saw that my hot water bill sky rocketed by an extra $300. It then came to my attention that Amber has been showering THREE times a day because 'standing under the scolding water is the only thing that takes away my sadness'.
At this point I was done. I'm forking out an extra $700 a month with no help from her and my son is struggling to pay her portion because he is in college. So I again told her she needed a job. She pulls the 'I'm so depressed I can barely drag myself out of bed. I can't work outside of this house.'
I snapped and said I refuse to accept her millions of mental illness excuses anymore and either she finds a job within the month or I'm canceling her lease and she can get the fuck out. She ran out of the room crying and slammed the door. AITA?
What do you think? Who is the A-hole, or is there even one?
Reddit was quick to weigh in.
Capable-Mushroom99 argues:
NTA. Not your job to fix her loser attitude. She’s depressed because she hasn’t seen her parents? GTFO I went 5 years when I had no money and most of my Asian friends did that much or more when they were students. It should make you work harder not lay in bed all day.
Crimsonwolf_83 counters with:
YTA to yourself. Instead of helping your son process his gf going away you enabled him not having to learn how to deal with life. And now you’re stuck with a manipulative leech in your house.
Long_Squash1762 provides some hindsight:
Going to get down voted here but NTA. She's taking advantage of you at this point an extra $700 is a lot of money and when it's month after month something has to give.
Honestly, your son would have had his cry and eventually he would move on and meet someone new. I wouldn't have taken her in to begin with. That was very generous of you. Her moving could have been the best thing for her but no one knows. Honestly, it appears she just really doesn't want to work.
In regard to the high water bill, Next-Excitement6584 rationalizes with:
Rapidly changing your core temp creates an automatic body response that counters anxiety. This young woman is struggling and needs help. She is clearly communicating trauma, she should be sent to her family and you should support your son to deal with the loss of a relationship, something we all need to learn.
alwaysblessedbygod points out:
She is 21 already. Don't most adults move out at 18 and stay away from their parents? Then why is she crying a bucket for the same thing that happened at 21? Her excuses don't add up. Also no logic for bathing 3 times a day in winter!
ditchdiggergirl offers a direct approach:
This right here. You need to sit her down and tell her that you have realized her mental illness is beyond what either you or she can handle. She’s only gotten worse while staying with you, and you can’t let that continue. It isn’t fair to her and her parents would be horrified if you let it go on any longer. She needs much more help than you can provide and since you are not her parent, you aren’t the person who can give her the support she so badly needs. She needs help from her family.