Woman doesn't want her mom kissing her baby because of her cold sores. AITA?
Being told not to kiss your grandchild is a tough pill to swallow.
One mom told her mother that she didn't want her kissing her 3-year-old on the cheek because she was worried about her transmitting her cold sores to her cheek. The Center for Disease Control reported in 2016 that over 50% of the population HSV-1 or HSV-2 and other organizations have since reported higher numbers. While it is an unpleasant condition, it is clearly not uncommom. However, this mom was simply trying to protect her child from unnecessary risk. When she told her mother she could not kiss her granddaughter on the cheek, however, she was deeply hurt.
My mom won’t stop kissing my daughter in her cheek, and she gets cold sores.
So my mom is 40 years old, she’s been getting cold sores since she was a child, and her outbreaks are infrequent now. Her last outbreak was almost 2 years ago. I have a toddler who’s 3 years old.
Now only reason I’m so concerned is because of this “viral shedding” im reading about. You can still get infected even when a person is not showing/feeling symptoms. I used to live with the father of my child, for 2 years, and then we ended up breaking up, so I went back to go live with my mom again.
My child loves her a lot, and loves being around her, I love the bond that they have, it makes me happy. The only problem is, is that my mom kisses my child in her cheek a lot (not during an OB obviously) , and my daughter also kisses her on the cheek sometimes but this happens when my mom doesn’t have a OB, but like I said “viral shedding” happens.
And I honestly think my mom didn’t know about it, because when I heard about it, I immediately told her, and she looked a bit clueless but she did told me that she knows when a OB is about to happen, she tells me about her prodome symptoms before having another OB.
I asked her respectfully to stop kissing her on the face, however, I don’t mind if she kisses her on top of her head.
My mom looked really disappointed and even told me “you think I’m disgusting.” And I said “ no mom absolutely not, don’t take it the wrong way, it’s just I’d hate to see my daughter having it so little, and I don’t want her experiencing that pain”.
It did hurt me when my mom said that because god knows I wasn’t judging her at all, I just want her to know to take precautions. And she never took medication, every time she would get a OB she would always put Carmex on it bc she said it helps with pain.
But I just need advice, I’m aware that it’s so common and normal, but it’s my child and I want to protect her.
Here are the top responses from readers:
Two of my children now get mouth ulcers. No idea why, but you know what!?! It’s excruciating for them. Brushing teeth? Eating? Touch the outside of their mouth? Excruciating. It’s not worth the risk. I suspect the older kiddo gave them to the youngest as the little one is ALWAYS stealing everyone’s drinks and eating utensils. I don’t know where the older kiddo got them from unfortunately.
I used to get cold sores, my last outbreak was almost 20 years ago, so it's definitely dormant in my system. That being said, if I had one in the last 5 years I'd likely not kiss my son on his cheek even.
I think it's important to note to her that if it was you who had it you'd also refrain. Those little baby bodies don't handle those viruses well and they should not have to face repercussions, of someone else's actions, for possibly their whole life.
Your mom has suffered with this her whole life...SHE should want to protect your child from getting it, and if that means no kisses...oh well. She could come up with a different way to show affection, that is just for them, that wont risk LOs health.
Ask her how she would feel passing that onto your baby? It's a lifetime, incurable disease. Ask her if her desire to kiss her outweighs the risk of spreading to your baby? The answer will be revealing.
My older sister never allowed my little sister to kiss her kids because of this and my little sis had hurt feelings, but understood. There’s no way to say this without hurting feelings, so you just have to bite the bullet and be firm.
My husband has cold sores and frequent outbreaks. We call him the kissy monster because he's very affectionate and loves cheek kisses. But he never kisses us during an outbreak or if he feels 'the tingle' before he gets one.
We've been together for 24 years and have two daughters in their teens. And none of us have ever gotten a cold sore. I know every situation is different but if your mom is being careful it's probably safe.