When this woman is fed up with her family's opinion of her cooking, she asks Reddit:
I 22(f) usually cook the bulk of the holiday meals for my family.This thanksgiving I cooked (with some help from my mom) the Turkey, Mac n Cheese, Stuffing, Gravy, Yams, Mashed Potatoes, Scalloped Potatoes, Fresh Bread, Corn Bread and probably another thing or two that is slipping my mind.
As far as eating its very informal, once everything is done cooking, serve yourself, eat what you like, where you like, when you like.
Now I didn't mind doing all that cooking I like to cook, and I was really happy with how it all turned out.
But today all that happiness turned to bitterness because my sibling (25 nb) texted my mom saying that their girlfriend had been disappointed by thanksgiving dinner because they had been hoping for it to be a 'big sit-down dinner.'
They were hoping that we could do that for Christmas so that it could be 'special'.
So to me, she hated it. Are you kidding me?
This upset me for several reasons. I spent 10 hours straight cooking on Thanksgiving Day, and days of planning was that not special?
I had been trying really hard to make a good impression of their girlfriend.
I have no idea how I might even be able to accommodate a formal sit-down dinner given we currently don't have enough dining table space for all 7 of us that'll be here (only a 4-person table).
Also, the 'big' part of 'big sit-down dinner', we had days' worth of food left over after thanksgiving dinner.
Why did they message mom and not me when they know I cook 90+% of the holiday meals?
I haven't confronted them about it yet, and I also had my working plan for Christmas as, cook everything on Christmas eve so that I could enjoy my Christmas -which I'm assuming doesn't fit into their vision of what a 'special Christmas dinner' looks like-.
Quite frankly at this point the idea of cooking Christmas dinner makes me miserable and I don't want to do it.
But at the same time, I worry that if I let this blowup into a thing, it'll ruin Christmas with confrontational energy for everyone.
I especially don't want to let family drama consume my brothers (28 m) first Christmas with his daughter (7 f) since the pandemic started.
So WIBTA if I told my sibling and their girlfriend to do it themselves like I really want to right now and probably stir up a lot of drama?
NTA. I feel like your siblings’ gf wasn’t aiming their criticism at you or the food you cooked, but rather the “eat anywhere anytime situation”.
But still it’s a bit bold of them to be invited to Thanksgiving and criticize it afterwards.
My main question is: if there’s 7 family members total, why are you the only one cooking for both thanksgiving and Christmas?
That sounds like a lot of stress for you. I’d recommend to sit you family down and have a talk about this. If they agree with sibling’s gf and want to have sit down dinner, you need to come up with a solution TOGETHER.
Also ask for help with the cooking and divide tasks for Christmas (setting the table, doing the dishes later and so on). It was so nice of you to cook that much food for thanksgiving almost all alone, they can’t expect you to do it again only four weeks later!
firefly232 adds this important point:
First off, your sibling is rude. Secondly, can you see the text message to check the exactwording?? Why is your mom passing this on to you?
It seems that there's no complaint about the food. This doesn't seem to be about your cooking.
It sounds as though the issue is around the dining set up and the logistics. Whose house is this in? Your mom's? This might be why they texted her.
It sounds as though the food you cooked was more than enough, it's more that the GFs vision involved the whole sitting down around the table and sharing heartwarming stories etc.
I think it's incredibly rude for the sibling to pass on the GFs opinion of the dining set up. Either they can see that there's no room. Or they could suggest solutions ahead of time.
You would be T A if you blew up at them now because it seems like this is not about the cooking, but the space.
What alternatives are there for increasing the space? Can furniture be moved around? Can the meal be at a different house? Does it make sense to go to a restaurant instead?
What's most important to the family as a whole, homemade, homecooked food? Or being together round one table?