'AITA for not having my brother and SIL’s baby room set up for Thanksgiving?' UPDATED

"AITA for not having my brother and SIL’s baby room set up for Thanksgiving?"

So this situation, in my opinion, is ridiculous so parents please chime in. My brother (36) and his wife (34) and myself (34) are all visiting my mom's house for Thanksgiving and being the new parents of their 1 year 3 month old first baby they are quite protective in my opinion (FYI I don’t have any kids).

Recently they had all these stringent requests such as having a baby gate but it needs to be the drill in not the pressure ones (even though the stairway has a door with a lock on it so stairs are not accessible), blackout shades for the room the crib is in, and even agreed to let my mom sleep on the couch so that they could be closer to the baby and in exchange my mom would sleep on the couch for the duration of the stay.

Fast forward to today. The blackout shades take 5 minutes to set up and while I had agreed to do it 3 months ago I told them it made no sense to do it so far in advance since we prefer sunlight in the room and we could set it up instantly when they arrive. Unfortunately I exited work late and in combination with traffic I arrived exactly 45 minutes after they had arrived. They were furious.

They swore to never come back again if we delayed the baby’s sleep by 45 minutes to an hour. They claim that the baby “is going to suffer because I am unreliable” and the shades had not been set up before they arrived. They are now deciding to leave first thing in the morning. Keep in mind this is a simple setup, a literal bath rod and blackout shades and then putting that in the window.

Everything was purchased it just had to go on the window. Some background info: they drove about 7 hours with traffic so I get they are tired and exhausted and the baby was probably crying so they were on edge. Also we promised to have it ready but it was not done in time. Also I’m kind of ticked off because of the following:

1) My brother's dog was having an allergic reaction so I fronted my brother the money ($400) no questions asked and no repayment requested 2) Just recently I travelled to Boston to scope out apartments and neighborhoods on their behalf since they are moving there soon but live too far to travel and they have a baby ($2000).

3) My mom supported him and his wife prior to them having a baby and let them both live rent free for an extended period of time in her house to help them save money. I feel they are entitled and spoiled and should not be acting this way. I’m also upset because my SIL was telling my mom how it was unfair how everything wasn’t set up prior to their arrival even though we said it would be.

I think it’s unreasonable because moving the crib up a set of stairs is impossible for my mom as she’s older and everything could have been resolved with putting up blackout shades in 5 minutes where the crib currently is and everything else in the morning. Does 1 hour difference in sleep schedule truly make a child/baby suffer?

Commenters were passionate about this one.

SabrinaBee1360 wrote:

NTA. I have kids (11 years and 5 years). If this has been me I would have brought my own black out shades and baby gate. If you had the stuff ready for the curtains the parents could have hung them themselves and then the child could have gone to bed when they wanted them to. And did they want your Mom on the couch so they could sleep in her bed which is closer to the baby?

That's just silly. Bring a baby monitor. Sleep on the floor by the crib. Or...like many people...just get out of bed from wherever it is to go to your baby when they wake up. A minute of crying won't hurt the baby. they sound like entitled brats.

Perhaps they should A.) stay at a hotel next year or B.) start hosting Thanksgiving from their own home for everyone. Throwing a fit and causing a ruckus around a holiday because your unreasonable demands weren't met is absolutely tacky. You are NTA.

Alternative_Breath93 wrote:

NTA. Why are you supplying/installing these things to begin with. It's their kid. They should have a travel blackout blind & travel crib if they intend to be travelling with them. Their kid, their responsibility!

I use a "travel" blackout blind in my bedroom. It uses magnets to attach (either to the window frame, if it's magnetic, or little stick on discs that were supplied with it). I take it with me when I travel, as I find it let's me sleep better, it takes maybe 30 seconds to install. Or others use heavy duty suction cups. The baby gate is just a ridiculous request given the door.

Knickers1978 wrote:

NTA. But please, stop doing anything for these entitled jerks. They owe you and your mother enough already. And “letting” your mother sleep on her lounge? Screw that. Tell them to book a hotel if they want servants to boss around.

And OP responded:

While their actions don’t impact me as much since I’m well aware that they are overreacting it does impact my mom which is why I agreed to even set it up in the first place. I didn’t make it in time but like it hurts me because it hurts my mom. If she didn’t care I would be more okay with brushing off what I perceive as mistreatment.

anewlifeandhealth wrote:

NTA. They drove 7 hours? So this kid took a nap in the car. Without blackout blinds. If they travel and expect to stay in another place, there will be things that aren’t perfect for this toddler. It’s a good idea for them to get experience with managing the kid’s schedule in non perfect conditions.

Sure you could have put the blinds up the night before they arrived. But I’m shocked with the number of entitled demands they had for a short visit. They wouldn’t be welcome back in my house.

Wondeful_Guidance_6 wrote:

Your brother and SIL are ridiculous! How do they survive in the outside world.

Later OP came back and updated the post with this:

I read someone's comment about us knowing beforehand how the kids behave, and that's not true. A little over two months ago, my husband received a call from his cousin, that he had not seen or heard of since they were teenagers, and she said that they've been living in our state for the past four years.

No one had any idea that she was living here, much less living just an hour away from us. On that phone call she invited us to her house to meet her family and so we went to her house on a weekend. The few hours we were in her home, the kids seemed well-behaved, and none of them acted crazy.

The worst they did was run around, but that's not an issue and I don't mind that at all. A few days later, my husband asked me if I was OK with him inviting them over one weekend for dinner and I agreed.

During their visit in our house, we were surprised by the children's behavior and we don't understand how they could be on their best behavior in their own home, and be out of control in someone else's home. We were under the impression that they knew how to behave in other people's homes the way they do in theirs.

ETA: We rotate holidays with husband's family. This year is our turn to host Thanksgiving, Christmas is at mil's, and new year's at sil's. This cousin has been living in our state for the past 4 years without ever letting the family know until about 2 months ago. They can spend the holidays with whoever has been hosting them for the past 4 years.