'I had my promotion offer retracted after my boss learned I was getting married.' UPDATED
"I had my promotion offer retracted because my boss learned I was getting married."
GracieBeaker
First ever Reddit post, I’ll try and make all of this understandable. Posting this here too as I don’t really have anyone to vent to about this. (Background: 22F, works for a fast-food chain for the past 2.5 years, engaged since May 2019)
So back in January, my manager brought me into the office and offered me a promotion (she was relaying the info from the owner). The promotion was to become a shift manager at one of the other restaurants in my city.
I would obviously get a pay raise, “better” hours (more consistent) and various other perks. I initially told her I needed to think about taking it, but I was definitely excited and enthusiastic.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I had a meeting with her to discuss some questions I had about the job; what benefits, where I was working, training etc. One of my questions was whether it was reasonable to request as part of my new contract to have the week of my wedding off (In August).
She said absolutely and would ask the owner for me if that could be written into the contract. Wednesday, I go into her office to ask about any new info or developments.
She shut the door and said that the offer had been retracted and I would not be getting the promotion. She explained that the owner had decided to retract the offer after learning I was getting married and that “A young woman getting married means she’s going to get pregnant”.
She also said that "if you were a man, we would not be having this conversation". I was (still am) absolutely gobsmacked. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever felt sexism or discrimination based on sex in my entire life. I’m so unbelievably angry...
I’ve essentially now lost my job. Still currently employed there, but I have no desire to continue working there whatsoever. I feel utterly disgusting and somewhat dirty, even though I did NOTHING wrong.
I love working there, and all the people at my restaurant have not done anything to me, but it’s the fact that I would be working for an owner that’s so blatantly sexist. I’ve gone and sought legal advice at an equality organization in my city and am waiting for a response from the person in charge.
I’ve also opened a complaint in my company’s HR department, who have asked me to contact the owner directly to understand exactly why I haven’t got this promotion (they said that I/my manager may have misunderstood the reason why…) Thank you so much for reading, not sure what outcome I want from all this, I just had to get it off my chest.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post:
python_man
One good thing is that your manager 100% wants you to take legal action. She told you blatantly that it was gender discrimination.
The OP responded here:
GracieBeaker
I know completely and absolutely that what has happened to me is wrong and I have some legal rights that have been broken. I just don't "win" with any outcome. Getting compensated financially "only" leaves me with money, still don't have a job I love or the promotion I deserve. And if its an apology or some legal ramifications, its the same deal really.
sezit
Fast food chain? Put in the complaint to company headquarters HR. Just because your location is privately owned doesn't mean that HQ can't lean hard on them. This BS is illegal.
FitChickFourTwennie
That’s BS, I’m sorry! Maybe post on r/legaladvice and see what they say too, I’m sorry.
MySecretAccount-Shh
From a man's perspective...this is total BS. I agree with others that are saying she basically told you to take legal action (in a hint hint wink wink sort of way). I REALLY hope this can be resolved legally in your country. I also hope the owner is punished in some way as well. That type of thinking is not OK.
If you're like me though, I am not sure I could continue working there even if the promotion is restored because it's hard to mentally pour your soul into a company that has had someone at the top sh*+ on you like the owner did. I'm sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
2 years later, the OP returned with an update.
"UPDATE: I took my sexist ex-boss to court for discrimination and WON!"
GracieBeaker
So obviously a lot has happened between my first post on this and this one, so I'll do my best to summarize the past 2 years of my life.
Feb 2020: Had an in person meeting with my manager, the owner of the restaurant (franchise) and a supposed mediator. I legally recorded the audio of the meeting (THIS PART IS IMPORTANT). I was very unhappy with the outcome of this meeting; felt like no one listened to me and I was bullied by the higher ups into making this all go away...
March 2020: After all this went down, I sought a lawyer at a local union firm, who agreed to take on my case. Due to the laws in my country (Switzerland), my case was classed as a civil one (between to individuals), so there could were no criminal consequences and my monetary compensation would be limited to 3 month salary (as written in Swiss law).
Between March and August 2020: Lots of back and forth between my lawyer and my ex-employer; basically denying all responsibility, not wanting to do anything, etc.
August 2020: Again as per Swiss law, a mediation meeting was set up between myself, my boss and the lawyers in front of a judge. The judge was purely there to help keep things civil if necessary; no say whatsoever!
This mediation meeting lasted 15 min, with my boss' lawyer refusing to budge. My boss didn't even turn up to this meeting. Since we couldn't come to an "agreement", I was given permission to file a formal case, which meant a judge WOULD hear my case and rule on it.
Between August 2020 and May 2021: Hardly any news from either side, cov*d slowed everything to a snails pace, so I was told to just wait while all the administrative cogs turned.
May 2021: THE BIG DAY! My case was heard in front of a judge, with witnesses called from both sides to testify and lots of evidence filed (from my side at least). My key piece of evidence was this audio recording, in which my boss and manager basically put their foot in it.
The judge asked them both to explain themselves, with neither giving very convincing arguments to defend themselves. I stood in court and told my account of the story; staring my boss right. in. the. face.
Between May 2021 and February 2022: More waiting... I knew the law was slow, but jeez-louise! At this point, I had put the case to the back of my mind.
February 7th 2022: My state's civil court ruled in my favor. I won. I took my boss to court over discrimination and a judge found him liable.
I WON!
I can't begin to describe how incredible it feels! I cried on the phone with my lawyer when she called me to tell me the news. It was never about the money, it was always about accountability and acknowledgment.
I am so proud of myself for pursuing this despite the odds stacked against me; discrimination is incredibly hard to prove... Too bad I had that recording ;) To all those 2 years ago that commented and supported me; thank you.
My ex-employer was found guilty of discriminatory behavior (as so written in Swiss law) and ordered to pay compensation. I know my story is one of thousands out there, with so many of them never receiving the justice or recognition they deserve. But I hope this gives confidence to others, WE CAN DO IT!
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this update from the OP:
crumblingbees
congratulations!! that's crazy that swiss law limits a sexist discrim lawsuit to 3 months salary in compensation. discrimination is always hard to prove but with the penalty so paltry, corporations don't even have an incentive to try. imo u should lobby to remove that restriction if it's possible.
Electrolight
Right? She had to wait years for this ruling...
yensid7
Congratulations, and great job sticking through all of this!
emptycagenowcorroded
It’s a story about court that involves mostly waiting!
...checks out
sailorxsaturn
i'm really glad she won but it is SO depressing this is still an issue women have to deal with on the regular.
peter095837
This was some really great sweet justice to read! Sexist or discriminatory bosses definitely are people who deserve to get bad publicity for their behavior.